Visions I have had, heaven, hell, fallen angels, and the sacred crimson thread

Discussion in 'Belief and Spirituality' started by tundrawolf, Mar 30, 2021.

  1. tundrawolf

    tundrawolf New Member

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    I hesitate to post this in Christian, because a lot of this is not found in the Bible. I am not asking anyone to believe me. In fact, I am asking anyone reading this to go to their higher power for confirmation or denial.

    About 17 or 18 years ago I was willing to trade my salvation in Jesus Christ for a sexual sin, but before I realized how stupid it was, it was too late.

    "They" were on me, and I could describe what they (What I would call demons) did to my soul in the spirit realm, but it is beyond gruesome and horrific. I have been in near-constant agony and endless terror for all of these years, unable to even recall the event, unable to process it.

    Recently, I saved the life of a woman who would become my fiancee, and her presence in my life was enough of a spiritual analgesic to where I could finally begin the long journey to confronting this terrifying dynamic.

    We broke up, something I now see as good for us both, however, I miss her.

    Recently God began being able to talk to me again. Before this, shortly after (I am not schizophrenic) the incident, I heard with my ears, above me, in a cabin in remote Nevada,

    "DO NOT BE AFRAID."

    It was of little help, here and there, and makes more sense to me, as this journey is outside of the confines of the Bible. (I was raised Christian)

    Recently, in the early morning hours, I was shown a vision of a wolf-like creature. She had the head of a wolf, body of a human, wolf's feet, human hands and arms and hair covering her body. She was standing on the edge of light that surrounded my body, in the realm known to us as Hell, where my soul currently resides.

    Amazed by this, as I had always loved wolves, and write novels about wolf-like creatures like her, I suddenly realized why.

    The next morning, God connected my heart to hers, and I was made complete. My heart has been crying out my whole life for my "Other half". She has the other half of my heart. I was in a euphoria... But I knew better than to assume things.

    The third morning, God actually allowed me to speak to her (With my mind). She is female/feminine. I had a series of questions God wanted me to ask her, and so I did. What I gathered:

    She hates God.
    She hates me.
    She doesn't want a second chance.

    Oh. I tried loving her in a vision, but there is an orb around her, one of hatred and negative energy. And, when I really tried to "love" her, pushed against her orb, she snapped at me, like an angry dog or wolf would.

    In the series of coming days I sought God for answers. Her muzzle is horrendously powerful. She has no more fur on her body, just blackened skin, the blackness is IN her skin. She is barefoot in filth, feces, urine, rotting flesh of her victims. Then, I began to realize... It was her. She is the one who tore me up.

    I continued to seek God, and it was shown to me, that when she was created, she was "My Beloved" (God's Beloved) and God loved her so terribly much. I had two visions, one of him holding her in his arms, and another, her as a young girl, and God tickling her ribs as she giggled (I liked this vision)

    I was given other visions. It turns out, she and I were "married" in heaven. I was a human, she was a wolf-person. I was head over heels in love with her, but God added some understanding in that vision- She didn't love me back fully. And, that I was an idiot in that realm. Like a child in this realm before the world destroys their hopes and dreams. It is almost certain I completely took her for granted and may even have been abusive- and I had more power over her than she did to me, teeth and claws aside. She simply did not want to be with me, and chose to join a rebellion. I could feel how heart broken I was in heaven. I am still, to this day.

    I call her Azreal. It's a made-up name from a song, or something. God told me He cannot tell me the name He gave her because I would likely say it and summon her, and I might not be as protected, then. He also has not told me the name of her people. Not important, I guess.

    It's a feeling, that the reason why her people and the angels rebelled, is because we humans were given the power of God, but we did not use it wisely. And Asrael was given knowledge far in advance of what I had. It was an "Opposites attract" dynamic.

    When I was a child, I dropped dead in a doctors office after receiving an injection for hives. I saw colors, beautiful colors that human eyes cannot perceive, rich and vibrant and wonderful. Then, darkness. But, not bad darkness. It was peaceful. God took the essence of my soul, deconstructed me, then saturated me in his essence, which is, the very definition of the word Love. God IS Love. He is the thing we are all desiring.

