hugging, eye contact... - Page 2

wil · 09-19-2006, 01:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by InLove

I guess you can look a potato in the eye, or even a needle, but not a pine needle, and a tree? Well you have to maybe look them in the knot? Or not? Don't blame me--wil started it all.

When hugging a tree it is imperative that you focus, and not allow thoughts to branch off in different directions. You should feel rooted, be sure to leave your baggage behind, the tree will keep its baggage in the trunk. Express yourself, go out on a limb, just don't leave yourself there, especially in fall.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cavalier

What if you visited a society where, for deeply rooted cultural reasons, hugging and eye-contact made people very uncomfortable, or even deeply offended them?

How would you conduct yourself?

I'm often in unhugging situations, at the office while it isn't always appropriate...sometimes it is. In a society which frowned upon this...I would respect their ways...however I would dare say I'd get in some hugs.

I thought of this discussion last night when as I left a meeting in which I got/gave hugs on the way in and out... there is something about that connection.

YO-ELEVEN-11 · 09-19-2006, 02:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wil

yo and flow....

Tree huggin is ok, takes a while to get your breath coordinated though. Pine trees while occasionally sticky are great, the needles are like antenae suckin out what ails ya and enfusin you with the ethers...other trees are fine, I'm just partial to pine.

Contra dances, Dances for Univesal Peace...great places to connect with people...

Wil, I might try what you are talking about.

Are there any instructions on how to hug a tree properly?

Hope I dont see none of the "homies" when im doing it though...The jokes would not end for years.

I can just hear it now,
"Yo, we are going out tonight, would you and the tree like to come?."
LOL

By the way, where can I find a contra dance? Sounds like a lot of fun.

cavalier · 09-19-2006, 02:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wil

When hugging a tree it is imperative that you focus, and not allow thoughts to branch off in different directions. You should feel rooted, be sure to leave your baggage behind, the tree will keep its baggage in the trunk. Express yourself, go out on a limb, just don't leave yourself there, especially in fall.

wow

Quote:

Originally Posted by wil

I'm often in unhugging situations, at the office while it isn't always appropriate...sometimes it is. In a society which frowned upon this...I would respect their ways...however I would dare say I'd get in some hugs.

Sounds good.
Just realised my "How would you conduct yourself?" might have sounded a bit funny, I didn't mean anything untoward.
I've known a few touchy-feely guys over here who have definitely crossed a few people's boundaries, seems like you could be too open to people's sensibilities to do that though.

wil · 10-06-2006, 04:11 PM

Tell me this doesn't inspire you!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vr3x_RRJdd4

Pass this on to the people you feel you can't hug!

I'm gonna bet over 50% of them would change their mind!

Ciel · 11-07-2006, 01:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wil

Tell me this doesn't inspire you!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vr3x_RRJdd4

Pass this on to the people you feel you can't hug!

I'm gonna bet over 50% of them would change their mind!

Cyber hugs Wil...................

- c -

17th Angel · 11-07-2006, 02:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wil

I'm interested in religious, social and local implications....

Me, I'm a hugger, have been for decades...

Mark Victor Hansen says three a day for maintenance, seven for growth.

Now since I'm a hugger I often end up in groups, locations where hugging is acceptable...so I can get my seven a day...the heart to heart connection with another soul is valuable....plus handshaking spreads germs.

In my business relationships I don't always hug...but I am serioiusly working on replacing the business that doesn't allow/condone/encourage it.

I also like direct eye contact...gazing....listening intently...it bothers some...most grow into it.

I know some societies are more huggable than others. I think a lot of people miss that personal connection in their daily lives. I think we'd be a better world if we were all huggers....

A muslim woman at a recent retreat during a session says, "You people are very close. I find it disconcerting all this closeness, hugging, eye contact, discussing innermost thoughts to strangers. But I while it seems so foriegn and disconcerting, I am feeling I am learning to enjoy it."

thoughts?

I shake hands also eye contact is good..... On different levels..

If you are not a person that impresses me or a stranger I wouldn't physically make any contact at all... No handshakes.. Doubtful to get eye to eye contact with me either. My eyes would wander upons other things, deeming them more interesting then the person infront of me.

If you are someone I know, then a handshake would suffice...

Someone I respect, a firm hard hand shake and constant eye contact.

Then there is also "two handed" hand shakes they are reserved for very special people

The only person I hug is my wife. That video did not make me want to hug people... I felt an odd feeling of "disgust" at the people hugging... Don't ask why... no idea. I am just saying how I feel lol... And before hand I felt "pity" for the hippy who couldn't get anyone to hug him... I felt like, it was in my power to "put him out" of his misery... If I was there maybe, I would have felt it a duty to put him out of that misery.

