My Mandarin is even worse than my Spanish, but I think we may view it the same. One day I realized that the me I thought was me was just a construct in the same way I can construct a fictional character when writing. It then occurred to me that if there isn't really a me then there is only this constant relativity going on. Therefore, the ideas in my head about, well everything, could be suspect. So I think now, there is something happening all around, but my ideas about it and what it really is are two different things. There is a gap between my understanding and what is really there.