Weird things are happening to me, what does it mean?

nevermore · 01-15-2008, 09:35 PM

Hi, I'm new and need theories or suggestions or advice or something, or just comments but I can't keep it all locked in my own mind any longer. Any ideas anyone has about what's going on here, from any perspective would be very welcome. First the background; I'm sorry it's long.

I became a Protestant Christian when I was about 12, probably for stupid reasons. Soon though I did proper research into the arguments for it. I was interested in miracles, and used to seek out modern stories of them. Because Jesus said anything asked for in his name would be granted, once when I desperately wanted to escape a situation in school, in a class I did a silent prayer that something would cause that class to be interrupted so that what I feared wouldn't happen. For the first time I managed to force myself to believe it would happen, and felt peaceful afterwards. Some minutes later a fire alarm went of unexpectedly and we had to leave and follow the protocol until the lesson was scheduled to be over. My belief was firmer after that.

A couple of years later I heard of the belief that Old Testament laws should still be kept, such as not eating pork. I had vegetarian ideals by then, but was still eating meat when I was given it for dinner. I asked God to somehow show me if that was true or not. Soon afterwards that same day, I developed a strange hiccup that sounded just like a pig's noise. I know that sounds ridiculous, but I didn't actually make the connection until my mum or sister pointed out that it sounded like one.

These incidents, along with the evidence of Biblical accuracy presented on websites, are what have kept me broadly 'Christian' until now. Then earlier this year, I found some doubts were niggling too much too ignore, and found some Eastern/Oriental Orthodox Christian views of those issues. I found them more plausible than either Protestant or RC views, and from what I could tell online, the people were much more sensible and secure about their beliefs than any Christians I'd seen before, without being any less serious about them or appearing irrationally selective.

The night I decided to think of myself as more Orthodox than Protestant felt strange, because I knew the Protestant view was that non-protestants would go to Hell. I had been having episodes of sleep paralysis every month for a while, and had decided that in my case, the 'associated experiences' were hallucinatory, not spiritual or demonic, unlike the stories some people tell that can't be explained by hallucinations or scientists' current theories about it. At that point I though mine were just things my part-awake part-asleep brain conjured up. Then that night I had one involving a tall figure I couldn't see from my position, I sensed standing in a 'T' position at my feet, which moved down on top of me, so that a tingling sensation overtook my body as if it was inside me. I heard what I assumed was the being whispering something about something 'in the water'. I had learned to keep quite calm, and it was later when I realised that I'd had no episodes since that I wondered if it had been an angel, ending the attacks as a gesture that my decision was a good one and refering to my concerns about water baptism. This was in June, and I had no more sleep paralysis until November. I couldn't decide whether something was the right thing to do and started to fall asleep with it bothering me. I was woken by the sensations of something suggesting what I had been thinking about in an unpleasant context while paralysed, and supposed I was being warned.

Then no more, until last night. Yesterday I had the biggest crisis of faith ever, as the things that I had been able to explain away in long-winded speculative ways suddenly seemed insurmountable. Earlier that day I researched Hare Krishna beliefs and practices and thought I preferred their attitude to those things, although I couldn't immediately see any empirical reasons for their concrete beliefs, unlike with Christianity. From early this morning I was reminded of the feeling of waking to paralysis and laboured breathing, falling asleep, waking to it again ad nauseum. At least I wasn't aware of other activity around me this time.

What concerns me is that it's as if I'm being encouraged towards Orthodox Christianity; when I adopt it, the SP stops, when I come close to abandoning it, it starts again. Is this God pointing me in the right direction? I really have trouble understanding some of the attitudes of the Christian God, especially in the Old Testament. I can't reconcile them with other things claimed about Him. Or, could there be other supernatural powers at work, messing with me. That one in particular might explain how it seems that all three major Christian denominations along with Islam seem to demonstrate apparent miracles and exorcisms that I can't easily dismiss, despite their significant differences. Am I slightly mad? I actually find this the kindest possibility. Much of the time I'm not enthusiastic about my spirituality and don't think about it, then I'll have bouts lasting no more than a week of being fiercely curious and relishing it. I've been that way the whole time. Perhaps something is happening in my brain chemistry that's affecting both my sense of spiritualism and my tendency to SP, or if the unique combination of emotion surrounding conversion affects SP. I don't know if that would explain though how one time, a conversion experience is followed by a ceasing of it, and another time is followed by its return. I don't know enough about the brain to say, and I don't think anyone does.

