How did you choose?

[lunamoth]

Geist, I wish I had a powerful testimony to share with you. Your words and the words spoken by other members spoken here recently pulverize my heart. But all I have to offer by way of experience are the everyday, mundane bumps and bruises of life, a life meandering slowly downhill until I realized Who was holding me in the palm of His hand. Teen years are hard, the worst, and losing your Grandfather and confidant is unspeakably hard. As much as 16 is glorified by our culture, I would never go back there. It gets better, it really does. You've gotten some good advice above--I hope some of it brings you comfort.

peace,
lunamoth

[Geist]

Don't be sorry for me!

I don't want peoples pity I'm just telling you the truth and like on most ocassions of my life its horrible, ugly and a bitch.

Originally Posted by truthseeker

For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities. Against the rulers of the darkness of this world - and spiritual wickedness in high places. Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God; that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day. And having done all, to stand. Ephesians 6:12-13.

No offence to you or your relgion but I read the Bible sometimes.. Its words give me no comfort whatsoever. I don't know why it dosn't but all I see is some ignorant man writting and trying to tell me that oh everything will be ok but I know it never was or will be.

Originally Posted by lunamoth

Sounds like you are in the dark night of the soul.

I am the drak soul. Nothings changed from the moment of my birth. My life has been one disappiontment to the next for 16 years so really I'm getting used to it now.

Originally Posted by Path_of_one

If I were you I would get some medical help.

Why bother? If its going to go away it will go on its own and if its not then its not. I can live with it eaither way.

"Take your hatred out on me, make your victim my head you never ever belived in me, I am your torniquet." - Marlin Manson

[truthseeker]

Originally Posted by Geist

Don't be sorry for me!

I don't want peoples pity I'm just telling you the truth and like on most ocassions of my life its horrible, ugly and a bitch.

I don't feel sorry for you. There are alot of people out there that haven't experienced jack and when you talk to them about some real **** they pat you on the back and say "oh it's okay". You know they don't mean it because they don't know what you're talking about. Ironically, I don't find religious comfort in the bible - whatever religious comfort is. But I know that there are things in there that make me say "hmmmm" and I never interpret this stuff in the way other people do.

No offence to you or your relgion but I read the Bible sometimes.. Its words give me no comfort whatsoever. I don't know why it dosn't but all I see is some ignorant man writting and trying to tell me that oh everything will be ok but I know it never was or will be.

You're right. From here on out there will only be sprinkles of people you can have a real conversation with. You will always be dark and deep to other people. But there's power and strength in that as long as you operate in love. The Book is for the layman. Write your own book. It's alright. You'll find, in time, that your understanding and willingness to stand against the pain of your challenges will inspire you and many others.

I'm not particularly well versed in the bible as some may be. But I have found stuff in there that have helped clear my mind through some of my challenges. I have also found sayings in Buddhism, Sikhism, and Islam to clear my mind too. The answers and empathy are everywhere. No one belief holds all of the truth.

[Geist]

Originally Posted by truthseeker

I'm not particularly well versed in the bible as some may be. But I have found stuff in there that have helped clear my mind through some of my challenges. I have also found sayings in Buddhism, Sikhism, and Islam to clear my mind too. The answers and empathy are everywhere. No one belief holds all of the truth.

I have looked into many quotes in my short life and none have been particularly comforting. Just ditracting and thats all they ever will be. In my eyes you make your own life and that means I might have to make my own comforts...

[path_of_one]

I don't feel sorry for you, just for your loss. Losing those you love is really hard, and I'm just expressing my sympathies. I've been through some crappy things in my life, and I never wanted pity, but I did appreciate compassion.

I was only suggesting getting some help out of experience. If a depression is biochemical, it can be very overwhelming and sometimes the brain needs a little kick-start to get it back in the right chemical groove of things.

A depression is different from being a "dark" person, though, and only you can know who you are and what you need. Some find comfort in religious scriptures, others find comfort in music and art, others in nature... we do indeed all have to find where we can make our own comfort. May you find what your soul desires.

[truthseeker]

Originally Posted by Geist

I have looked into many quotes in my short life and none have been particularly comforting. Just ditracting and thats all they ever will be. In my eyes you make your own life and that means I might have to make my own comforts...

