I hesitate to post this in Christian, because a lot of this is not found in the Bible. I am not asking anyone to believe me. In fact, I am asking anyone reading this to go to their higher power for confirmation or denial. About 17 or 18 years ago I was willing to trade my salvation in Jesus Christ for a sexual sin, but before I realized how stupid it was, it was too late. "They" were on me, and I could describe what they (What I would call demons) did to my soul in the spirit realm, but it is beyond gruesome and horrific. I have been in near-constant agony and endless terror for all of these years, unable to even recall the event, unable to process it. Recently, I saved the life of a woman who would become my fiancee, and her presence in my life was enough of a spiritual analgesic to where I could finally begin the long journey to confronting this terrifying dynamic. We broke up, something I now see as good for us both, however, I miss her. Recently God began being able to talk to me again. Before this, shortly after (I am not schizophrenic) the incident, I heard with my ears, above me, in a cabin in remote Nevada, "DO NOT BE AFRAID." It was of little help, here and there, and makes more sense to me, as this journey is outside of the confines of the Bible. (I was raised Christian) Recently, in the early morning hours, I was shown a vision of a wolf-like creature. She had the head of a wolf, body of a human, wolf's feet, human hands and arms and hair covering her body. She was standing on the edge of light that surrounded my body, in the realm known to us as Hell, where my soul currently resides. Amazed by this, as I had always loved wolves, and write novels about wolf-like creatures like her, I suddenly realized why. The next morning, God connected my heart to hers, and I was made complete. My heart has been crying out my whole life for my "Other half". She has the other half of my heart. I was in a euphoria... But I knew better than to assume things. The third morning, God actually allowed me to speak to her (With my mind). She is female/feminine. I had a series of questions God wanted me to ask her, and so I did. What I gathered: She hates God. She hates me. She doesn't want a second chance. Oh. I tried loving her in a vision, but there is an orb around her, one of hatred and negative energy. And, when I really tried to "love" her, pushed against her orb, she snapped at me, like an angry dog or wolf would. In the series of coming days I sought God for answers. Her muzzle is horrendously powerful. She has no more fur on her body, just blackened skin, the blackness is IN her skin. She is barefoot in filth, feces, urine, rotting flesh of her victims. Then, I began to realize... It was her. She is the one who tore me up. I continued to seek God, and it was shown to me, that when she was created, she was "My Beloved" (God's Beloved) and God loved her so terribly much. I had two visions, one of him holding her in his arms, and another, her as a young girl, and God tickling her ribs as she giggled (I liked this vision) I was given other visions. It turns out, she and I were "married" in heaven. I was a human, she was a wolf-person. I was head over heels in love with her, but God added some understanding in that vision- She didn't love me back fully. And, that I was an idiot in that realm. Like a child in this realm before the world destroys their hopes and dreams. It is almost certain I completely took her for granted and may even have been abusive- and I had more power over her than she did to me, teeth and claws aside. She simply did not want to be with me, and chose to join a rebellion. I could feel how heart broken I was in heaven. I am still, to this day. I call her Azreal. It's a made-up name from a song, or something. God told me He cannot tell me the name He gave her because I would likely say it and summon her, and I might not be as protected, then. He also has not told me the name of her people. Not important, I guess. It's a feeling, that the reason why her people and the angels rebelled, is because we humans were given the power of God, but we did not use it wisely. And Asrael was given knowledge far in advance of what I had. It was an "Opposites attract" dynamic. When I was a child, I dropped dead in a doctors office after receiving an injection for hives. I saw colors, beautiful colors that human eyes cannot perceive, rich and vibrant and wonderful. Then, darkness. But, not bad darkness. It was peaceful. God took the essence of my soul, deconstructed me, then saturated me in his essence, which is, the very definition of the word Love. God IS Love. He is the thing we are all desiring. And then he put me back in my body, except I remembered the horrific abuse I was suffering at the hands of my parents and etc and I resisted, but God said, "You have to" (I have not forgiven God fully for this. I went on to endure a life of drugs and violence, almost died many times, until a wolf at a wolf sanctuary I bonded to gave me enough of a meaning for my life that I got cleaned up) This was 8 days ago