I'd really like a sceptical/atheist perspective as well as every spriritual one possible. Don't be afraid of offending me in any way, please just be honest; I'm scared of what may happen in the night and when I die, and a bit fed up with the whole thing. I'm tired of thinking of alternative explanations only after becoming invested in one or another.

Thanks in advance.

path_of_one · 01-16-2008, 03:12 AM

Hello, and welcome to CR. I'll preface this by saying I am a Christian Druid. So, I haven't any issue with fusion of beliefs and I come from a more "liberal" Christian perspective than you might be used to. Various people would see what you're experiencing in different ways, according to their own perceptions.

First, as a scientist, I would say your sleep paralysis probably has nothing to do with spirituality. It is just something that happens to some people, and is uncomfortable and scary. It might be less scary if you stop believing it is punishing you for certain things and just learn to think "my body is doing this, I'll wait until it stops."

Second, as a mystic, I have experienced visions and very powerful, real dreams. My advice is you have to be careful about how you approach such things so you don't go insane. If you put too much pressure on yourself to iron out all the details, and convince yourself that there is only One Right Way and if you make a mistake, you're doomed to hell-- you'll simply go crazy trying to figure it all out.

Furthermore, if you are not firmly rooted in a tradition, you have no way of understanding or processing emotionally what you experience and no spiritual elder to help you in that endeavor. Some people can also reach out- doing energy work and such (i.e., making certain things happen or communicating with spirits). It generally takes practice to become aware of what is given by God, versus what is other spirits out there (not necessarily bad, but some are), and what you are causing yourself from your own will/intent and imagination. If you push yourself too far to wrap your mind around it or to make miracles happen, it is a surefire way to make yourself feel crazy. Going back to basics and working on them first- loving others, experiencing joy, prayers of gratefulness and worship (as opposed to intercessory and other types that are attempts to make certain things happen), actions that help others... these are ways to first ground yourself with God. Starting with attempts at miracle working, energy work, bending reality in any way, communicating with spirits of any sort, and so forth is (in my honest opinion) asking for paranoia and fear to infiltrate your heart. Any and all of these are typically seen (even by Pagan people) to be more advanced work that necessitates a firm foundation and careful selection about when and why you are doing such things, as they open yourself up to things that may make you feel crazy and they open reality up to you meddling.

God loves us. That much is clear from Jesus' words. If you wish to be a Christian, perhaps start with the basic, simple stuff. The Gospels. Not researching how different people see the Gospels. Just read what Jesus did and had to say, and focus on that until you feel that you either agree or not. "God is love." God, while He may guide us, is not as picky as I you describe Him (at least in my opinion). The entrance exam to heaven (if you imagine there is such a thing) is not a complicated multiple-choice exam. It matters not if you are Protestant, Catholic, or Orthodox (I actually never heard of a mainline Protestant saying it does). What matters is love and what you do with Christ. We are asked by Jesus to become more like Him- to be loving, humble, patient, kind, gentle... In the simplest terms, I believe that after we die, God just looks at our lives and what we did with the gift of life and His love shown through Christ. It doesn't matter if we figure out the details or not (and most of us will probably have the details wrong anyway- for who can really fathom the mind of God?). After all, Jesus says we are to be like children. Children take joy in the simplest things, they wonder at the world, they implicitly trust those who love them.

Perhaps it would help ease your anxiety to stop worrying about what is correct and to what category you belong (i.e., type of Christian, or non-Christian, or whatever) and just take some time to experience the goodness of life and God. Meditate on peace. Sit under a tree and just hang out and enjoy the sunshine. Feel the joy that comes with embracing life.

God is good. God is loving. God won't punish us for mistakes. He expects our best and we are forgiven for our faults by grace.

I would recommend that out of practicality, you speak with your doctor about your sleep paralysis. There are sleep clinics and such that can help figure out why you have a sleep disorder and correct it.

