Hey whats happened to Alex

[17th Angel]

Originally Posted by Dondi

Mortality, more likely then?

That's the one..... :s

Originally Posted by Dondi

Mortality, more likely then?



I'm curious as to why you feel anxiety. Is it a sense of impending judgement? Or feeling of inadequacy? A sense of not knowing what's beyond, or even if there IS a beyond? What are you panicking about, if you don't mind me asking?

Honestly I think it is "all of the above."

Even though that doesn't really add up huh?

It's like...

Oh goodness! I have to die.... No matter what I do, that is my fate, All the money in the world cannot buy me time, all the good deeds cannot earn me more time.. Then it of course spans out Well God is loving and will show me mercy... If he's there.. I -think- he's there... Isn't he? Then why can he not ease my troubled mind? Maybe It' because I have to do something? Maybe it's because I'm knocking but theres no one home... Am I forsaken? Am I doomed? Am I needing to do something myself? Am I speaking to a void?

It snowballs from one microscopic thing to a full blown assault of questions that make me worse...

And then yes I go from looking passed the up and comming events to what shall happen after these events....

Will I live again? Will I live in peace? Will the world see peace? Will there truly be unity? Will I become nothing..... And maybe it is my ego... I don't know but one big thought I dwell on.. Will I, be forgotten.... That scares the **** out of me... I don't know why...

And yeah I guess the thought of being inadequate is in most of these thoughts.... "people can be forgiven" "there are worse people out there then me...." "what if I have ignored many warnings to turn back?" "what if it's too late?" "what if, my pleas for guidance, wisdom, peace, and forgiveness are not answered not because he isn't there, but because I am not worthy to be given them......"

Brother, there is many thoughts and reasons why I panic... The mind races.... And I just wish it wouldn't.

[Paladin]

Alex,
I've watched you go through so much the last few years, and rarely have I said anything, because to offer advice especially unsolicited seemed untoward.
But, at the risk of sounding lame, I'm going to chance it. I smoked weed quite a bit when younger, and when I stopped daily use I felt very raw and vulnerable and something more, something I couldn't put my finger on, but beyond any craving there was this sense that I lost something.
So many questions, and why doesn't religion work? I remember that too.
Be at peace though, life isn't what you think, it really is what it is regardless of our fears and fancies.
Take a little time away from the searching and questioning. Just live, but live as deeply as you know how. Love and love completely without hesitation , for no matter what the outcome you will know what love is like.
Enjoy the feeling of your breath filling your body, the sounds around you even if they are discordant for they are real too.
Be at peace my friend, everything really is okay regardless of how it seems.

[Dondi]

Originally Posted by Alex

Oh goodness! I have to die.... No matter what I do, that is my fate, All the money in the world cannot buy me time, all the good deeds cannot earn me more time.

Welcome to the human race.

Then it of course spans out Well God is loving and will show me mercy... If he's there.. I -think- he's there... Isn't he? Then why can he not ease my troubled mind? Maybe It' because I have to do something? Maybe it's because I'm knocking but theres no one home... Am I forsaken? Am I doomed? Am I needing to do something myself? Am I speaking to a void?

I sometimes have my doubts, too. Believe you me. You are only speaking to a void if that is all you do. Do you have to do something? Find out yourself if God is there. You wanna know how? It's not about looking for signs in the heavens, it's testing for yourself if God is working in your life by aligning yourself to His Ways. God wants to prove Himself through your actions, done in a spirit of Love (think I Cor. 13:1-3). I believe that is the realm where God operates and reveals Himself to us.

Will I live again? Will I live in peace? Will the world see peace? Will there truly be unity? Will I become nothing..... And maybe it is my ego... I don't know but one big thought I dwell on.. Will I, be forgotten.... That scares the **** out of me... I don't know why...

You have the power to do your part in all this. You wanna see peace, live peacefully with others. If you wanna see unity, get united with people. You don't wanna be nothing, then do something worthwhile. You don't want to be forgotten, then be there for people who will remember you for what you've done for them.

And yeah I guess the thought of being inadequate is in most of these thoughts.... "people can be forgiven" "there are worse people out there then me...." "what if I have ignored many warnings to turn back?" "what if it's too late?" "what if, my pleas for guidance, wisdom, peace, and forgiveness are not answered not because he isn't there, but because I am not worthy to be given them......"

