Toxic friends

Discussion in 'Science and the Universe' started by wil, Aug 6, 2018.

  1. wil

    wil UNeyeR1

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    So do we avoid them or try to assist?

     
  2. wil

    wil UNeyeR1

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    Mirror neurons.... I don't know if everyone succumbs....nature nurture? Not all family members toe the line...
     
  3. Nick the Pilot

    Nick the Pilot Well-Known Member

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    Hi Wil,

    I have a Master's Degree in Counseling and my area of specialty is the toxic personality.

    Do you have any particular techniques for dealing with people who have toxic personalities?
     
  4. wil

    wil UNeyeR1

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    I was referring mostly to the video...

    My chief methodology has always been avoidance. If it has to do with alcohol, avoid while drinking. That and agree..."it is ok if you think that way" (avoiding confrontation).

    But more and more I see a need to encounter, to stick around, to make attempts to turn around. Mostly by staying positive, mostly by countering complaints and perceived problems by asking if we can entertain solutions instead of issues. The concept of what we do with plants in our garden remains strong with me, we provide nutrients and water and weed out the issues, so the plant can grow...I'd like to do that with society and not just avoid.

    Like the black guy that befriends and turns around KKK members...but I surely don't have those skills.
     
  5. Nick the Pilot

    Nick the Pilot Well-Known Member

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    Wil,

    It sounds like you have some good skills to use with toxic people.
     
  6. wil

    wil UNeyeR1

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    Mostly time and mistakes. It is strange, when someone has a physical ailment...that I can see...amputation, scars, wheel chair, cane, limp, I can easily give them accommodation. But when folks have mental issues, be they on the spectrum, racist, negative whatever...be it nature or nurture... I have issues giving them the room, accommodating for the disability that they are working with.
     
  7. Nick the Pilot

    Nick the Pilot Well-Known Member

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    Then you can learn assertiveness techniques to use in such situations. You don't just have to sit there and listen to their negativity.
     
  8. wil

    wil UNeyeR1

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    Any videos? I typically add other options...or ask if they know that when one gets heated, distressed, angry their glands create chemicals that are not only detrimental to their health but quasi addictive and will make them put themselves in a situation to be mad again....just for the chemical...
     
  9. wil

    wil UNeyeR1

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    I'd love other, non confrontational communication techniques.
     
  10. Nick the Pilot

    Nick the Pilot Well-Known Member

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    Let's see... An assertiveness technique that is not confrontational... Have you heard of the technique called Fogging?
     
  11. wil

    wil UNeyeR1

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    I have now, appears similar to..."my mother wears army boots? Why yes, you can say that."

    Thoughts on this, or have you other? And thanx.
     
  12. Nick the Pilot

    Nick the Pilot Well-Known Member

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    Wil,

    Sorry, but I have seen so many videos on the toxic personality and on assertiveness training that I think I will pass on watching these videos. But if you have specific ideas from the videos worth discussing, please feel free to bring them up here.

    Here is another example of Fogging. The idea here is that when someone makes a negative insinuation, ignore the insinuation and answer what is being said upfront. For example:

    "You are not going to talk to that guy are you? He is 'one of them', after all." (Here the unspoken insinuation is that we do not speak to people from the minority group that 'that guy' is from.)

    The technique is to ignore the insinuation and only answer the spoken question. "Yes, I am."
     
    Beautiful and wil like this.
  13. wil

    wil UNeyeR1

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    No worries (on the not watching)

    But if you have something I should watch....

    I am avoiding the White Nationalist gathering and counter protest this weekend.... I have two other events with nontoxic friends I'd rather be at...
     
  14. Nick the Pilot

    Nick the Pilot Well-Known Member

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    wil likes this.
  15. OrtaYol

    OrtaYol Active Member

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    Close family friend of mine would say "if you want a friend out of your life, lend them more money than they can pay back"
     

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