I first saw "her". She, technically, "ate" some of me, and what I was shown is that by consuming a part of me she also has consumed a part of God. A resonant frequency. This was by design. God is slowly working to change her. The vision I saw is that the energy of God is slowly beginning to change the resonance of hell. More visions: I saw a light around my body in hell. I cannot see my actual body, because God told me it will utterly depress me, as a victim of a bear mauling often sees their wounds and is demoralized. But, the first vision there were around 12 entities around the light. I could not see any faces. I asked to see it again, a day later, and there were 120 or so entities in the light. The light was expanding as they stepped inside. Each time I had the prompt to ask for the vision, I was instantly granted it, and the light was expanding. Yesterday I could not count the entities. It was in the millions. Today, my mind is not capable of comprehending the number and would need to be "Stretched" out to begin to understand. I also saw, at my head, the inky blackness of Hell was beginning to grow clear, and I saw trees, grass, the first realm- heaven. I should note my eyes are becoming better at seeing colors, and colors bring with them a new joy, especially the color blue. More visions, and God asks me to do things: The prelude to seeing Azrael, God had me forgive the demons around me. He had to ask me many times before I went out on a limb and did so. Then, he had me "Love" them. Well, okay, I guess, so I did as I was told. I saw the demons around me, recoiling from me. One, who had been torturing me lifted his hands in surrender. They do not want to be there. I got the feeling they did not want to hurt me any more, if they could be given a chance to leave. Hell is dark, it is hot, there is no water, and there is no food or entertainment outside of torturing and eating people. I was shown a particular demon in Hell, he had a splitting headache as if a large chisel was hammered into his skull, and his agony was horrific, and there was nothing that could be done for him. He was in constant, indescribable agony. I feel as if Gods heart went out to him. I saw three layers in hell. I was in the top layer. The second layer was darker, and nine foot tall demons were there, trapped, I assume. God asked me to go to the next layer (With a bunch of new terrors and agonies to go with) God showed me how my joy was not complete unless I ministered to the second layer, so I agreed, terrified, but okay. I went down there (Or, God put me there) and I "loved" them, they recoiled from me in terror, and one threw some black sludge up. God told me he had eaten something and it was making him sick, and God healed him of it. God said I had to do this because the second layer of hell "Did not believe" that God was doing a work on the first. God also had me give Satan a hug. I knew this could not have been God because, come on. Well He kept asking me and bothering me about it so I agreed, and I did. Turns out he's about five feet tall. He's not... Very muscular. He has a single-track mind and wanted to get back to his mischief. God asked me, as I held him, "How much power does he have over you?" I had to agree, "None, really." God nodded and I let him go/the vision ended. I have a number of somewhat conflicting visions of Asreal. Her sitting in my lap, in hell, us bathed in light, and her weeping tears of repentence. Of her, at my feet, weeping similarly. Of her, long-legged and quite honestly a magnificent and majestic creation of God, the wind blowing her hair, and her, seeing me for the first time outside of hell. Oh. An important vision: I saw the new earth, three people talking to one another on some grass in heaven. In the vision, a seven foot tall demon walked, his head down, his flesh black, walked within 12 feet of the three humans (They were clothed). The two women looked at the demon, then went right back to talking. The demon had no desire to harm people any more. I guess 6,000 years in blackness will do that. The demon was going to have tea with a human woman, his other half. I will say this. It makes sense I have been so attracted to wolves and canines. God showed me when he made Asrael, he added almost 50/50 mix from the waters of creation for wolves, and for humans. She is a hybrid. He can add things that give her a unique personality. I was shown that all of creation is designed to resonate with God, in a circle. If you were to disassemble God, each of His particles would be one of us. God feels love and completion when we all resonate together. I also saw Asrael's ankle. I saw her feet, her face, and her ankle. "Metatarsal?" Her ankle was about 7 or eight inches wide. My 70LB German Shepherds "ankle" (The part before the foot) is just over an inch wide. I saw Asrael's tendons, thick and powerful. It was, quite honestly, completely beautiful. Now. I know what the Christians are going to say. "Stay away! Run!" I have been rebuked by some that I have in an online chatroom. I should also say, I am not