Needing something

Discussion in 'Belief and Spirituality' started by Need2believe, Aug 25, 2019.

  1. Need2believe

    Need2believe New Member

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    Needing something to believe in. I'm not religous, but I've seem to have lost all faith, I force myself through ever day thinking where have all of my dreams gone? they seem to have faded away over the years & not sure what to do.
     
  2. Cino

    Cino Big Love! (Atheist mystic)

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    Welcome to the forums. Hope you find some stimulating discussion here! I don't think anyone will now attempt to "sell" you their views, however. This is not how this forum understands itself. Ask more specific questions, or present your views and invite comments and comparison, to get conversations going.

    That said, I noticed a sadness in your post. Do you have a real-life, flesh-and-blood friend to talk to? Internet conversations simply lack the unspoken comradeship of a real-life meeting. Alternatively, can you get some time with a trained professional? Depression can look like what you describe, and it is a deadly disease if not treated.

    To end on a lighter tone, what's the craziest, most extraordinary spiritual thing you ever heard of?
     
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  3. RJM Corbet

    RJM Corbet God Feeds the Ravens

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    Perhaps periods of loss and restriction are enabling us to pass through the eye of the needle -- the nexus of the hourglass -- so we can discover and expand into new and greater states on the other side of it?

    It's necessary to let go old stuff to be able to accept new stuff. Letting go is hard. Change is usually hard. Most of us resist change, until it's forced on us. Change is the only certainty, they say? There'll be better days for you.

    This world offers nothing permanent anyway.

    There are times when daily life is totally taken up with having to survive. Then we become more comfortable and forget.

    Anyway, my suggestion: open a Bible at the Book of Psalms and read the first one your eye falls on. The Psalms always make me feel better.
     
    Last edited: Aug 25, 2019
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  4. Namaste Jesus

    Namaste Jesus Praise the Lord and Enjoy the Chai

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    Welcome, Need2believe. Can't say I've ever lost faith, but I'm certainly no stranger to worldly frustrations. In the darkest of times, this verse has always given me solace and the courage to persevere.

    1 Corinthians 10:13
    There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.
     
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  5. Nick the Pilot

    Nick the Pilot Well-Known Member

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    N2B,

    I am glad to hear that you are interested in finding out about things beyond the physical world that are important to us. However, I think we must eliminate the possibility that you have a high case of angst. Angst can cause the feeling you are feeling just as much as an interest in religious things.

    I think you need to eliminate the possibility of you having a high level of unhappiness due to angst. Once you have done this, then I think doing some religious exploration would be a good idea.
     
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  6. Need2believe

    Need2believe New Member

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    Sorry didn't see these or get notifications Ty for the reply.

    Unfortunately I do not have a RL friend by me to talk to or anyone I'd feel comfortable to talk to. I have seen a counselor in the past, but that didn't go so well.

    I'm not too sure about a spiritual thing, I'd have to think about that
     
  7. Need2believe

    Need2believe New Member

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    I've not heard of angst, but I do have some anxiety I've been dealing with, it's though & I use to be so strong without a worry, change does happen.
     
  8. Nick the Pilot

    Nick the Pilot Well-Known Member

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    N2B,

    I use the word angst as a catch-all term to mean depression, anxiety, PTSD, compulsive behavior, etc. It is true that religion can help people deal with their anxiety. For some people, religion is the only thing that will help them deal with their anxiety.

    But sometimes a more direct approach is needed. There are other ways that are of a psychological or psychotheraputic nature. You need to start at looking at your anxieties in detail. Also, more than likely you have other forms of angst. You need to start looking at them too.

    You need to start looking at finding whatever coping mechanisms will work for you. If you have loved ones, if you are in a relationship, hopefully you can have these people give you the emotional support you will need to get through this. (Unfortunately, oftentimes the people closest to us are our biggest source of angst. Many times learning to deal with angst means learning to be assertive against people around us who have toxic personalities.) Learning to deal with angst, anxiety, and depression usually means learning how to be assertive about getting our loved ones to give us emotional support.

    Something is causing your anxieties. (Anxieties do not suddenly pop up for no reason.) These causes may be very deep and buried. You need to start covering any layers of ‘psychological protection’ that are covering up these causes (if any).

    I need to warn you that many counselors and especially many therapists have no iea how to deal with anxiety, compulsive behavior, etc. If you decide to look for a counselor or therapist, it might be some time before you find the right one.

    I would add that I have seen ‘religious’ people engage in toxic behavior in the name of religion. When so-called 'religious people' engage in toxic behavior, they are making things worse not better. If a religious person refuses to consider that what they are saying is toxic, they should be avoided at all costs. (In my opinion, some religious teachings are by their nature very toxic.)

    If you choose to do deal directly with your angst, you may be embarking on a lifelong journey that will bring you surprises (good and bad). More than likely, you will discover things about yourself that you didn't know, things that will surprise you, maybe even shock you. Good luck. Keep us posted as to how it is going.
     
    Last edited: Sep 1, 2019
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  9. RJM Corbet

    RJM Corbet God Feeds the Ravens

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    Perhaps nothing is ever lost, really? It just feels that way sometimes. Whatever we need to let go to pass through the nexus will be there waiting for us on the other side, for us to pick up again. To start the same cycle again? Perhaps we will not want it any more. It will just be weight. We will have new values?
     