Brother, there is many thoughts and reasons why I panic... The mind races.... And I just wish it wouldn't.

Don't live in the light of others. You are your own light. When you compare yourself with others, you will just end up frustrated. Jesus was only our example. He lived the best life He could in the light of God. Alex needs to live the best life in the light of God, too. Afterall, He gave you a life to live out. If He created you, don't you think He would deem you worthy to receive all those things you think you lack? I don't think God is a respector of persons. But by the same token, I think we limit ourselves by not recognizing that the things we seek are available to us from Him.

The game of life is not about being the goodest and most pious person, it's about being the best Lover of all things in His creation.

[farhan]

Originally Posted by Alex P

I try to be enthusiastic and no matter what I end up dwelling on death and that isn't something I wish to dwell on. I haven't stopped thinking of how my father died (and that was two years ago..) I have never dwelled on it... But the more I am looking into religion the more my morality comes to reality and I fear I am to die like my father.... I am at my most "happiest" when I am not thinking of such things, so I am not really "doing" religion (even though I want to lol, I am kind of nuts so yeah....) I believe in god but I don't wish to think of god. It won't make sense... But to me it's perfect. all in all, I feel vunerable and that isn't what I want, so ignorance is the plan for bliss....

Originally Posted by Alex P

Oh goodness! I have to die.... No matter what I do, that is my fate, All the money in the world cannot buy me time, all the good deeds cannot earn me more time..

Dont you think death is scarier without religion, than with it. I mean what is worse than nothing?

No matter how much you run, your fears will follow. The more they follow you the more you grow weak. Its like running away from a dog. You know you cant outrun it. Turn back & kick its face, thats the only way out.

There is an interesting behaviour among us humans. We attach so much emotions to facts, that our emotional shades become a bigger fact than the fact itself. Two things come attached with death, fear of unknown & fear of loss. Fear of unknown can be reframed into something more palatable, & fear of loss can only be fought on metaphysical level. Kahlil Jibran says an interesting thing,"when I see death, I remember people on a ship sailing away from a sea port, & their relatives waving their hands, saying goodbye. I realise that there are other people on the other port who are waiting to wellcome them."

BTW try some buddhist meditations, atleast they will give you enough power to scare away the demons of mind. You dont have to follow or affiliate yourself to anything. Just do it for a change (Mind is like an untamed horse btw. It doesnt like being controlled. It will fight back).

Then it of course spans out Well God is loving and will show me mercy... If he's there.. I -think- he's there... Isn't he? Then why can he not ease my troubled mind? Maybe It' because I have to do something? Maybe it's because I'm knocking but theres no one home... Am I forsaken? Am I doomed? Am I needing to do something myself? Am I speaking to a void?

Hey, if your teacher helps you pass the exam, then whats the point of exams anyways. I guess its all a part of learning process, getting cold hands, shaky feet, cloudy mind etc.

[mee]

hey Alex , Jehovah knows just what we need , i have just gone on to the official website of Jehovahs witnesses and the main thing at the top is just what you are talking about .

[Penguin]

Life is too serious, to take serious

Easier said than done of course!

[c0de]

Originally Posted by Alex P

assallamu aleykum wa rahmattullahi wa barakatuh,

WoW....

I'm gonna have to google an appropriate response to this one.
.
.
.
Well, here it is:

Wa' alaikum As'salam wa rahmatu Allah wa barakatuh wa maghfiratuh wa tayyib salawatih.'

I wasn't really bothered about it when it happened (Yes I now sound like a cold hearted monster....) It has been only on my mind for like the past year perhaps.

It has nothing to do with you being cold hearted,
its just the differences in the way everyone is built.

Different types of fear inflict different people. Maybe for you, the actual
bereavement/separation is not as disturbing as dealing with the concept of
mortality. Other people are more sentimental, and worry more about the
separation itself. Others are simply afraid of what happens after death,
because they don't know anything about it. Its like stepping into the
unknown, and it scares them.

You have to deal with the issue that is relevant to you.
Don't worry about what doesn't concern you.