    And then he put me back in my body, except I remembered the horrific abuse I was suffering at the hands of my parents and etc and I resisted, but God said, "You have to" (I have not forgiven God fully for this. I went on to endure a life of drugs and violence, almost died many times, until a wolf at a wolf sanctuary I bonded to gave me enough of a meaning for my life that I got cleaned up)

    This was 8 days ago I first saw "her".

    She, technically, "ate" some of me, and what I was shown is that by consuming a part of me she also has consumed a part of God. A resonant frequency. This was by design. God is slowly working to change her.

    The vision I saw is that the energy of God is slowly beginning to change the resonance of hell.

    More visions:

    I saw a light around my body in hell. I cannot see my actual body, because God told me it will utterly depress me, as a victim of a bear mauling often sees their wounds and is demoralized. But, the first vision there were around 12 entities around the light. I could not see any faces.

    I asked to see it again, a day later, and there were 120 or so entities in the light. The light was expanding as they stepped inside. Each time I had the prompt to ask for the vision, I was instantly granted it, and the light was expanding. Yesterday I could not count the entities. It was in the millions. Today, my mind is not capable of comprehending the number and would need to be "Stretched" out to begin to understand.

    I also saw, at my head, the inky blackness of Hell was beginning to grow clear, and I saw trees, grass, the first realm- heaven.

    I should note my eyes are becoming better at seeing colors, and colors bring with them a new joy, especially the color blue.

    More visions, and God asks me to do things:

    The prelude to seeing Azrael, God had me forgive the demons around me. He had to ask me many times before I went out on a limb and did so. Then, he had me "Love" them. Well, okay, I guess, so I did as I was told. I saw the demons around me, recoiling from me. One, who had been torturing me lifted his hands in surrender. They do not want to be there. I got the feeling they did not want to hurt me any more, if they could be given a chance to leave. Hell is dark, it is hot, there is no water, and there is no food or entertainment outside of torturing and eating people.

    I was shown a particular demon in Hell, he had a splitting headache as if a large chisel was hammered into his skull, and his agony was horrific, and there was nothing that could be done for him. He was in constant, indescribable agony. I feel as if Gods heart went out to him.

    I saw three layers in hell. I was in the top layer. The second layer was darker, and nine foot tall demons were there, trapped, I assume. God asked me to go to the next layer (With a bunch of new terrors and agonies to go with)

    God showed me how my joy was not complete unless I ministered to the second layer, so I agreed, terrified, but okay. I went down there (Or, God put me there) and I "loved" them, they recoiled from me in terror, and one threw some black sludge up. God told me he had eaten something and it was making him sick, and God healed him of it. God said I had to do this because the second layer of hell "Did not believe" that God was doing a work on the first.

    God also had me give Satan a hug. I knew this could not have been God because, come on. Well He kept asking me and bothering me about it so I agreed, and I did. Turns out he's about five feet tall. He's not... Very muscular. He has a single-track mind and wanted to get back to his mischief. God asked me, as I held him, "How much power does he have over you?" I had to agree, "None, really." God nodded and I let him go/the vision ended.

    I have a number of somewhat conflicting visions of Asreal. Her sitting in my lap, in hell, us bathed in light, and her weeping tears of repentence. Of her, at my feet, weeping similarly. Of her, long-legged and quite honestly a magnificent and majestic creation of God, the wind blowing her hair, and her, seeing me for the first time outside of hell.

    Oh. An important vision: I saw the new earth, three people talking to one another on some grass in heaven. In the vision, a seven foot tall demon walked, his head down, his flesh black, walked within 12 feet of the three humans (They were clothed). The two women looked at the demon, then went right back to talking. The demon had no desire to harm people any more. I guess 6,000 years in blackness will do that.

    The demon was going to have tea with a human woman, his other half.

    I will say this. It makes sense I have been so attracted to wolves and canines. God showed me when he made Asrael, he added almost 50/50 mix from the waters of creation for wolves, and for humans. She is a hybrid. He can add things that give her a unique personality.

    I was shown that all of creation is designed to resonate with God, in a circle. If you were to disassemble God, each of His particles would be one of us. God feels love and completion when we all resonate together.