I would take some time and try to go back to simple things- joy, love, wonder- and see if this relieves some of your anxiety. If you continue to be very anxious about your spiritual choices and erratic in your thoughts or feelings, you may want to talk to a therapist. Many people suffer from anxiety, and sometimes they just need a bit of help to re-train themselves how to think and respond to situations. I would particularly look into therapy if you find that you feel or act erratically in other parts of your life- for example, if you have trouble staying in a stable job, or feel depressed or overwhelmed by life, or have periods of mania and other periods of depression. I'd shoot for honest self-assessment, but try not to get too attached to any single "answer" right off the bat.

Peace to you,
Path

greymare · 01-16-2008, 07:46 AM

I agree with Path . to a point. I dont believe in a spiritual thing (for me). I just believe in me. i do agree with Path that finding the good in everything is a good place to start. The simple things. I used to spend a lot of time, researching religions. I still am interested in all of them (there are so many and soooooo little time). LOL. None that I have read about or talked about connect with me. That in its self isnt a bad thing. I think that that is MY thing. asking, looking. Maybe there isnt an answer for you and maybe thats what your body and mind are telling you. relax. slow down,. take a breath. All you can do is be a good person to yourself and others. (thats a common factor in all religions.) Like yourself, love yourself. the rest will come naturally. Love the Grey.

Oh and welcome to CR

Pathless · 01-16-2008, 08:21 AM

Hi nevermore, welcome to CR.

As someone who has done a fair amount of religious bed-hopping (I'm a religion slut! how 'bout that?) and experienced the unpleasantness of sleep paralysis, I think Path gives some sound advice to the skeptical and spiritually wary.

Quote:

Originally Posted by path_of_one

Perhaps it would help ease your anxiety to stop worrying about what is correct and to what category you belong (i.e., type of Christian, or non-Christian, or whatever) and just take some time to experience the goodness of life and God. Meditate on peace. Sit under a tree and just hang out and enjoy the sunshine. Feel the joy that comes with embracing life.

I would take some time and try to go back to simple things- joy, love, wonder- and see if this relieves some of your anxiety. If you continue to be very anxious about your spiritual choices and erratic in your thoughts or feelings, you may want to talk to a therapist. Many people suffer from anxiety, and sometimes they just need a bit of help to re-train themselves how to think and respond to situations. I would particularly look into therapy if you find that you feel or act erratically in other parts of your life- for example, if you have trouble staying in a stable job, or feel depressed or overwhelmed by life, or have periods of mania and other periods of depression. I'd shoot for honest self-assessment, but try not to get too attached to any single "answer" right off the bat.

That sleep paralysis can be nasty, huh? I remember that I used to 'wake up'--but not really, because I COULDN'T FRICKIN' MOVE!!!!--and just KNOW that some evil impish creep was roaming through my house with a flashlight... and it was just a small matter of time before he opened the door and ATE ME or otherwise did some horrible unpleasantness the kind of which I could only think up in a half-awake paranoid state. Sometimes I would see a totally scary face or feel the malevolent intentions of this beastly ******* radiating towards me from somewhere unknown, but within walking distance. Whew, it'd be good to wake up then, in the middle of the night or early morning--yet freaky, because it was dark and eerie and, after all, just a few seconds ago a SERIAL KILLER of MONSTROUS and perhaps DEMONIC origins was bearing down on me. Hell, for all I knew, that bastitch could still be on his way.

I share all of this for several reasons:
1. It's fun to reminisce about the old days.
2. I like to type in these forums from time to time
3. I don't think these critters that come to us in sleep paralysis are gawds, angels, demons, aliens, demented cartoon characters from the nth Dimension, or any other kind of tangible freakishness. They're just one of the weird powers of our stressed-out, overworked minds.

At the time that I was having these weird bouts of sleep paralysis, I was stressed, kinda confused about stuff, working a crappy job, and was generally discontent about the state of my life and the world. I think this, more than any supernatural. extra-terrestrial or religious intervention/experience/remote-acting-upon, was the reason that Mr. Bungle the Skeletal Deranged Jackass Creeping Through My Basement would visit me every third or fourth night.

Which brings me back to my reinforcement of Path's suggestions:

Be kind to yourself.
Don't worry about the politics of religion too much.