    Last edited: Sep 1, 2019
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  10. Nick the Pilot

    Nick the Pilot Well-Known Member

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    I believe in reincarnation, so of course, nothing is lost. We are in a constant state of building up our ideas, tendencies, talents, and habits. These will definitely be carried over to our next reincarnation.
     
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  11. RJM Corbet

    RJM Corbet God Feeds the Ravens

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    Perhaps. But there are cycles of fullness and emptiness in this life too?
    I understand this feeling perfectly.
     
    Last edited: Sep 2, 2019
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  12. Need2believe

    Need2believe New Member

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    Ty for the reply, it has given me a lot to think about, maybe it's my environment in which I live

    I am married but my spouse does not believe in anxiety so we don't talk about it or much of anything.

    Guess I need to start accessing my life
     
  13. Nick the Pilot

    Nick the Pilot Well-Known Member

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    One of a spouse’s biggest responsibilities is to be emotionally supportive when the partner is going through distress. It sounds like your spouse is not doing this.

    You need to start being assertive about getting your emotional needs met. You need to start being assertive about having your spouse help you with your emotional needs. But the other side of the coin is that you may have excessive emotional needs, which is turning your spouse off. There definitely needs to be some assessing done here.

    It would also help if the both of you had something in common to talk about, something in common the two of you can have fun together doing, something the two of you can share a laugh over, etc. (One of the biggest problems in many relationships is that the two people have nothing in common to talk about.)
     
    Last edited: Sep 2, 2019
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  14. RJM Corbet

    RJM Corbet God Feeds the Ravens

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    I don't know. In my own life I think that if I act from my own highest level, God will take over from there. God does the details. The problem sometimes is the question. Perhaps it's difficult to refine everything down to just one question -- the answer must be either yes or no. The one-pointed will is a powerful force?

    It may take a bit longer than expected, though. Imo
     
    Last edited: Sep 2, 2019
  15. StevePame

    StevePame Administrator Staff Member

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    I appreciate the insight, and I’d also like to caution that our responses on here, especially when it comes to a personal relationship, must have a certain distance.

    If some of us are trained counselors and can provide a more nuanced talking through of such things, I fully welcome it. I’m not one, and I always am cautious when there’s an assertion of a single action that someone else must take.

    I believe that we all speak on this forum with the other person’s best interests in mind and N2B, we hope you get some thoughts and possibilities from our suggestions that you’re comfortable deciding upon in your own time.
     
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  16. Need2believe

    Need2believe New Member

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    I understand & appreciate all the insight & help, I will weigh everything out first then see where it leads me.
     
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  17. Thomas

    Thomas Well-Known Member

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    Hi N2B —

    I listened to an interesting interview on the radio the other day. It was with a professional footballer — proper football, that is, soccer :D.

    She's reached the top of her game in the UK, and because there was no further path, emigrated to the US where there's more support for the female game. There she hit the wall. She got a place on a team, but failed to score, and then her game went into decline. Try as she might, she could not get on top of the situation, and as the season went on, things only got worse.

    Eventually she had a long talk with her coach. "Why ever did you get into soccer in the first place?" was the question. She talked about her initial inspiration, the sheer joy of just kicking a ball around. "That's where you need to get back to," the coach told her. "Try and reconnect to what it was that you enjoyed so much about just playing football. Forget about scoring, the team, the league, the championship. Just play football because you love it."

    Simple answer to a complex question, but she tried it, succeeded, and turned her game around. She ended the season being the highest goal-scorer in the league. She'd found her mojo.

    +++

    I'm not a psychologist, or rather worse, I'm an opinionated amateur. It seems to me that tackling the problem 'head on' can sometimes do little but exacerbate the problem. Sometimes we unintentionally feed the problem, amplify the causes.

    When I practiced martial arts, I used to go up for dan gradings. I have photos of me waiting my turn, I look dreadful! My dan examinations were worse than school exams, worse than my driving test. And why? It was not a career-deciding moment. Nothing depended on it, so why all the stress? because it mattered to me. I wanted it. So I fouled it up and didn't make the grade. Same solution. Why did I do MA? because I enjoyed it. Well get out there and show them you enjoy it. I did. I passed.

    +++

    So my question: You say 'I'm not religious', so I might hazard a guess and say religion is not the answer. "but I've seem to have lost all faith," — faith in what? "I force myself through ever day thinking where have all of my dreams gone? they seem to have faded away over the years & not sure what to do"

    Step One: Recall your dreams. Name them. Think about them.
    Step Two: Be reasonable. Was one of them to walk on the moon? dare I suggest a tad unrealistic?

    I'm 65. My answer to most 'why don't you' questions is to reply, "What, with these knees?" :D

    I don't think our dreams ever 'go', I think they get buried under all the day-to-day crap. They're still there ... we just have to dig them out, dust them off.

    Salesmen tell us it's ten times easier to sell more to an existing client than find a new one. I reckon our dreams are ten times more viable than finding something new to believe in. They might need a bit of TLC and a bump-start.

    There ... that's my 50p's worth from the psychologist's chair.
     
  18. RJM Corbet

    RJM Corbet God Feeds the Ravens

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    Times of difficulty and loss are times of the greatest learning, strangely perhaps the most vital and grounded and most important times. We are all alone, really.
     
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  19. muhammad_isa

    muhammad_isa Active Member

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    Do you live in a lighthouse? ;)
     
  20. Namaste Jesus

    Namaste Jesus Praise the Lord and Enjoy the Chai

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    I'm never alone. God is always there... as are all the memories of those I've held dear who have since departed this mortal coil.
     
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