    I also saw Asrael's ankle. I saw her feet, her face, and her ankle. "Metatarsal?" Her ankle was about 7 or eight inches wide. My 70LB German Shepherds "ankle" (The part before the foot) is just over an inch wide. I saw Asrael's tendons, thick and powerful. It was, quite honestly, completely beautiful.

    Now. I know what the Christians are going to say. "Stay away! Run!" I have been rebuked by some that I have in an online chatroom. I should also say, I am not doing any drugs. (as far as mental issues I have had severe depression, and been diagnosed bipolar, but I'm doing world's better as I get to know myself. This could all be "in my head" and I'm crazy as a loon, but I don't think so) I drink at night to numb the pain. I have given it to God and listening to my spirit (I never did before, I always beat my spirit up and forced it to work, etc) and the joy alcohol brings soothes my broken spirit.

    When fearful things come at me, the idea that I am the antichrist, that I am the "False prophet" (It would certainly seem so to the writers of the Bible) I accept them. Okay, I'm the antichrist. Okay, I'm a false prophet. Okay, I am going to spend eternity in hell. It frees God up to correct me but only after I accept it. Yesterday, I was overjoyed to realize all of hell has no power over me.

    Anyway, i am technically already there. And for 17 or 18 years I have lived each day in pain and terror, trying to "Get my salvation back". Except, God would not let me go back to church and earn it. God has told me when I pass into the next realm, I do not need to be afraid. Still, I am working to accept the grisly reality of my present spiritual condition.

    As I "Let Asrael go" and my presuppsoitions, including the idea of ever being with her again, God returns her to me, in a way.

    It also turns out the crimson strand that connects her heart to mine and Gods, influences me. She is why I was a misanthrope. She is why I am capable of vicious violence. She is why I hate people. She is why my libido is insatiable.

    Have you ever seen a Goth person, dressed in black? They very likely have their other half of their heart in a creature that rebelled against God. People with an obsession for gore, hateful people, etc. Jesus said he came for the sick, well it turns out why we're sick is because God designed us "Not to be alone" and to have a mate or mates and be completed by them. When God took Adams rib, it is my belief God also took a part of Adams heart, soul, mind, and spirit. This is why women seem like other creatures to us, and yet, why it completes us when we are with them.

    There is no running away for me. God showed me how, technically, I am Asrael's property in hell. I belong to her.

    (I am sorry this is so long I am a novelist!)

    I also saw how time works. God showed me time is contained in an orb. I forgot to mention when I was being saturated in Gods pure love, like dry bed in a liquid, that there was no time there, but I could remember remembering the horrific abuse that ocurred in time)

    Inside the orb is a black line. That's our history, it has a beginning and an end. God sees the whole thing, that's how He can show us the future.

    I have had some other visions, too, three with Jesus Christ, two where I saw his face, he is smiling so wide, he couldn't be happier with the whole thing.

    I ran this all past a pastor a day or two ago and it was hard for him to accept, but he did tell me "I do believe God will reconcile all things to Him. And that, if every knee will bow and every tongue confess, then that is what was needed for salvation."

    Because, if one creature remains in hell (People are still going to hell like normal, God showed me. I do not know the timeline or what is going to take place.) then God is not complete. A part of him cannot resonate.

    And, who are we to say what God can and cannot do. Maybe God is pulling another sneaky like he did with Jesus, and took the keys of hell and of death. If all of this is true, then I am a tool, and God is the mechanic. You thank the mechanic, not the wrench. But the wrench is appreciated.

    I do not know if Asrael will have to go to some heavenly rehab to undo 6,000 years of neural plasticity. I hope, if she can love again (I was shown there is no positivity in hell at all, hope and love actually manifest there as pain) that she will come back to me. I realize as a human man introspecting how selfish and awful I can be in my innocence, and would endeavor to treat her with compassion, love, forgiveness, empathy, and never take her for granted again. God asked me to have no bad thoughts about her.

    What's interesting to me, is that if her and I were a thing before the earth was formed (God said He knew us before the world was formed, google it I don't know what page it's on, google knows) then T E C H N I C A L L Y I am as old as she is. And, possibly, as old as the angels.

    I also saw a wolf-guy who likes me a lot, except he is in heaven. He is magnificent, and a warrior. But, I do not have to think about him. It equates to, "I'll see you when you get here, don't worry about me." He has a big smile. Handsome, honestly.