doing any drugs. (as far as mental issues I have had severe depression, and been diagnosed bipolar, but I'm doing world's better as I get to know myself. This could all be "in my head" and I'm crazy as a loon, but I don't think so) I drink at night to numb the pain. I have given it to God and listening to my spirit (I never did before, I always beat my spirit up and forced it to work, etc) and the joy alcohol brings soothes my broken spirit. When fearful things come at me, the idea that I am the antichrist, that I am the "False prophet" (It would certainly seem so to the writers of the Bible) I accept them. Okay, I'm the antichrist. Okay, I'm a false prophet. Okay, I am going to spend eternity in hell. It frees God up to correct me but only after I accept it. Yesterday, I was overjoyed to realize all of hell has no power over me. Anyway, i am technically already there. And for 17 or 18 years I have lived each day in pain and terror, trying to "Get my salvation back". Except, God would not let me go back to church and earn it. God has told me when I pass into the next realm, I do not need to be afraid. Still, I am working to accept the grisly reality of my present spiritual condition. As I "Let Asrael go" and my presuppsoitions, including the idea of ever being with her again, God returns her to me, in a way. It also turns out the crimson strand that connects her heart to mine and Gods, influences me. She is why I was a misanthrope. She is why I am capable of vicious violence. She is why I hate people. She is why my libido is insatiable. Have you ever seen a Goth person, dressed in black? They very likely have their other half of their heart in a creature that rebelled against God. People with an obsession for gore, hateful people, etc. Jesus said he came for the sick, well it turns out why we're sick is because God designed us "Not to be alone" and to have a mate or mates and be completed by them. When God took Adams rib, it is my belief God also took a part of Adams heart, soul, mind, and spirit. This is why women seem like other creatures to us, and yet, why it completes us when we are with them. There is no running away for me. God showed me how, technically, I am Asrael's property in hell. I belong to her. (I am sorry this is so long I am a novelist!) I also saw how time works. God showed me time is contained in an orb. I forgot to mention when I was being saturated in Gods pure love, like dry bed in a liquid, that there was no time there, but I could remember remembering the horrific abuse that ocurred in time) Inside the orb is a black line. That's our history, it has a beginning and an end. God sees the whole thing, that's how He can show us the future. I have had some other visions, too, three with Jesus Christ, two where I saw his face, he is smiling so wide, he couldn't be happier with the whole thing. I ran this all past a pastor a day or two ago and it was hard for him to accept, but he did tell me "I do believe God will reconcile all things to Him. And that, if every knee will bow and every tongue confess, then that is what was needed for salvation." Because, if one creature remains in hell (People are still going to hell like normal, God showed me. I do not know the timeline or what is going to take place.) then God is not complete. A part of him cannot resonate. And, who are we to say what God can and cannot do. Maybe God is pulling another sneaky like he did with Jesus, and took the keys of hell and of death. If all of this is true, then I am a tool, and God is the mechanic. You thank the mechanic, not the wrench. But the wrench is appreciated. I do not know if Asrael will have to go to some heavenly rehab to undo 6,000 years of neural plasticity. I hope, if she can love again (I was shown there is no positivity in hell at all, hope and love actually manifest there as pain) that she will come back to me. I realize as a human man introspecting how selfish and awful I can be in my innocence, and would endeavor to treat her with compassion, love, forgiveness, empathy, and never take her for granted again. God asked me to have no bad thoughts about her. What's interesting to me, is that if her and I were a thing before the earth was formed (God said He knew us before the world was formed, google it I don't know what page it's on, google knows) then T E C H N I C A L L Y I am as old as she is. And, possibly, as old as the angels. I also saw a wolf-guy who likes me a lot, except he is in heaven. He is magnificent, and a warrior. But, I do not have to think about him. It equates to, "I'll see you when you get here, don't worry about me." He has a big smile. Handsome, honestly. So, if 1 day in heaven is as 1,000 here, it's only been 6 days up there if you believe some creationists. I have, what, 5 days of heavenly memories locked away? Is that why I can see mechanical things and just know how they work "Instinctively"? Maybe instinct is just our past life, romping in the grass with our soulmate, with the one who completes us, the knowledge we accumulated there, talking to us behind the