And that is true. Everytime you make your own comforts you will be most confident about who you are right now, the person you want to become, and the potential you have to realize all of your dreams. Just remember to do it all in love. Let the love of your great grandfather for you emanate through you.

[Geist]

And what if you can't love?

If your to afraid of loving again because people use it for their own devises..

[Quahom1]

Originally Posted by Geist

And what if you can't love?

If your to afraid of loving again because people use it for their own devises..

Fear of loving doesn't seem to be your concern. Fear of not being loved back, well most people have that concern.

And yes frankly, it stinks when it happens.

But I've found that the more love I give, the more love seems to find its way back to me (though not always from the same source). And I've observed that those who withold their love, tend to hurt themselves more in the long run than those they denied.

my two cents

v/r

Q

[Geist]

You people make living seem so effortless and easy!

[truthseeker]

Originally Posted by Geist

And what if you can't love?

If your to afraid of loving again because people use it for their own devises..

You can love. You love so hard that even right now you are in great pain because of the expectations you have for love.

It is the love from you that will show others how to love. It takes patience and understanding - the same that you would want from others. But each time you make a breakthrough you will be stronger. The first breakthrough, beginning from this moment, is your ability to believe in the love that lives in you. Give love, and expect nothing in return. Each time you do get something in return, it will encourage you to be wherever your love is needed.

[truthseeker]

Originally Posted by Geist

You people make living seem so effortless and easy!

Yeah, sure we do. I think that there is nobody in the CR forum that has found living to be effortless nor easy. That is why we are here - to see what others think about this thing called life.

[Geist]

Originally Posted by truthseeker

It is the love from you that will show others how to love. It takes patience and understanding - the same that you would want from others. But each time you make a breakthrough you will be stronger. The first breakthrough, beginning from this moment, is your ability to believe in the love that lives in you. Give love, and expect nothing in return. Each time you do get something in return, it will encourage you to be wherever your love is needed.

Everytime I love someone they hurt me in one way or another and I'm beginning to grow wiery of it. I'd rather be cold and unfeeling if it just stops the hurting for a little while.

[truthseeker]

Originally Posted by Geist

Everytime I love someone they hurt me in one way or another and I'm beginning to grow wiery of it. I'd rather be cold and unfeeling if it just stops the hurting for a little while.

Sure it will stop the hurting for a little while. But it feels better when you love again. I still go through that myself. What hurts is when you expect your love to be recognized. Good deeds often go unrecognized because of pride. We often noticed that our good deeds have gone unrecognized because of pride. Just do it for your great granddad. Forget what everybody else thinks. They'll think you're soft and want to walk all over you. But you're not soft, you're growing in wisdom. Love is the best teacher. To deny the love in you is to deny your very existence. Your heart pumps blood, not fruit juice. And each time you bleed, you remember that you are real once again. Soon will come a time when you will have a certain respect for pain - the lessons to be learned within.

[Geist]

Originally Posted by truthseeker

Sure it will stop the hurting for a little while.

And thats all I have ever wanted a moment of peace a glimps of paradise and I have never been granted it never in my entire life!

Originally Posted by truthseeker

Forget what everybody else thinks

How can I forget when all I see when my eyes close are those faces that expect and want and desire even when my eyes are open all I see are these things.

[truthseeker]

Would you rather be like the people who you try to talk to who can't see anything at all? I'm sure sometimes you would, but really, you just think those people are stupid. You don't want to be stupid. They are looking to you because they see something in you that you don't see yet.

Originally Posted by Geist

In my eyes you make your own life and that means I might have to make my own comforts...

There's your paradise. From here on out. You are the trailblazer. Anywhere you want to go; it is now in your power to make it happen.

Funny thing is, once you get to your paradise you are going to have to smooth/clear out the ground to get rid of the pits and fallen tree branches and rocks that hurt your bare feet. You're gonna have to build your own hut. You gotta till the soil and climb the trees so you can eat. Sooner or later, you'll need a bit of help. That's where the doctrines of religion kicks in. You may choose just one doctrine or dip and dab in others. Just make sure the message is rooted in love so your knowledge may increase. Wherever you get confused, that is where you are hindered. You can choose to work through the hinderance, or if you feel it isn't worth it then you'll choose another. Most likely, the other will help you work through the hinderance you ran into before. But this thing doesn't happen over night. You'll be working through this for the rest of your life.