Is It OK to Own a Canadian?

wil

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Is It OK to Own a Canadian?

In her radio show, Dr Laura Schlesinger said that, as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22, and cannot be condoned under any circumstance. The following response is an open letter to Dr. Laura, written by a US man, and posted on the Internet.

Dear Dr. Laura:

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly state it to be an abomination ... End of debate.

I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other elements of God's Laws and how to follow them.

1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15: 19-24. The problem is how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?

6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination, Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this? Are there 'degrees' of abomination?

7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle-room here?

8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?

9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev.19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the
trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair, like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy considerable expertise in such matters, so I'm confident you can help.

Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.


Your adoring fan.

PS (It would be a damn shame if we couldn't own a Canadian)
 

Nick the Pilot

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Wil,

Isn't there a place in the Bible that says it is okay for me to take the babies of my enemies as dash the babies' heads against rocks?
 

wil

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Wil,

Isn't there a place in the Bible that says it is okay for me to take the babies of my enemies as dash the babies' heads against rocks?
I don't think there is hardly anything you can't find or interpolate from the good book.

However the actual meaning, or metaphysical meaning or historical context...that is a different story.
 

Muslimwoman

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Great find Wil, so funny and also food for thought.
 

wil

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this is years old - fortunately, i haven't heard of "dr" laura schlesinger for some time, but she is as ignorant of halakhah as she is bigoted.

b'shalom

bananabrain
bb, I heard recently that the decree against men laying with men and women laying with women was given to a tribe/people that were not having enough children to sustain themselves, so like the institution of the sacred cow (to keep all the beef from being slaughtered for food and not having any for milk or plowing fields), that this law was given to increase procreation for THAT group at THAT time. Do you have any knowledge or substantiation of this?
 

bananabrain

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wil,

no. that is because the Torah was Revealed at sinai by G!D to the jewish people, not to this tribe you mention (at least as far as i'm concerned). in any case, there is no Torah prohibition against lesbianism (although it is denounced by one talmudic opinion as "egyptian practices") and the prohibition against homosexual anal sex (as opposed to homosexuality per se) is couched in terms that appear to me to prohibit not a loving monogamous relationship but the anal rape of prisoners as a means of deliberate degradation and domination as widely practiced in, for example, african tribal societies, prisons in iraq under saddam and on an ongoing basis in egypt and iran.

b'shalom

bananabrain
 

Thomas

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My daughter's got a Canadian!

I thought she'd fallen in love, but maybe she just picked him up at the slave market.

He seems very nice, tho'. Housetrained and everything. A bit too familiar, for a slave, for my liking, but I suppose when you're a Brit, everyone seems a bit too familiar!

Thomas
 

wil

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Haven't you heard?? The queen works for US now...
1085 driving back from Alaska the person driving my van lost control and rolled it...it was damaged all the way around...totalled. But the engine the guy at the junkyard wanted to buy the engine....couldn't do it. As an US citizen I couldn't sell it to my American neighbor...I had to donate it to the Queen. On the form I wrote that I hope she enjoyed it. The RCMP weren't very amused.
 

Marsh

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Not in the Kingdom... yet.
1085 driving back from Alaska the person driving my van lost control and rolled it...it was damaged all the way around...totalled. But the engine the guy at the junkyard wanted to buy the engine....couldn't do it. As an US citizen I couldn't sell it to my American neighbor...I had to donate it to the Queen. On the form I wrote that I hope she enjoyed it. The RCMP weren't very amused.

Mmmmmmmmyes... But do you have any idea what the Queen has been doing with all of the engines that she and the other monarchs have accumulated since 1085? All of those combustion engines, steam engines, siege engines-- we're storing them up for something big. BIG! You just wait and see....
 
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