scenes. Our unseen "Heaven mind" talking to our "Earth mind". I think that's it, for now. God told me I need to meditate and be still for Him to continue working, or the visions will be sporadic. I am working to accept every dark and terrifying thing, because resisting them has taken 17 years of my life away from me. I wouldn't have been given over like this unless I would win, in the end (God said this. I, however, am still in fear and pain, but better than before.) Also, before the last handful of visions, God had to "Expand" my mind. It felt like I was going insane. Like I was on the verge of "Losing my mind". It was not fun. But, I am endeavoring to accept everything, good and bad. As I do, I am handed victories. That said, I caution people with the spirit realm. This is my calling, and why I am alive. It's why my novels who feature bad guys, the bad guy ends up repenting, no matter how evil. It's why I have endless compassion in my heart. It's for Asrael. Okay there's probably a bunch of stuff I'm leaving out and not remembering. You have a soulmate. If you are in the "Furry" fandom it's likely you were one of these animal-people hybrids, or have one as a mate. If you believe you were a wolf or animal in a past life, you probably actually were. God showed me the human beings who find "True love", "The one" in this realm get to keep them in the next. Those who do not find them here WILL in the next. The reason your desires exist is because >>>THEY<<< actually exist as flesh, somewhere. If you have dark desires it's likely you're connected to a creature i darkness. God designs angels that are rings with a bunch of eyeballs, four-headed gryphons and wheels within wheels. Also, God is just a guy. He's about as tall as Satan, which is why Satan thought he could effect a rebellion against him. Also, God is pretty cool. He really just wants us to live our best lives. "Do no harm" I have hated God all of my life, and he is working to show me He is actually an alright guy. He refuses to "Change" my mind for me, He is earning my acceptance. Still, it's scary. Think of God as the guy on the zig zag wrapping papers. I believe, truly that we are in the "Grace poured out on all flesh" age as described several times in the Bible. Maybe, some of that flesh is in exile. I am also a former antiterrorist combat mercenary, and I realize that my inhuman and vicious rage are actually, technically Asrael's. I am not a violent person, (Any more. I am working to understand and have empathy for people but it is hard) but I always wondered where the rage came from. I volunteered for paragovernmental operations to keep people safe from terrorism, and volunteered for ops I knew I wasn't coming back from. It's why I was able to help my ex. Also, I am unable to reveal much more about the ops I was a part of, my unit, or much else. FYI. Questions will be ignored. Thanks. She is why I hurt everyone I love, and why my physical possessions are treated as if they have no value. Granted, there are psychological issues for these things, but their origin begins with her, I believe. By the way I did go for deliverance where I was prayed over to cast demons out. I remember seeing a woman I was next to say, "I am going to kill her!" meaning, a demon was speaking. I looked her flat in the eye and said, "No. You're not." She was fine. But, in a private session they prayed for me, but nothing happened. They marveled at that, but "Spirits" have been leaving me here and there since the incident. They would "Tear" me painfully as they left, and i remember a verse in the bible about the people marvelling at the spirits that didn't tear the people they left, so I asked God if they could not hurt me when they left (They are very spiteful and angry) and so far they have left the moment I fall asleep, sparing me from being conscious of the pain. The visions of hell and Asrael have only happened in the last 8-9 days. It's up to God and I surprisingly have a say in the matter. God said it has begun, and won't be stopped, now. I think God is turning hell against itself. And, maybe judgment is just a cleaned up, sober Asrael and I standing at his worn wooden desk, God vaping some weird plant weve never heard of, and him basically saying, "You can live here as long as you want, in heaven, or, you can be tossed into liquid magma where your flesh will sear from your bones and your bones be completely consumed for all of eternity." "Yeah, I'll take the mansion." I can see her agreeing. One more thing, I am being shown that we don't get love from other people. What happens when you experience love "for" someone else is actually a resonance within them, returning your love to you. God showed me Asrael's heart is the S pole of a magnet and my heart is the N pole. We "Stick" together perfectly. The resonance of our hearts is the same frequency. God also showed me that He gave women massive spiritual power and authority far in excess of what we men have. We have the physical superiority, but women have the spiritual. That is why they make us feel the way they do.