I would also add:

Be kind to yourself again (and again and again).
Really work on this. A lot of religions set us up to beat the hell out of ourselves.
Connect with spirit in a natural, comfortable way that works for you. Trust your intuition. If a certain religious paradigm ain't workin' for you, that's probably because it just ain't right. Don't put much stock in external religious institutions. 99.9% of the time they don't know what the hell is going on, anyway, and 100+% of the time, we know better than they do what works for us spiritually, emotionally, intellectually.

Alan Watts used to say that the big teaching of the gospel never got around. This was when Jesus said, "The kingdom of heaven is inside of you." He really meant it.

Bruce Michael · 01-16-2008, 09:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nevermore

A couple of years later I heard of the belief that Old Testament laws should still be kept, such as not eating pork. I had vegetarian ideals by then, but was still eating meat when I was given it for dinner. I asked God to somehow show me if that was true or not. Soon afterwards that same day, I developed a strange hiccup that sounded just like a pig's noise. I know that sounds ridiculous, but I didn't actually make the connection until my mum or sister pointed out that it sounded like one.

Hello There Nevermore,
I have a series of posts on this that you might care to look at:

http://www.comparative-religion.com/...eats-7556.html

Quote:

Originally Posted by nevermore

Or, could there be other supernatural powers at work, messing with me.

You will find a purer form of Christianity in the Orthodox streams- see if you can take Communion.

While you were sleeping did you ever feel like somebody's knees were pressing down on your chest?

Quote:

Here we have a clue to the nature of the Sphinx. The Sphinx is really the being who has us by the throat, who strangles us. When the ether-body expands as a result of the force of the breathing, a Luciferic being appears in the soul. In such an ether-body there is then not the human, but the Luciferic form, the form of the Sphinx. The Sphinx is the being who brings doubts, who torments the soul with questions.

And so there is a definite connection between the Sphinx and the breathing process. But we also know that the breathing process is connected in a very special way with the blood. Therefore the Luciferic forces also operate in the blood, permeating and surging through it. By way of the breathing, the Luciferic forces can everywhere make their way into the blood of the human being and when excessive energy is promoted in the blood, the Luciferic nature — the Sphinx — becomes very strong.

Lecture I: The Balance in the World and Man, Lucifer and Ahriman

Greetings,
Br.Bruce

Snoopy · 01-16-2008, 10:13 AM

Hi nevermore and welcome to CR.

I can only say what I would do if I was you, based on what you say (or at least what I would hope someone would recommend that I do).

I don’t believe my “perspective” is important at the moment, what’s important is you no longer being scared of “what may happen in the night and when I die.”

Quite simply, I would make an appointment to see my GP, with a view to seeing a therapist. By all means post on this site, but I don’t think you should leave it at that to deal with these issues.

Snoopy.

17th Angel · 01-16-2008, 02:09 PM

Try Islam

Dondi · 01-16-2008, 02:38 PM

Welcome to the forum, nevermore.

Your are given excellent advise by Path of One. When I had a revival in my faith in my early 20s, after running from God for some time, I just wanted to soak it all in. I got involved with the charismatic movement and thought seeking the gifts of the Spirit (I Cor. 12-14) and such would help me grow spiritually. But as I aged I've since found that seeking out the mystical, miraculous elements of the Spirit really short circuits the process. I was rather seeking the gift rather than the Giver, which is far more important. And really, it is the outflowing of our intimacy and relationship with God, and by extension others, that moves the hand of God, not by any effort of mine to "force" the issue.

So I went back to basics. Immersed myself in scripture, prayer, fellowship with other believers, and service to the Lord in a stable church environment. And I'll tell you it has been amazing. I believe the most important thing we can do is to learn to love others as Christ did. We might not have a lot, nor any miraculous powers , but God just wants us to use what we DO have. Who knows, maybe along the way, God will show Himself in a great way, but let Him decide how He's gonna act. Just be available. Just be obedient to His calling for you.

Love & peace,

Dondi

flowperson · 01-16-2008, 05:24 PM

HI Nevermore..welcome to CR.

