Anger

[Vajradhara]

Namaste all,

i'll offer my own views on this in a few posts though i'd like to hear others views before then.

primarily i'm interested in hearing how you deal with anger when it arises, the methods, steps, techniques and so forth which you use to cool the flames.

it doesn't have to be particularly Buddhist

metta,

~v

[wil]

Two clues taught to me by a nurse with two sets of twins barely over a year apart in the 50's (that's right, four kids in cloth diapers)

Get a new perspective, separate yourself from the event. It isn't what happens to us but our reactions that count. So her method with her kids was, no matter what they did, no matter what happened, a. make sure they are safe; b. go get the camera to remember the moment. In the process of composing the picture, you get a new viewpoint, a new perspective.

The other was it isn't count to ten, it is ten breaths, calmly breathe in and out, cooling the hothead with fresh oxygen.

Biggest thing for me is the realization if my 'blood boils' then I know I can't think straight and I know I am no longer in control and gave over my power to another. I choose to recognize that and make a new choice.

[Paladin]

I suppose it depends on the situation on what I do about being angry. The most effective thing for me is doing nothing about it at all, it arises and then wanes and I don't have to do anything but watch it.
Sometimes I have to supress it for a bit because feeding it could cause harm to myself and others, being out in traffic and having a huge SUV try to occupy the same space as my motorcycle drives me absolutely crazy, but unbridled rage at that point is dangerous, better to concentrate on my riding skills and handle the bike safely.
Sometimes I call up images that make me feel a bit angry when I practice on the heavy bag or when doing punch/kick drills for motivational purposes, I just let the energy flow until it exhausts itself.
And finally there are times when a cognitive reframing is necessary, like when I am angry at a loved one or even a stranger without good cause.

Not sure if you can get anything out of this Vaj, I sorta just make it up as I go along

[seattlegal]

This may sound strange, but anger is like a 'shh' to my emotional mind, rather than a yell. It triggers great clarity of awareness that lends itself to knowing exactly what to do to remedy a dangerous situation.

[17th Angel]

It helps? Surley that can only be to a limit? Enough to shock you and send your other feelings into over drive? I'd of thought you let it grow and it will blur detail and make you unaware of most of the situation. Which could likley lead to more damage and confusion. Anger is fast to act in my opinion but hasn't a clue how to act.

[Snoopy]

Originally Posted by Vajradhara

primarily i'm interested in hearing how you deal with anger when it arises, the methods, steps, techniques and so forth which you use to cool the flames.

Hi Vaj,

I think this presumes that a person would want and / or is able to "cool the flames" does it not? My perception is that this is often not the case. Once you become angry and almost literally "lose your mind" can it be rationally brought under control?

For myself then I suppose I think that prevention is better than cure, as the disease once manifested seems to have to run its course. I do not see moving into an angry mindset as being appropriate or helpful. People say and do things when they are angry which they would not otherwise say and do, things which are corrosive and destructive and will probably be passed on from recipient to recipient. This is probably (in a nutshell) why I generally have a mental stopper from becoming angry. Should I feel myself becoming angry I try to re-arise the understanding that I have just enunciated to curtail the anger.
...Plus it's a precept (which I understand to be of worth).

s.

[Snoopy]

Originally Posted by Vajradhara

it doesn't have to be particularly Buddhist

So why did you put it in the Buddhist forum then, you *^$"!!*)(*+~~*?<>?*!! great *&%%*!!!<>X(*&$$!!

s.

[seattlegal]

Originally Posted by Alex P

It helps? Surley that can only be to a limit? Enough to shock you and send your other feelings into over drive? I'd of thought you let it grow and it will blur detail and make you unaware of most of the situation. Which could likley lead to more damage and confusion. Anger is fast to act in my opinion but hasn't a clue how to act.

Well, yes it helps. Anger ---> urgent need for change ---> increased focus on the situation to identify what needs to be done to affect the urgently needed change ---> take action needed.

[17th Angel]

Loving the arrows

[jiii]

I can't really bring myself to see anger as something that must inherently be extinguished. Anger is a perfectly natural human emotion... and in my opinion, even an "ideal" world would still be quite familiar with anger.

Of course, there are intelligent ways to deal with anger, since it IS symptomatic of an unstable situation wherever it arises. As has already been mentioned, I've found that different scenarios call for different responses to anger. Sometimes anger is genuinely justified and, in fact, to uncomfortably suppress that anger needlessly in such situations can't be exceptionally healthy. A great deal of damage is done to human relationships by simple dishonesty in conveying how we feel without affectation or distortion. One simply needs to take care not to let that anger cloud their judgment, which, granted, is easier said than done.

That being said, there's no reason we can't handle our anger in a way that's intelligent while still not poorly representative of how we really feel. I tend to keep the thought in my mind that anger, in general, is a very draining emotion to entertain any further than necessary. It wipes me out and I've found that although it may sometimes be necessary to see my anger through to it's resolution in order to satisfy the scenario, a resolution is all that can really be hoped for. Outside of those that desire something of an ego trip, the best that one can hope for if they entertain their anger flippantly is an end to an already bad situation. Thus, although a yelling match, for instance, may see me coming out on top, everyone loses as far as emotion toll and expenditure of energy. Furthermore, expressing anger too carelessly will have the tendency to create around you a world where that anger becomes more and more common and ever-present.

[greymare]

to be very honest, i display all the worst facets of anger. I yell and scream, and probably have smoke coming out of my ears.........i curse and swear and hit things (hopefully not living things). I also "file" things in my head and dwell on them sometimes for weeks , months and years, eventually erupting over the slightest thing. i stew on things and i hold a grudge.......i must be hell to live with.

[Dream]

I originally had a very positive outlook on life, and I need to sharpen that up again. Get my temper and my edge back. I am thinking about getting a book about this called Change the Way You See Yourself. The author's approach begins with a contrast between what he calls 'Asset based thinking' and 'Deficit based thinking' and has got very practical advice. He explains that a positive attitude really comes through making tiny adjustments to our point of view from moment to moment, with big results. Its all practical and very easy. I know people whose positivity makes me positively sick, but I admit they are looking at things appropriately. I intend to make other people sick of my happiness one of these days.

[Snoopy]

Originally Posted by Dream

I intend to make other people sick of my happiness one of these days.

I'm feeling nauseous already.

s.

[Vajradhara]

Namaste all,

thank you for your views.

a follow on question:

when you are angry is your anger focused on the object or person that caused the anger to arise or on the reasons that such an object or person would cause you to be angry?

metta,

~v

[Dream]

My anger doesn't always make a lot of sense, Vaj. Anger to me is something that waits for an excuse to appear. Speaking metaphorically. Its like a bad relationship.