[Saltmeister]

Originally Posted by c0de

My sincere condolences Alex...

It can take many years for such emotional wounds to heal.
But they do heal... inshAllah.

As per what I said to you last in the thread, "A New Threat to Interfaith Scholarship," methinks Alex is going "radioactive."

Originally Posted by c0de

Well, here it is:

Wa' alaikum As'salam wa rahmatu Allah wa barakatuh wa maghfiratuh wa tayyib salawatih.'

Oh boy! Arabic. Can't you guys speak a language we can understand?

Have you got somethin' to hide?

Are you planning a coup de'tat against the government? Maybe this is part of a conspiracy.

(On a more serious note, I'd be curious to know what it means -- both what you and Alex said.)

[c0de]

Originally Posted by Saltmeister

Oh boy! Arabic. Can't you guys speak a language we can understand?

Have you got somethin' to hide?

Are you planning a coup de'tat against the government? Maybe this is part of a conspiracy.

(On a more serious note, I'd be curious to know what it means -- both what you and Alex said.)

LOL dude I dont even know what all that means
I just copy pasted

[Faithfulservant]

Knowing others have problems doesn't make me feel any better lol... I do find it strange how it is common that a man can find comfort knowing he isn't the only one who suffers, strange isn't it lol.

Yes I admit I have panic attacks, I wasn't going to mention it but, you started it!!! lol... I used to get them awhile back... When I was looking into religion, I found marijuana as my resolve... Now I am resolving them without the plant. That test tightening is terrible isn't it? I hated the stinging pains that would shoot down my shoulder areas into my chest... Awful....

Cancer was your worry was it? Mines heart attacks ;/ because bam *clicks his fingers* like that it can happen... done.

See I would pray to god when I went to bed to ease my mind and guide me... But my anxiety only grew

I knew you were having panic attacks because I recognized exactly the almost manic way you posted about death. . I also experienced the cure but thats another discussion.

Its pretty obvious that talking about faith is sparking it and how close and personal the attack is isnt it? The closer you get to "getting it" the more extreme the attacks are I wager...

I strongly encourage you to read up on spiritual warfare... i would even suggest a good fiction series by Frank Peretti This Present Darkness and Piercing The Darkness. Its not preachy its just a novel about a town being the prize in the battle between the demonic and heavenly hosts.. But the author has a good grasp of the war between the two and you can actually understand and recognize how it happens in your own life.. it really makes known the absolute power and necessity of prayer... On its own its really a good read, Alex

There are demons and Ive seen them at work even though Iwouldnt recognize them on my own I did only by discernment from God and I have. If you anyones curious I would go into detail but otherwise I will not.

[c0de]

Originally Posted by Faithfulservant

There are demons and Ive seen them at work even though Iwouldnt recognize them on my own I did only by discernment from God and I have. If you anyones curious I would go into detail but otherwise I will not.

This subject always fascinated me.
I would love to hear about your experiences.
Do you want to start a new thread about this?

[17th Angel]

Wow... Ok this will take some time to reply too lol... (thanks for replies!!!!!!!)

Originally Posted by Paladin

Alex,
I've watched you go through so much the last few years, and rarely have I said anything, because to offer advice especially unsolicited seemed untoward.
But, at the risk of sounding lame, I'm going to chance it. I smoked weed quite a bit when younger, and when I stopped daily use I felt very raw and vulnerable and something more, something I couldn't put my finger on, but beyond any craving there was this sense that I lost something.
So many questions, and why doesn't religion work? I remember that too.
Be at peace though, life isn't what you think, it really is what it is regardless of our fears and fancies.
Take a little time away from the searching and questioning. Just live, but live as deeply as you know how. Love and love completely without hesitation , for no matter what the outcome you will know what love is like.
Enjoy the feeling of your breath filling your body, the sounds around you even if they are discordant for they are real too.
Be at peace my friend, everything really is okay regardless of how it seems.

You don't sound lame, in fact, I really liked your post, thank you.

Originally Posted by Dondi

Welcome to the human race.



