Women's Work

[path_of_one]

Originally Posted by China Cat Sunflower

Hi Kim!

I've spent some time wondering why it's so hard to have an unemotional conversation about sex roles. Why are we so easily diverted into the men versus women trap? What is the unspoken taboo against admitting how each of us use the game to ostensibly game the game? Why do we defend social mores that don't actually benefit us?

Chris

Hi, Chris!

LOL If I could answer those questions intelligbly, I'd have a best-seller on my hands. LOL Retirement-ho.

I don't really get it, to be honest. I never got very emotional about sex roles. Maybe it's because I was raised quite androgynously. I generally feel just as comfortable with men as women, and I understand men about as well as I understand women. Which is to say, not much. LOL Just kidding. Sort of.

But honestly, I don't think "men vs. women"- I just think we're all stuck in a lousy system that limits us all. I don't really understand how people can be us vs. them and yet married to "them." Seems odd to me. I can't really figure out why and how other people get there. Perhaps it's our relatively long history of marriage as a social institution rather than the recognition of an existing partnership? And it is only recently in our culture that men and women interacted as intimately as they do. Go back one hundred or two hundred years, and you called your fiance "Mr. So and So"- things were so formal between the sexes that it seems you'd hardly know your own spouse, so perhaps women felt more affinity for women and men for men, but in the interest of procreation...

And I don't get it about using the game to ensure its continuity, either. I do know that a lot of women don't like me, to be honest, because I just won't do that. I call it as I see it. And I see a lot of both sides whining about this or that social norm but playing it for all its worth. Maybe it's just whatever advances one's own self-interest at the moment. Humans seem remarkably good at holding disagreeing viewpoints simultaneously and switching back and forth to get what they want. So it's reasonable that they do this with gender roles too.

You know...
I'm equal to men and just as capable of anything!!! I am woman, hear me roar!

Um... honey could you bring in those bags of groceries? They are really heavy.

LOL Men do it too. It's illogical but it gets us what we want at the moment.

Now the question of defending social mores that don't benefit us... oh, that is a very, very good question.

In this case, some people would say the roles *do* benefit us and those of us breaking out of the molds are ruining it for society.

But in general, it seems that most people do not enjoy change. They cling to what is familiar, even if it is detrimental. People cling to their spouses even when they are abused. People cling to their ideas even when they are betrayed by them into unwise decisions. The unknown is scarier than the pain we already know, so we trudge on in our ruts.

That's my two cents, anyway. There are whole books on the topic, I'm sure. That's just my observation and experience. Usually, when I've held on to something that doesn't work, it's because I'm scared of the unknown alternative.

[path_of_one]

Originally Posted by China Cat Sunflower

How can self-decoration function in a way so that it is purely about self expression and not about signifying status? Even the size of the bone in one's nose signifies some achieved strata of tribally recognized status.

Chris

Status is defined by those around us. I can't climb in their heads and think for them (and if I could, it probably wouldn't be nice LOL). However, I can define my own choices by art and not by status.

For me, this means choosing things that I love and reflect my mood, philosophies, and so forth rather than choosing things because of what I think they will mean to others. I avoid name brands and I shop at thrift stores, street markets, and so forth because that is the cheapest and most sustainable way to get clothes without contributing to the humand and environmental rights issues of the garment industry and because the only purpose of name branding is to show status.

In terms of showing what others perceive to be identity- categorizing me- I can't help that. If others want to make assumptions, that is not my responsibility. I can only be responsible for my own choices, which is to it all as art. I have found that one way to defy classification, at least among those who see me on a semi-regular basis, is to honor my mood for the day, which changes a lot. So just when they think I might be X, they see me as Y. Eventually, a lot of people ask me about my appearance choices and I explain... I'm not just one thing. Don't pigeonhole me by my appearance. Clothes, makeup, hair, jewelry, whatever- it is just the window-dressing. So is my body.