Hey whats happened to Alex

mee · 12-03-2008, 02:40 PM

where have you gone ?

are you lurking in the shadows

Just wondered as i havent seen your posts in a while

greymare · 12-03-2008, 06:46 PM

oh hes definately a lurker. LOL

17th Angel · 12-03-2008, 06:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mee

where have you gone ?

are you lurking in the shadows

Just wondered as i havent seen your posts in a while

Greetings Mee,

Wow, I am quite suprised and touched to see you checking up on me, I keep popping in, yeah I guess I am in the shadows

Hope all is well with you

mee · 12-04-2008, 08:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Alex P

Greetings Mee,

Wow, I am quite suprised and touched to see you checking up on me, I keep popping in, yeah I guess I am in the shadows

Hope all is well with you

good to see you lurking around

17th Angel · 12-04-2008, 03:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mee

good to see you lurking around

Lurking from time to time

I don't really have much use for this forum anymore, but I still partake in the gamers social group so I pop on now and then

Dondi · 12-04-2008, 07:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Alex P

Lurking from time to time

I don't really have much use for this forum anymore, but I still partake in the gamers social group so I pop on now and then

I'm rather struck by your statement that you don't have much use for this forum anymore. What do you mean by that exactly?

17th Angel · 12-04-2008, 08:25 PM

Well, I was going to try and rephrase it but I am not sure how... I have found when I talk/debate/discuss/whatever religion and attempt to get "into" religion my life is burdened... I feel sad and depressed.

I try to be enthusiastic and no matter what I end up dwelling on death and that isn't something I wish to dwell on. I haven't stopped thinking of how my father died (and that was two years ago..) I have never dwelled on it... But the more I am looking into religion the more my morality comes to reality and I fear I am to die like my father.... I am at my most "happiest" when I am not thinking of such things, so I am not really "doing" religion (even though I want to lol, I am kind of nuts so yeah....) I believe in god but I don't wish to think of god. It won't make sense... But to me it's perfect. all in all, I feel vunerable and that isn't what I want, so ignorance is the plan for bliss....

So my attendance to this forum has obviously faded, as I try to find joy but I can't and I guess in reality religion depresses me.... *shrugs*

Dream · 12-04-2008, 08:39 PM

Well its not like you're just disappearing into thin air, and its not like I can shake your hand or buy you a coffee. Internet friends are a let-down from the get-go for that reason. We're too impersonal. I could have bad breath and you'd never know it.

Penguin · 12-04-2008, 08:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Alex P

Well, I was going to try and rephrase it but I am not sure how... I have found when I talk/debate/discuss/whatever religion and attempt to get "into" religion my life is burdened... I feel sad and depressed.

I try to be enthusiastic and no matter what I end up dwelling on death and that isn't something I wish to dwell on. I haven't stopped thinking of how my father died (and that was two years ago..) I have never dwelled on it... But the more I am looking into religion the more my morality comes to reality and I fear I am to die like my father.... I am at my most "happiest" when I am not thinking of such things, so I am not really "doing" religion (even though I want to lol, I am kind of nuts so yeah....) I believe in god but I don't wish to think of god. It won't make sense... But to me it's perfect. all in all, I feel vunerable and that isn't what I want, so ignorance is the plan for bliss....

So my attendance to this forum has obviously faded, as I try to find joy but I can't and I guess in reality religion depresses me.... *shrugs*

I am sorry to hear this Alex. I can relate to what you are saying though. Anytime you wanna PM me you know where I am ok.
Have a break, see how you feel after a few weeks. I'll be praying for you dude. Take care.

Dondi · 12-04-2008, 09:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Alex P

Well, I was going to try and rephrase it but I am not sure how... I have found when I talk/debate/discuss/whatever religion and attempt to get "into" religion my life is burdened... I feel sad and depressed.

I try to be enthusiastic and no matter what I end up dwelling on death and that isn't something I wish to dwell on. I haven't stopped thinking of how my father died (and that was two years ago..) I have never dwelled on it... But the more I am looking into religion the more my morality comes to reality and I fear I am to die like my father.... I am at my most "happiest" when I am not thinking of such things, so I am not really "doing" religion (even though I want to lol, I am kind of nuts so yeah....) I believe in god but I don't wish to think of god. It won't make sense... But to me it's perfect. all in all, I feel vunerable and that isn't what I want, so ignorance is the plan for bliss....

So my attendance to this forum has obviously faded, as I try to find joy but I can't and I guess in reality religion depresses me.... *shrugs*

Wow. Not the response I was expecting at all, Alex.

Without getting too personal, for I know not my place in your situation, if at all, I do want to say that I enjoy immensely your responses on this forum. You have a great heart and a wonderful sense of humor.

As for God and Religion, I appreciate your candidness in regards to you sense of vulnerability and morality. Speaking for myself, I feel vunerable and immoral very frequently. I know that there is no way I can reach God's standards, or what I perceive them to be. That is why I am attracted to the idea of Grace. Which doesn't drive me from God, contrare, but toward Him, seeing that I need all the help I can. Though at times I find myself slipping from Him. It's a tug of war, to be sure. But I look at Grace as that which I can stop struggling so much knowing that God loves me inspite of myself.

I can only speculate what you are feeling in regards to your dad and in death in general. Death isn't something that anyone likes to dwell on. But it is a fact of life. You are never going to get away from it, it will always be in the back of your mind. You aren't alone in your feelings. So why not accept it and just focus more on living. Looking over the plowshare ain't gonna do you any good. Appreciate the life that you have and make something of it.

c0de · 12-04-2008, 10:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Alex P

I haven't stopped thinking of how my father died (and that was two years ago..) I have never dwelled on it...

