Help shrink my friends EGO?

KarmaPolice · 07-02-2005, 07:14 PM

My friend of 6+ years is 25 years old. Good looking. Heavy weight lifter. Hollywood "extra". Comes from a rich family. Just beat 3 drug charges. I just got home from school and his Ego has gotten too big for my liking. He has to be correct in every discussion we have. He thinks he is his "nice body". He is rude to girl is they don't hook up with him at a party. He is taking 3-4 diffrent pills/meds for weight lifting to up his testostorone. I have learned to slowly shrink my ego and humble myself. But his huge ego makes me not want to be around him. He claims that it is me... I will admit I just came off of Paxil last month but feel great and happy because I found my spirituality.. so I don't think my lack of drugs is the problem. Could anybody offer advice?

I continue to work on myself and my ego.

I just wish he would learn how to work on his.

I am new to the site and my spelling is horriable...

Thanks for your time

InLove · 07-03-2005, 06:36 AM

Hey, KarmaPolice--you made me smile with your choice of screen names--

. Welcome to CR.

I think you must be here for some encouragement. I encourage you to follow your heart. Looks like you have started to do just that.

InPeace,
InLove

KarmaPolice · 07-03-2005, 10:21 PM

Thank you for the welcome.. and kind words. Do you have any suggestions on how to approach my frined?

I, Brian · 07-04-2005, 11:14 AM

Hi KarmaPolice, and welcome to CR.

I'm not sure there is anything we can actually offer you, though - CR is simply an interfaith forum, and not a counseling service. Also, individual circumstances are very personal and it would take a more extant understanding of the situation to be able to offer specific comments on such a situation.

Ultimately, be most concerned for how you carry yourself in this world, and allow other people to make their own way.

2c.

Vajradhara · 07-05-2005, 03:31 PM

Namaste Karmapolice,

thank you for the post, welcome to CR and enjoy your stay.

did you get your screen name from the Radiohead song?

generally speaking, with regards to your friend, the best approach that you can have is to be open, honest and upfront with them regarding their behavior. from the Buddhist point of view, we try to approach beings from a perspective of compassionate awareness and concern.

this can be a difficult thing to manage with beings that are purposefully negative or rude, as the case may be. in such instances as these, however, should we be able to maintain our compassionate concern, we can remain calm and peaceful enough to realize that, despite the assertions to the contrary, your friend, too, is suffering.

once we can recognize this, perhaps realize it is a better term, it lessens the emotional impact that their actions may normally have upon us.

with regards to lessening the ego..

i suspect that there is little that you could say that would have any effect. this is a process that each being, ultimately, must undergo on their own. if you have a very strong relationship, then perhaps you could be a motivation or something of this nature. in the end, however, it is up to the individual being.

metta,
~v

lunamoth · 07-05-2005, 04:33 PM

Hi KarmaPolice,

Welcome to CR.

I second Vajradhara's advice but also would add that perhaps the way you conduct yourself will eventually help him. My own rule of life has been greatly enhanced by friends who choose a gentle and humble approach. I notice their peacefulness and the attractiveness of their personalities, and I want to be that way too. Maybe not at first, but it does sink in after a while (like when the women are attracted to you, instead of him

).

peace,
lunamoth

KarmaPolice · 07-05-2005, 09:19 PM

I thank you all for your words.
I did get my name from the Radiohead song.
I will continue to be relaxed.
I believe I will just lead by example and let things unfold.

Thanks again for the warm welcome!

Proph 1 · 07-15-2005, 08:29 AM

Quote:

Could anybody offer advice?

Yes. Ignore him! Ego's emeny is no attention.

KarmaPolice · 07-17-2005, 04:33 AM

I continue to remain relaxed and try to "let things go"
I have been seeing him a lot less.. and he does notice it
and gets upset with me. Just because lack of attention is the ego's enemy doesn't mean that I will help the situation.

thanks again for your support.

Morrigan · 08-16-2005, 03:33 PM

I agree with the 'like when the women are attracted to you, instead of him' statement

. That will be a bit of a wake-up call for him, knowing that you don't have to be 'it' to be liked. In the end, most women will shun him because of his arrogance- I know this for a fact, I knew someone just like that. I think the only difference was that he didn't have a very nice body, but he used his soft-core drug dealing as a basis to be well-known and loved. He's an idiot, in my opinion

.