Where do all the teaspoons go?

[DrumR]

This classified memo was "obtained" by Wacky Leeks
from the
Office of the Utensil Consortium Tzar.

"Once upon a midnight dreary, were I pondered, weak and weary,
Over the absolute volume of absented spoons,
There I nodded, merely napping, when suddenly there came a rattlin',
As if something small were crashin', some where near the utensil drawer...."

Thus the original manuscript of the ill famed poet, Eager Alien Crowe, had begun before its many revisions and its final release in its well known, and classic, commentary form.

While little is truly known about the author's early youth, it has been suggested that a deeply troubling trauma, involving household dining implements, and rarely administered beneficial medications, during an extensive bout of colic suffered during his pre-toddler years, may have contributed to his, later developed, morbid poetry concerning the common dining experience.

Yet, in the light of the latest research, some worthies have pointed to a high probability that this may indeed be the first known indication of Utensil Deprivation Syndrome as yet found in the literature. This provisional report awaits further substantiation from the famed Exo-biologist, Joules Bermius, in order to properly affix dates from known sightings of meteor impacts from that era.

Musicologist and Anthropologist Professor D.Q. Bock, whom is recently arrived from the Colonies, has raised a level of concern pointing to the reduction in the number, and/or scarcity of announced public appearances, of many indigenous, mountain dwelling, ethnic Jug Bands. These regional artisans are known for their improvisational employment of teaspoons as a major ingredient of their "music." Further inquiry may be warranted.

The engineering department reports that they have successfully cobbled together a nano-technology which may prove to be useful for the tracking of the routes of "traveling" teaspoons. Software is currently under development to integrate these beacons using the INTERNET in order to generate a clearer picture of migration patterns. The first field test will be applied to teaspoons securely fastened to captive under drawers scheduled to be covertly released into the third world undergarment resellers network.

Specific dates are being withheld on a "need to know basis" to prevent the bungling of this project by well meaning amateur Superheros, profiteering by oil speculators, and untimely delays that may be introduced by the Spanish Inquisition.

[Muslimwoman]

Hey some guy in blue lycra just came wooshing through my window and rifled through my drawers .... he didn't find any missing spoons but it gave the neighbours something to talk about.

[Dream]

Originally Posted by Muslimwoman

Hey some guy in blue lycra just came wooshing through my window and rifled through my drawers .... he didn't find any missing spoons but it gave the neighbours something to talk about.

Excuse me but I thought we were trying to be serious here, or at least that's what the opening post says. Please stop kiddin' around.

[Snoopy]

Maybe the teaspoons go where my 's.' has gone?

[Muslimwoman]

You mean you are now Noopy?

Oops Dream just told me off .... sorry, I'll take it more seriously in future.

[Snoopy]

Now behave.

[Muslimwoman]

well I was trying to make a joke of it so if Big Brother is watching us they'll think DrumR's leaked classified document is part of the joke

[Nick the Pilot]

"Please stop kiddin' around."

--> This thread was never serious to begin with.

[greymare]

MW...... I went to a local "tag sale" (garage sale) and I believe I have found the culprit......... there was two barns full of old and interesting furniture and stuff, and Lo and behold......... ontop of a shabby chic dresser was about 200 teaspoons..... all wrapped up in a pretty little box...... all different shapes of handles, (not the collector ones...) but clearly from squillions of peoples kitchens...........I was going to buy them and send them to you, but she was asking a fortune for them. (perhaps it was really a ransom...) LOL. But at least I thought of you... lol
Love the Grey

[Dream]

Maryland is a mythical place and I would not doubt that its got a door direct to Egypt. A person has to find the door and have the key, but a spoon could slide beneath the door without it opening. I think you should stop worrying about your spoons and start worrying about roaches, because when Winter comes they will probably come scurrying under the door to get out of the cold.

[Vajradhara]

Originally Posted by Dream

I think you should stop worrying about your spoons and start worrying about roaches, because when Winter comes they will probably come scurrying under the door to get out of the cold.

oh.. no... that's the Brown Marmorated Stink Bug that have been invading!!!! they are kind of stupid bugs in that you can just pick them up and throw them out or squish them (though you get the aforementioned stinking) or otherwise approach them. they are terribly slow, though that may have to do with the cold weather as they seem to be a bit more spry now that things have warmed up.

in any case, here ya go:
HGIC - Invasive Species: Brown Marmorated Stink Bug

Stink bugs ruining crops across state; community gardens in Silver Spring and Germantown hard hit


http://www.hgic.umd.edu/content/images/bmsb_l_001.jpg

[Dream]

Originally Posted by Vajradhara

oh.. no... that's the Brown Marmorated Stink Bug that have been invading!!!! they are kind of stupid bugs in that you can just pick them up and throw them out or squish them (though you get the aforementioned stinking) or otherwise approach them. they are terribly slow, though that may have to do with the cold weather as they seem to be a bit more spry now that things have warmed up.

I stand corrected. They are all just roaches to me, but now that you mention it they are very stinky aren't they? Following your links, I see that the Brown Marmorated Stink bug did not originate in Maryland but somewhere in the continent of Asia. That is fantastic, as it suggests there may be a second magic door in Maryland, which would not surprise me.

It should not surprise you either if you are already surprised before the surprise happens. What I am saying is that it may be best to remain in a surprised state to avoid being surprised. This whole issue of Muslimwoman being surprised by the loss of her teaspoons could have been avoided had she been prepared, not that I am criticizing. I am positively suggesting what she should have done in the most constructive way possible.

[fitd]

Originally Posted by Muslimwoman

No seriously, where do they go?

You buy a cutlery set with 6 teaspoons and within 2 years you have only 4 remaining.

How do you lose a teaspoon?

Do you accidently throw them in the rubbish?

Does your friend steal one when they realise they now only have 4 teaspoons?

Are they biodegradable and simple melt away?

Is there a teaspoon gremlin, like the sock gremlin in the washing machine?

Is there a jihadi teaspoon heaven where they get 72 virgin spoons if they die in battle with the forks?

Where do the teaspoons go?

LOL! I used to be perplexed about this situation as well until I discovered several in the bottom of my dishwasher! Seriously, look down there; you might be surprised!

[wil]

Originally Posted by ftd

LOL! I used to be perplexed about this situation as well until I discovered several in the bottom of my dishwasher! Seriously, look down there; you might be surprised!

Finding teaspoons in my dishwasher's bottom will not likely encourage me to use them.


(did I say that out loud?)

[Vajradhara]

Originally Posted by Dream

I stand corrected. They are all just roaches to me, but now that you mention it they are very stinky aren't they? Following your links, I see that the Brown Marmorated Stink bug did not originate in Maryland but somewhere in the continent of Asia. That is fantastic, as it suggests there may be a second magic door in Maryland, which would not surprise me.

quite true. apparently some Chinese fellow thought it terribly unsporting for the United States not to enjoy the fecund stinkyness of those bugs. along with that horrid walking fish thing A Creepy Catch of The Day (washingtonpost.com) having found it in a pond in the county the solution was to kill every living thing in the pond to get rid of them by poison.

It should not surprise you either if you are already surprised before the surprise happens. What I am saying is that it may be best to remain in a surprised state to avoid being surprised. This whole issue of Muslimwoman being surprised by the loss of her teaspoons could have been avoided had she been prepared, not that I am criticizing. I am positively suggesting what she should have done in the most constructive way possible.

i agree with the terribly clear wisdom of this approach! i'm surprised that you wrote this however, as i was already surprised in anticipation of being surprised, i am not surprised that you wrote this.