    So, if 1 day in heaven is as 1,000 here, it's only been 6 days up there if you believe some creationists. I have, what, 5 days of heavenly memories locked away? Is that why I can see mechanical things and just know how they work "Instinctively"? Maybe instinct is just our past life, romping in the grass with our soulmate, with the one who completes us, the knowledge we accumulated there, talking to us behind the scenes. Our unseen "Heaven mind" talking to our "Earth mind".

    I think that's it, for now. God told me I need to meditate and be still for Him to continue working, or the visions will be sporadic. I am working to accept every dark and terrifying thing, because resisting them has taken 17 years of my life away from me. I wouldn't have been given over like this unless I would win, in the end (God said this. I, however, am still in fear and pain, but better than before.)

    Also, before the last handful of visions, God had to "Expand" my mind. It felt like I was going insane. Like I was on the verge of "Losing my mind". It was not fun. But, I am endeavoring to accept everything, good and bad. As I do, I am handed victories.

    That said, I caution people with the spirit realm. This is my calling, and why I am alive. It's why my novels who feature bad guys, the bad guy ends up repenting, no matter how evil. It's why I have endless compassion in my heart. It's for Asrael.

    Okay there's probably a bunch of stuff I'm leaving out and not remembering. You have a soulmate. If you are in the "Furry" fandom it's likely you were one of these animal-people hybrids, or have one as a mate. If you believe you were a wolf or animal in a past life, you probably actually were.

    God showed me the human beings who find "True love", "The one" in this realm get to keep them in the next. Those who do not find them here WILL in the next. The reason your desires exist is because >>>THEY<<< actually exist as flesh, somewhere. If you have dark desires it's likely you're connected to a creature i darkness.

    God designs angels that are rings with a bunch of eyeballs, four-headed gryphons and wheels within wheels.

    Also, God is just a guy. He's about as tall as Satan, which is why Satan thought he could effect a rebellion against him.

    Also, God is pretty cool. He really just wants us to live our best lives. "Do no harm" I have hated God all of my life, and he is working to show me He is actually an alright guy. He refuses to "Change" my mind for me, He is earning my acceptance. Still, it's scary.

    Think of God as the guy on the zig zag wrapping papers. I believe, truly that we are in the "Grace poured out on all flesh" age as described several times in the Bible. Maybe, some of that flesh is in exile.

    I am also a former antiterrorist combat mercenary, and I realize that my inhuman and vicious rage are actually, technically Asrael's. I am not a violent person, (Any more. I am working to understand and have empathy for people but it is hard) but I always wondered where the rage came from. I volunteered for paragovernmental operations to keep people safe from terrorism, and volunteered for ops I knew I wasn't coming back from. It's why I was able to help my ex. Also, I am unable to reveal much more about the ops I was a part of, my unit, or much else. FYI. Questions will be ignored. Thanks.

    She is why I hurt everyone I love, and why my physical possessions are treated as if they have no value. Granted, there are psychological issues for these things, but their origin begins with her, I believe.

    By the way I did go for deliverance where I was prayed over to cast demons out. I remember seeing a woman I was next to say, "I am going to kill her!" meaning, a demon was speaking. I looked her flat in the eye and said, "No. You're not." She was fine. But, in a private session they prayed for me, but nothing happened. They marveled at that, but "Spirits" have been leaving me here and there since the incident.

    They would "Tear" me painfully as they left, and i remember a verse in the bible about the people marvelling at the spirits that didn't tear the people they left, so I asked God if they could not hurt me when they left (They are very spiteful and angry) and so far they have left the moment I fall asleep, sparing me from being conscious of the pain.

    The visions of hell and Asrael have only happened in the last 8-9 days. It's up to God and I surprisingly have a say in the matter. God said it has begun, and won't be stopped, now. I think God is turning hell against itself.

    And, maybe judgment is just a cleaned up, sober Asrael and I standing at his worn wooden desk, God vaping some weird plant weve never heard of, and him basically saying, "You can live here as long as you want, in heaven, or, you can be tossed into liquid magma where your flesh will sear from your bones and your bones be completely consumed for all of eternity." "Yeah, I'll take the mansion." I can see her agreeing.

