Jokes, jokes, and more jokes ...

[chakraman]

i think only brits will get this one....



what do you call a chav in a blender?



mush!

[chakraman]

what do you call a three legged donkey....







wonkey.......teehee...teehee...lolololol

[China Cat Sunflower]

I used to have a girlfriend who had a tattoo of a sea shell on her thigh. When you put your ear to it you could smell the ocean!

Chris

[YO-ELEVEN-11]

What do you call a black man flying a plane?

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A PILOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?

LOL...HAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHA

[17th Angel]

Originally Posted by chakraman

i think only brits will get this one....



what do you call a chav in a blender?



mush!

What do you call a chav in a box?
Innit....
---
What do you call a chav in a box, with a lock on it?
Safe...
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What do you call a chav in a filling cabinet?
Sorted..
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What do you call a chav in a suit?
The accused..
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Why are chavs like slinkies?
Because they are useless, and great fun to watch them fall down a set of stairs...
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Two chavs in a car no music is playing who's driving?
The police...
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Whats the difference between a chav and a coconut?
One's thick and hairy, the other grows on trees....
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What is the difference between an onion, and a dying chav?
Onions make you cry...
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What is the first question at a chav quiz?
What you lookin' at?
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boom, boom...

[InLove]

< Stares blankly at screen, head cocked slightly in attempt to rack brain for understanding. Eventually adds Urban Slang Dictionary to Favorites, coming away with a new understanding. Makes mental note to remember that kids have left home, so one needs to work at staying in the language loop >

[17th Angel]

I think you will find it is an "English thing"... lol

Chav = majority of our youth...

Useless, jobless, education-less… They like to swear, spit, fight, insult, tend to wear tracksuits and burberry… Mostly Burberry baseball caps and scarves. Love to drink white lightning (cider) or the cheapest thing next to that… They tend to dwell in the “poorer” areas… It is the new “in” thing of most youth… I wish their demise, quicker than it is happening. Look up ASBO in a dictionary… There you have a chav heh… For those who can tolerate foul language… ChavScum.co.uk shows these people… In all their, ‘glory’.

Tend to move in "herds". Meaning they have saftey in numbers, even though they are all mouth and cowards... I have confronted them a fair few times on my journeys to the city... The foul behaviour and language they tend to throw out people... One ederly man they were very rude to.. I confronted the ten of them and their tails tucked firmly between their tails.

[Jack Halyard]

A cowboy, who is visiting Wyoming from Texas, walks into a bar and orders three mugs of beer. He sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them he comes back to the bar and orders three more.

The bartender approaches and tells the cowboy, "You know, a mug goes flat after I draw it. It would taste better if you bought one at a time."

The cowboy replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in Arizona, the other is in Colorado and when we all left our home in Texas, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together. So I'm drinking one beer for each of my brothers and one for myself."

The bartender admits that this is a nice custom and leaves it there.

The cowboy becomes a regular in the bar and always drinks the same way. He orders three mugs and drinks them in turn.

One day he comes in and only orders two mugs. All the regulars take notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your loss."

The cowboy looks quite puzzled for a moment and then a light dawns in his eyes and he laughs. "Oh, no, everybody's just fine," he explains, "it's just that my wife and I joined the Baptist Church and I had to quit drinking. Hasn't affected my brothers though."

[flowperson]

:

flow....

[Prober]

Girl with no arms and legs at the beach...Sandy
Girl with one leg shorter than the other...Ilene
Guy with no arms and legs in the water...Bob
Guy with no arms and legs hanging on the wall...Art
Guy with no arms and legs in front of the door...Matt
Guy with no arms and legs in a kettle...Stew
(etc...)

[pfw]

Originally Posted by YO-ELEVEN-11

Top Ten Reason GOD Created Eve


10. God was worried that Adam would frequently become lost in the garden because he would not ask for directions.

9. God knew that one day Adam would require someone to locate and hand him the remote.

8. God knew Adam would never go out and buy himself a new fig leaf when his wore out and would therefore need Eve to buy one for him.

7. God knew Adam would never be able to make a doctor's, dentist, or haircut appointment for himself.

6. God knew Adam would never remember which night to put he garbage on the curb.

5. God knew if the world was to be populated, men would never be able to handle the pain and discomfort of childbearing.

4. As the Keeper of the Garden, Adam would never remember where he left his tools.

3. Apparently, Adam needed someone to blame his troubles on when God caught him hiding in the garden.

2. As the Bible says, It is not good for man to be alone!

And finally, the Number 1 reason why God created Eve . .

1. When God finished the creation of Adam, He stepped back, scratched his head, and said, &quot;I can do better than that.&quot;

Aleternativly- Why did God make Eve second? He didn't want someone looking over His shoulder and telling him what to do while He was making Adam...

[YO-ELEVEN-11]

Originally Posted by pfw

Aleternativly- Why did God make Eve second? He didn't want someone looking over His shoulder and telling him what to do while He was making Adam...

now that sounds logical..

[Prober]

Originally Posted by pfw

Aleternativly- Why did God make Eve second? He didn't want someone looking over His shoulder and telling him what to do while He was making Adam...

Notice that G-d waits until Adam has named all the animals before creating Eve?

[pfw]

Two blondes walk into a bar, you'd have thought one of 'em would have seen it. OR; And Englishman, Irishman and scotsman walk into a bar. The barman says;'What is this, some kind of joke?' (groans all round) OR a Rabbi finishes his prays with this heart felt plea;'please Lord, help me. I sent my son to Isreal so he could find his Jewish roots and he came back converted to Christianity.' Much to the Rabbi's surprise God opens up the Heavens and speaks to him with the words;'Tell me about it, same thing happend to me...'

[Jack Halyard]

Why Men are Rarely Published in Dear Abby
------------
Dear Abby,
I've never written to you before, but I really need your advice on what could be a crucial decision.
I've suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me.
The usual signs... Phone rings but if I answer, the caller hangs up.
My wife has been going out with the girls a lot recently although when I
ask their names she always says, "Just some friends from work, you don't know them."
I always stay awake to look out for her taxi coming home, but she always walks down the drive.
Although I can hear a car driving off, as if she has gotten out of the car 'round the corner.
Why? Maybe she wasn't in a taxi?
I once picked her cell phone up just to see what time it was and she went berserk and screamed that I
should never touch her phone again and why was I checking up on her.
Anyway, I have never approached the subject with my wife. I think deep down I just didn't want to know the truth,
but last night she went out again and I decided to really check on her.
I decided I was going to park my Harley Davidson motorcycle next to the garage and then hide behind it so I could
get a good view of the whole street when she came home. It was at that moment, crouching behind my Harley,
that I noticed that the valve covers on my engine seemed to be leaking a little oil.
Is this something I can fix myself or should I take it back to the dealer?
Thanks, Bob