I sometimes have my doubts, too. Believe you me. You are only speaking to a void if that is all you do. Do you have to do something? Find out yourself if God is there. You wanna know how? It's not about looking for signs in the heavens, it's testing for yourself if God is working in your life by aligning yourself to His Ways. God wants to prove Himself through your actions, done in a spirit of Love (think I Cor. 13:1-3). I believe that is the realm where God operates and reveals Himself to us.



You have the power to do your part in all this. You wanna see peace, live peacefully with others. If you wanna see unity, get united with people. You don't wanna be nothing, then do something worthwhile. You don't want to be forgotten, then be there for people who will remember you for what you've done for them.



Don't live in the light of others. You are your own light. When you compare yourself with others, you will just end up frustrated. Jesus was only our example. He lived the best life He could in the light of God. Alex needs to live the best life in the light of God, too. Afterall, He gave you a life to live out. If He created you, don't you think He would deem you worthy to receive all those things you think you lack? I don't think God is a respector of persons. But by the same token, I think we limit ourselves by not recognizing that the things we seek are available to us from Him.

The game of life is not about being the goodest and most pious person, it's about being the best Lover of all things in His creation.

It all sounds fairly simply... But, sometimes I question if it will work out like this.

Originally Posted by farhan

Dont you think death is scarier without religion, than with it. I mean what is worse than nothing?

No matter how much you run, your fears will follow. The more they follow you the more you grow weak. Its like running away from a dog. You know you cant outrun it. Turn back & kick its face, thats the only way out.

There is an interesting behaviour among us humans. We attach so much emotions to facts, that our emotional shades become a bigger fact than the fact itself. Two things come attached with death, fear of unknown & fear of loss. Fear of unknown can be reframed into something more palatable, & fear of loss can only be fought on metaphysical level. Kahlil Jibran says an interesting thing,"when I see death, I remember people on a ship sailing away from a sea port, & their relatives waving their hands, saying goodbye. I realise that there are other people on the other port who are waiting to wellcome them."

BTW try some buddhist meditations, atleast they will give you enough power to scare away the demons of mind. You dont have to follow or affiliate yourself to anything. Just do it for a change (Mind is like an untamed horse btw. It doesnt like being controlled. It will fight back).

Hey, if your teacher helps you pass the exam, then whats the point of exams anyways. I guess its all a part of learning process, getting cold hands, shaky feet, cloudy mind etc.

Facing our fears being the only way to conquor them eh? Hard to stop running at times from that which cannot be seen, but then it could be said, that it is strange to run from something that isn't visible. As if running from nothing. I tried doing the buddhist meditation things... Not me I must say...

Originally Posted by mee

hey Alex , Jehovah knows just what we need , i have just gone on to the official website of Jehovahs witnesses and the main thing at the top is just what you are talking about .

I shall read it

Originally Posted by Penguin

Life is too serious, to take serious

Easier said than done of course!

Of course old bean! Then again, nice quote!

Originally Posted by c0de

WoW....

I'm gonna have to google an appropriate response to this one.
.
.
.
Well, here it is:

Wa' alaikum As'salam wa rahmatu Allah wa barakatuh wa maghfiratuh wa tayyib salawatih.'


It has nothing to do with you being cold hearted,
its just the differences in the way everyone is built.

Different types of fear inflict different people. Maybe for you, the actual
bereavement/separation is not as disturbing as dealing with the concept of
mortality. Other people are more sentimental, and worry more about the
separation itself. Others are simply afraid of what happens after death,
because they don't know anything about it. Its like stepping into the
unknown, and it scares them.

You have to deal with the issue that is relevant to you.
Don't worry about what doesn't concern you.

Not sure with or without it has been bothering me very much! As I have said I am starting to feel very better... And yesterday after typing on here I felt even better. Wow very nice reply there Google? Cheater!!!! I googled it and it didn't come up? You must have the special google! I wasn't effected by my fathers death because of how I saw him in my eyes and a bad father and husband. *shrugs* I made my peace with him before he died.. And forgot about it, but for a lil while now it has been on my mind.

Originally Posted by Saltmeister

Oh boy! Arabic. Can't you guys speak a language we can understand?

Have you got somethin' to hide?

Are you planning a coup de'tat against the government? Maybe this is part of a conspiracy.

