Lincolnspector I read your story. I can see how after associating with Pagans and living in Berkeley, you would feel very comfortable in your Agnosticism. I have respect and appreciation for Agnostics. Thank you for your contribution. I don't want it to seem like I'm trying to draw attention to myself but I just finished my next "chapter" and it took a while to put together. ------------------------ It should be noted that at this time I had recently reread a book I thought profoundly interesting, "The God Hypothesis: Extra Terrestrial Life and Its Implications on Science and Religion," by Dr. Joe Lewels. The book went deep into the discussion of the ET influence on human history. But there was a single chapter, chapter 4, that stood apart. This chapter delved into the mysteries of the nature of our reality, and introduced me to the holographic model; exploring the possibilities starting with the precept that our universe--our reality--is a holographic illusion which comes to life only while observed. The work of several experts in their fields of study were triangulated and brought together, presenting an intriguing case--backed by scientific proof in the fields of biology and quantum physics--that our reality is holographic in nature. I found this to be incredibly interesting. I was already introduced to the concept of such a reality by having seen the movies I mentioned before (The Thirteenth Floor and The Matrix). So a couple nights or so after that powerful dream and asking the people in the forum to give their opinion on it, I was sitting in my high-back, black leather office chair, facing the computer... but thinking. My first thought was on our reality being virtual. My next thought was, assuming this is true, there must be a programmer who wrote the code... the reality program. Then in my mind's eye I pictured a figure in a small, very dimly lit room (almost dark). On all 4 walls of the room were banks of what looked like controls, and differnt colored crystalline knobs that emitted different colored lights. In the middle of the room was a square apparatus of some kind, standing on a pedestal. This square instrument was like a computer monitor. But instead of looking at the monitor like we do, this one was made like a table with a flat, transparent top, and you would look down into it at the image. It might have even been liquid, I couldn't tell. So, looking down into it, was the holographic image of our universe. My mind quickly demonstrated to me how it works. You could zoom out to see the entire universe, or zoom all the way in to the smallest point imaginable. Obviously this was the main apparatus to provide the programmer with information and allow interaction. The figure was sitting in a chair and wheeling back and forth from one bank of controls to another. My mind's eye then showed me some kind of interaction between the programmer and his son. The programmer was ready to wipe the slate clean on humanity, but his son intervened on our behalf. The son agreed to be transported into our realm, to demonstrate that a perfect life really could be achieved, and to die for us by our hand. The programmer agreed that if this was achieved, man would be given a path to heaven. My mind introduced this to me as a possibility; a way in which the bible really could be true, but in a purely "scientific" way, which was palatable to me. I fell back in my chair and closed my eyes. My mind flashed. Like sparks or fireworks. Then I started falling. Faster and faster, my mind gave me the sensation of falling, and being transported through winding tunnels. I didn't physically feel the sensation of falling but my mind somehow painted the idea into my imagination. Have you ever had an epiphany? If you have, then you know the powerful feeling that hits you as soon as you have it. An epiphany is where you suddently realize or discover a powerful truth that never occured to you before. When it happens, a normal reaction would be to have your "mind blown," as some might say. An adrenaline rush would normally accompany such an event. Well in my case, with the sensation of my mind falling and traveling quickly (similar to an astral projection?) I was also experiencing the senstion of having multiple, powerful epiphanies, one after another. It was incredible and hardly describable (I did my best). The experience lasted probably about 10 seconds. When it stopped, I slowly opened my eyes. Whether anyone else believes this is irrelevant to me, but, I opened my eyes as a full-fledged believer. A Christian. I was rattled by the whole thing and at first just whisked it away to the back of my mind. I scrambled to do something that was normal and routine. I went for my computer and got on the web forum. I just wanted to do something and get back to my routine and sort of forget what just happened. I got to the web forum and a private message was waiting for me. I went to open it up. It was a message from the Christian fellow in the forum named "Beeltegunz." All he said in the message was, that the dream I had described of being in the classroom and then the short blonde putting me on my back, etc. was, in his opinion and he had prayed on the meaning for it, the act of God "annointing" me. He said he didn't really want to tell me this because he knew I wouldn't believe it. But he was convinced; God had annointed me (the short blonde was apparently an angel) and I would soon be part of the family. Man, o Man. That one hit hard, after what I had just experienced. I was pretty jaw-dropped, awe-stricken by the whole thing. BUT... at the same time, I thought this whole thing would pass. I would return back to my normal self and be the Agnostic I always was. I was sure that this would go away eventually. I don't remember what I did next, but that's it for that episode. The next couple of days, I went about my normal routine.. work.. home... dinner.. sleep. But all the time I was concentrating in the back of my mind. I was waiting for this "believer" part of me to melt away. I was sure it would. But it didn't. It wouldn't go away. And so after a few days, knowing this wasn't going away, I asked my wife for a talk. I sat her down and told her, "You're not going to believe this. Heck, I don't even believe it. But for whatever reason... I am a believer now. I believe in God. I believe Jesus is our Lord. I'm a Christian now." She was shocked. Her instant reaction was to smile, kind of smugly, and say, "Yeah. Ok." In other words, she believed it was a phase. A fad. It would go away. And so life went on for the next several weeks. I was a believer, but, my wife and I both were 100% certain that this wasn't for real. Eventually, it would come to pass and my old self would come back. What happened over the next weeks and months would convince us otherwise. In an undeniable way. More to come.