Francis king · 11-07-2006, 05:30 PM

if you, a stranger, come up to me and hug me, dependant on the situation I would either- knee you in the nether regions or quickly extricate myself in some other manner, stamping on toes, elbows in ribs, fingers in eyes, kirby kiss, etc, etc... why on earth would you want to go round hugging people? People stink, or havent you noticed? of BO, fags, food, general grime and slime... the hippies are the worst of all- lentil bake breath that would strip paint, freerange egg stains upon their bodies... why hug me? u either want to- intimidate me with ur physical presence, u want to make love to me, u are mentally unstable or have a developmental disability of some desciption or are on E, in some dark dismal club... Obviously, I am not such a sociopath that I do not make eye contact with ppl- after all, we rely on the other person's microgestures to infer whether they are being sincere, for instance..

I have started saving to go and relocate in japan, were ppl are more respectful of the boundaries of others... in theory, at least..

Thomas · 11-07-2006, 05:41 PM

I recall someone doing a serious research project on the "social distance" of the different European countries - the 'comfortable' distance between two people in a conversation. It was quite funny - the French stand a good few inches 'too close' for English comfortability, things like that.

What it did highlight was tensions set up unintentionally but not understanding the 'rules'.

Personally I hug and kiss both male and female friends, the former only a very few, because most of them are not happy with it. I have a couple of asperges syndrome friends who recoil at my approach when we meet at parties, etc. I have read enough history to know hugging and kissing is a social pattern, so dumped most of the baggage our post-victorian ethos clings on to.

The funny thing is, some people I hug 'straight off' as it were, whereas others, a sister in law I have known for over twenty years for example, we never hug/kiss at all.

What I really enjoy however, is a good handshake with eye contact. Not knuckle-breaking stuff, but a strong grip, somehow conveys more, for me, than a hug or a kiss...

Thomas

Prober · 11-07-2006, 09:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wil

yo and flow....

Tree huggin is ok, takes a while to get your breath coordinated though. Pine trees while occasionally sticky are great, the needles are like antenae suckin out what ails ya and enfusin you with the ethers...other trees are fine, I'm just partial to pine.

Contra dances, Dances for Univesal Peace...great places to connect with people...

Need to hug with your back to the tree to get the best energy swap.

manephelien · 11-07-2006, 09:27 PM

I guess my boyfriend is the only person I hug "properly," although I will occasionally give one-armed hugs to my parents, my sister and a few very close friends.

I'm not comfortable hugging strangers, I guess.

17th Angel · 11-15-2006, 02:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Francis king

I have started saving to go and relocate in japan, were ppl are more respectful of the boundaries of others... in theory, at least..

Need a travling partner?

wil · 11-15-2006, 08:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Thomas

What I really enjoy however, is a good handshake with eye contact. Not knuckle-breaking stuff, but a strong grip, somehow conveys more, for me, than a hug or a kiss...

Oh you are quite right there, exponentially more germs are passed by a handshake than a hug or kiss. If we did away completely with handshakes in society and only hugged and/or kissed we could reduce colds and flus dramatically.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Prober

Need to hug with your back to the tree to get the best energy swap.

never heard that one...the trees I like to hug I'd have a hard time getting my arms around backwards... pine trees we are not looking for a swap but release....

Virtual_Cliff · 11-22-2006, 05:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Thomas

I have a couple of asperges syndrome friends who recoil at my approach when we meet at parties, etc.

I can confirm that. My son has asberger's and he can't look into anyone's eyes, even mine. He's also afraid of other people's breath.

But it's true - the English are very reserved. But oddly, maybe with the exception of Liverpool, the further North you go the less reserved the people. When hugging came into vogue as a Sign of the Peace at church, we all sort of ritualised it, and grimaced our way through it. But for myself, I miss it. I would hug my good friends if I could - at least the female ones. I still couldn't get over my irrational fear of seeming gay.

Anyone heard of "cuddle parties"?

cavalier · 11-23-2006, 01:01 AM

Any non-huggers been made to feel inferior?

flowperson · 11-23-2006, 03:05 AM

With me it's usually a handshake, a touching of shoulders, and a peck on the cheek if appropriate. That's the really good friends. Families are for hugs.

Thomas...did you read about Dick Cheney's handshake phobia ? It seems that he habitually uses disinfectant on his hands when he knows he'll be with the commoners.

No Cav. With me it's pretty well defined who gets and gives hugs. That's just one of the things that changes as one gets older.There's less spontaneity. But sometimes complete strangers might hug me after we've had a conversation. That's a wondrous experience for an oldster.

Sure do like your new pic.

flow....