*subtly places his hand on his sword* *mutters under his breath... He knows too much...*

Originally Posted by Saltmeister

As per what I said to you last in the thread, "A New Threat to Interfaith Scholarship," methinks Alex is going "radioactive."

Ay? lol.

Originally Posted by c0de

LOL dude I dont even know what all that means
I just copy pasted

Your muslim? You must know what it means!!!

Originally Posted by Saltmeister

(On a more serious note, I'd be curious to know what it means -- both what you and Alex said.)

I said to code to recognise his islamic roots... May peace be upon him and the blessing and mercy of allah.... And then he replied with quite a special reply... Which means and may peace be upon you, and the (special!)blessings, mercy and forgiveness of allah it was used by the tabieen to address Caliph.

Originally Posted by Faithfulservant

I knew you were having panic attacks because I recognized exactly the almost manic way you posted about death. . I also experienced the cure but thats another discussion.

Its pretty obvious that talking about faith is sparking it and how close and personal the attack is isnt it? The closer you get to "getting it" the more extreme the attacks are I wager...

I strongly encourage you to read up on spiritual warfare... i would even suggest a good fiction series by Frank Peretti This Present Darkness and Piercing The Darkness. Its not preachy its just a novel about a town being the prize in the battle between the demonic and heavenly hosts.. But the author has a good grasp of the war between the two and you can actually understand and recognize how it happens in your own life.. it really makes known the absolute power and necessity of prayer... On its own its really a good read, Alex

There are demons and Ive seen them at work even though Iwouldnt recognize them on my own I did only by discernment from God and I have. If you anyones curious I would go into detail but otherwise I will not.

I think I agree with c0de would be an interesting thread

I will try to look at the books when I feel up to it, (not a book person lol) But I will when I feel a bit better look at it I attempted to use "power of prayer" as I guess a therapy to settle me but it idn't help :/

[Faithfulservant]

I will try to look at the books when I feel up to it, (not a book person lol) But I will when I feel a bit better look at it I attempted to use "power of prayer" as I guess a therapy to settle me but it idn't help :/

Prayer is a muscle and faith is the power behind it.... its like trying to bench 250 lbs when you're scrawny. You build your muscle by working it and overcoming obstacles through faith... it all works together. The more you believe in it the more and faster it works. Jesus said we could move mountains.

Please dont give up on prayer. We are so much less than we could be without it.

[Faithfulservant]

I guess I can start the thread.

[Quahom1]

Originally Posted by Alex P

Wow... Ok this will take some time to reply too lol... (thanks for replies!!!!!!!)



You don't sound lame, in fact, I really liked your post, thank you.




It all sounds fairly simply... But, sometimes I question if it will work out like this.



Facing our fears being the only way to conquor them eh? Hard to stop running at times from that which cannot be seen, but then it could be said, that it is strange to run from something that isn't visible. As if running from nothing. I tried doing the buddhist meditation things... Not me I must say...



I shall read it



Of course old bean! Then again, nice quote!



Not sure with or without it has been bothering me very much! As I have said I am starting to feel very better... And yesterday after typing on here I felt even better. Wow very nice reply there Google? Cheater!!!! I googled it and it didn't come up? You must have the special google! I wasn't effected by my fathers death because of how I saw him in my eyes and a bad father and husband. *shrugs* I made my peace with him before he died.. And forgot about it, but for a lil while now it has been on my mind.



*subtly places his hand on his sword* *mutters under his breath... He knows too much...*



Ay? lol.



Your muslim? You must know what it means!!!




I said to code to recognise his islamic roots... May peace be upon him and the blessing and mercy of allah.... And then he replied with quite a special reply... Which means and may peace be upon you, and the (special!)blessings, mercy and forgiveness of allah it was used by the tabieen to address Caliph.



I think I agree with c0de would be an interesting thread

I will try to look at the books when I feel up to it, (not a book person lol) But I will when I feel a bit better look at it I attempted to use "power of prayer" as I guess a therapy to settle me but it idn't help :/

Bored with us already...such a shame. You were just getting interesting.

Well, you know where we are, and you are always welcome Alex. Your presence would be sorely missed.

May you find what it is you are looking for (and bring it back here for the rest of us to see and wonder).

Chief Warrant Officer salutes...

Q