My sincere condolences Alex...

It can take many years for such emotional wounds to heal.
But they do heal... inshAllah.

Faithfulservant · 12-04-2008, 10:46 PM

I had the same thing happen after my dad and it lasted for many years and to the point where I would have panic attacks that actually made me think I was dying. God does work miracles and I firmly believe He healed me of that anxiety disorder because I havent had it in a couple years now. I would dwell on death so much that I couldnt sleep anymore.

I also heard a comforting message that when you are His and are in His will you are immortal until He decides otherwise. That means nothing can happen thats not His will... that was pretty much the thing that let me be able to breathe and quit worrying about getting cancer..

I dont know if it helps you to know that other people have these problems too... I know it helped me when I finally realized that my chest tightening and the hyperventilating was actually a panic attack and not a heart attack and that other people had the same problem.

17th Angel · 12-04-2008, 11:34 PM

Ok I wish I hadn't said so much now.... :/

Quote:

Originally Posted by Penguin

I am sorry to hear this Alex. I can relate to what you are saying though. Anytime you wanna PM me you know where I am ok.
Have a break, see how you feel after a few weeks. I'll be praying for you dude. Take care.

Your offer is very much appreciated, I enjoy our PM's

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dondi

Wow. Not the response I was expecting at all, Alex.

Without getting too personal, for I know not my place in your situation, if at all, I do want to say that I enjoy immensely your responses on this forum. You have a great heart and a wonderful sense of humor.

As for God and Religion, I appreciate your candidness in regards to you sense of vulnerability and morality. Speaking for myself, I feel vunerable and immoral very frequently. I know that there is no way I can reach God's standards, or what I perceive them to be. That is why I am attracted to the idea of Grace. Which doesn't drive me from God, contrare, but toward Him, seeing that I need all the help I can. Though at times I find myself slipping from Him. It's a tug of war, to be sure. But I look at Grace as that which I can stop struggling so much knowing that God loves me inspite of myself.

I can only speculate what you are feeling in regards to your dad and in death in general. Death isn't something that anyone likes to dwell on. But it is a fact of life. You are never going to get away from it, it will always be in the back of your mind. You aren't alone in your feelings. So why not accept it and just focus more on living. Looking over the plowshare ain't gonna do you any good. Appreciate the life that you have and make something of it.

I have always been that way, as a child I used to think of death occasionally and then I would dream I was a millionaire and take my family out in limos and crap like that lol and my mind would wander from the subject... And that was it, but now, as an adult, I do not normally even think of it... But the more I get into religion and spirituality the more my mind focuses in on the topic, and it becomes a struggle to get my mind off it... And this has enhanced my as FS has said spot on, panic attacks... I got Vicky to take me to the hospital one night as I thought I was having a heart attack..... (how my father died)

Since I have been not getting so involved in religious debates on forums I visit and not discussing religion here where I live and stopped reading the bible and yes, even stopped praying. I am mentally feeling better, I have got my apetite back and gaining weight and the "pains" in my chest have ceased.

Sorry! I used the wrong word... Morality isn't the word... Sorry Woah, lol no that is the wrong word... lol. It sounds like that word... (ugh I sound dense now...) Basically I am aware how fleeting life is.

Quote:

Originally Posted by c0de

My sincere condolences Alex...

It can take many years for such emotional wounds to heal.
But they do heal... inshAllah.

assallamu aleykum wa rahmattullahi wa barakatuh,

I wasn't really bothered about it when it happened (Yes I now sound like a cold hearted monster....) It has been only on my mind for like the past year perhaps.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Faithfulservant

I had the same thing happen after my dad and it lasted for many years and to the point where I would have panic attacks that actually made me think I was dying. God does work miracles and I firmly believe He healed me of that anxiety disorder because I havent had it in a couple years now. I would dwell on death so much that I couldnt sleep anymore.

I also heard a comforting message that when you are His and are in His will you are immortal until He decides otherwise. That means nothing can happen thats not His will... that was pretty much the thing that let me be able to breathe and quit worrying about getting cancer..

I dont know if it helps you to know that other people have these problems too... I know it helped me when I finally realized that my chest tightening and the hyperventilating was actually a panic attack and not a heart attack and that other people had the same problem.

Knowing others have problems doesn't make me feel any better lol... I do find it strange how it is common that a man can find comfort knowing he isn't the only one who suffers, strange isn't it lol.

Yes I admit I have panic attacks, I wasn't going to mention it but, you started it!!! lol... I used to get them awhile back... When I was looking into religion, I found marijuana as my resolve... Now I am resolving them without the plant. That test tightening is terrible isn't it? I hated the stinging pains that would shoot down my shoulder areas into my chest... Awful....

Cancer was your worry was it? Mines heart attacks ;/ because bam *clicks his fingers* like that it can happen... done.

See I would pray to god when I went to bed to ease my mind and guide me... But my anxiety only grew

17th Angel · 12-05-2008, 12:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dream

Well its not like you're just disappearing into thin air, and its not like I can shake your hand or buy you a coffee. Internet friends are a let-down from the get-go for that reason. We're too impersonal. I could have bad breath and you'd never know it.

ARGH! I missed one... My bad..

I am a let down? I am sorry if you feel that way, and you're a let down? You haven't let me down.

Could I also say sorry for being to impersonal :P

Dondi · 12-05-2008, 12:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Alex

Morality isn't the word

Mortality, more likely then?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Alex

See I would pray to god when I went to bed to ease my mind and guide me... But my anxiety only grew

I'm curious as to why you feel anxiety. Is it a sense of impending judgement? Or feeling of inadequacy? A sense of not knowing what's beyond, or even if there IS a beyond? What are you panicking about, if you don't mind me asking?