Lots of good advice so far from friends here, especially Path's suggestions. I would also agree with Snoopy that concentrating your concerns upon your endings is more harmful to you in the long run than making concerted efforts at beginning new things in your life.

You have shared little of your personal situation with us re: friends, parents, partners, etc. You of course don't need to do so, but as we all know here, those can profoundly affect personal outlooks and self-examinations. Many of us have also been inside of anxious and depressive situations at different times. Here I would most certainly agree with Path. If you find endless problems in trying to deal with it all yourself, go see a Doc. Maybe just one pill day and a little cognitive therapy might do the trick. But you won't know that until you try to break out of your box yourself.

Above all practice reaching out to others in ways that you don't usually do. Try volunteering your services to agencies which provide support to others with problems. I've been in your sort of situation myself at times in the past, and volunteering myself in the support of others in need always helped me. Read a lot and participate in discussions where you know that you are likely to obtain wisdom from people who have experienced similar situations. You will not likely obtain exact solutions to your conundrums, but more likely as not the advice you gain will allow you to formulate answers for you that will work.

Take a walk first thing in the morning, listen to the songs of birds, watch flowers bloom, smile at passers by, adopt a pet. Little things that you change in your daily rituals will help you combat your nocturnal problems.

Of course if you're a Raven, none of the above will help you at all !

Again...Welcome.

flow....

Still thinking · 01-17-2008, 04:38 PM

Greetings, Nevermore. I agree with most of the posts on here, but I must add my two cents. (wait, you're in England, right? So that would be two pounds, or pence, or quid, or Euros . . anyways

) I was thinking about your post last night. I, too, have this inexplicable need to somehow label myself, define who I am by what I believe, thinking that if I can point to a set of familiar words and say, "there, that's what I am, I'm a _________", that it will somehow help me explain life better. But more and more, I find myself identifying with many different and inter-faith concepts. While it makes it harder to put your finger on it when asked outright what religion you are, I think you'll find that you don't have to be one particular religion or belief. I truly believe God (the Great Spirit, the Life Force, the Unifier, whatever you call Him\Her\IT) reveals Himself to us when we are truly seeking Him. It sounds like you are merely on your journey, waiting for a destination that may take a lifetime to arrive at.
So my advice to you? RELAX! Be patient. You don't need all the answers right now, no one expects you to have them. You don't need to say, "I am an Orthodox" or "I am a Protestant" or even, "I am a vegetarian". Try to view yourself without labels. Take away all that society says defines us; gender, age, income, race, religion, experience, and think of yourself only as a beautiful child of God, whom He loves. You don't have to "be" anything. In short, stop thinking so much!

Peace to you, my friend, and good luck!

17th Angel · 01-17-2008, 04:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Still thinking

Greetings, Nevermore. I agree with most of the posts on here, but I must add my two cents. (wait, you're in England, right? So that would be two pounds, or pence, or quid, or Euros

EH!? Freaking euros? Freaking euros, in England? That will be the day..... Stirling forever.

Still thinking · 01-17-2008, 05:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 17th Angel

EH!? Freaking euros? Freaking euros, in England? That will be the day..... Stirling forever.

Sorry, I've never been to Europe (tho I'd love to go); not sure what the currency o' the day is . . .

17th Angel · 01-18-2008, 10:13 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Still thinking

Sorry, I've never been to Europe (tho I'd love to go); not sure what the currency o' the day is . . .

Europe is ok.... Canada is better.... But, if you're gonna come here, you must experience Amsterdam. A bonus is you can take Euro's there

greymare · 01-18-2008, 11:14 AM

amsterdam???? I was only talking about it yesterday. A male person I know said he wanted to spend his batchelors night / weekend/weeek there. I replied."you had better have a very understanding fiance. "

17th Angel · 01-18-2008, 12:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by greymare

amsterdam???? I was only talking about it yesterday. A male person I know said he wanted to spend his batchelors night / weekend/weeek there. I replied."you had better have a very understanding fiance. "

I think people that do that are wrong.... Then again many would say because I smoke "drugs" I am wrong.... But those people that go there for that kinda thing... That's ugly.... Then again I have always had a very strong dislike for hen/stag parties.... Was a show once about it... But won't go into it too much lol taking over this thread... *releases hostage* My bad!