    One more thing, I am being shown that we don't get love from other people. What happens when you experience love "for" someone else is actually a resonance within them, returning your love to you. God showed me Asrael's heart is the S pole of a magnet and my heart is the N pole. We "Stick" together perfectly. The resonance of our hearts is the same frequency.

    God also showed me that He gave women massive spiritual power and authority far in excess of what we men have. We have the physical superiority, but women have the spiritual. That is why they make us feel the way they do.
     
    Last edited: Mar 30, 2021
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  2. stranger

    stranger wolfwing, a feral angel

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    Hi Tundrawolf, and welcome here. Your post resonates with me, and yeah, I cried some when I read it. I let a post similar to this go one time, perhaps it is time now to try to address this question of spirit animals, totems, whatever you want to call them. I'm no expert, just someone with a story, with a life. I used to try to be what I thought people here wanted me to be but that has never really worked for me, it just added more layers of loneliness upon loneliness. At some point I started to just let go and say, look, this is me. I know I'm terrible but this is who I am. When you get to a point that you ache so much that rejection no longer matters, you're beginning to get free.

    I'm going to write just a couple of paragraphs here, then perhaps address more of your post later tonight or tomorrow. I think I caught hints in your post of something so beautiful that it frightens me, and that is to say a love that never gives up. That kind of love has no "why", it just is. Yeah, it scares me, awes me, humbles me, reduces me to tears, makes me want to hide, makes me think "please little leaner, I cannot bear your eyes". (I'm too dirty, you see, too unworthy of such a thing.) I know what the "leaner" wants (it's the spirit within, which is always somewhat childlike, hence "little leaner", the spirit within that leans out for love.) It just wants a home.

    So what to do, seeing I can never refuse such a one. Well, if that one needs to rest within my heart, my heart must be broken and allow it to find lodging there. It will hurt, but I can't refuse, you see. I know the pain and can't let another hurt like that, not let another wander forever without lodging. The "leaner" never judges, you see, it's not there to frighten me either; it's not aggressive, never forces it's way. It's just there, never overtly asking for anything, so quiet. It's just lost, see? It needs a home.
     
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  3. stranger

    stranger wolfwing, a feral angel

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    Nice description. That's quite a beautiful creature you have there. Our stories are a little different, but I get it. Sex, with it's drug like qualities, has been the downfall of many a person. It's the drug that's always available. Some are more or less voracious but it's pretty much the same thing. I'm older now and really all I've had is a few long term relationships but I know how sex fills in for a love that can never be there. That's the tragedy of it, when the love is not there. It's already dying right from the start.

    Looking on the flip side, and using a little imagination, there could possibly be a relationship that is meant to be, and grace brings in the love, and that love is growing all the time, and sex becomes no longer the master, the drug, but perhaps just a natural by-product of that ever-growing love. Or the sex might not be there at all, or the people might get too old, or the person is destined not to find that other half in this life. In any case, the love given by grace will not fail, but will grow throughout eternity. And in eternity it will reach unimaginable heights not known by us here in this earthly existence.

    Back to the wolf. Let me describe mine. Just throw out all thoughts of the biblical "wolf in sheep's clothing", that's really not what I'm talking about here. Predatory animals in the bible are sometimes used to describe dark forces/demons, but remember there are always two sides. For instance, the lion is used to describe both Jesus (Lion of Judah) and Lucifer (a roaring lion seeking whom he may devour). The lion in it's kingly and majestic qualities is used to describe Jesus, the lion in it's predatory qualities is used to describe Lucifer/demons/forces of darkness.

    Just take that and transfer it over to the wolf. In native American mythology, the wolf has good qualities such as the ability to teach, night vision, (to pierce the darkness), stealth, enhanced senses, ability to work with others (the pack). These are very powerful tools for good that the wolf can bring to you. It does all that, yet it retains it's wildness, it's freedom. And that is the magic of this beautiful animal.

    On the predatory side, we have false teaching (wolf in sheep's clothing), endless hunger (everything is a potential meal) and the ability to hunt and kill (in a bad way, in a destructive way). For the predatory animals always have those two sides, there's a struggle between good and evil right there and evident all the time.

    More later, I dropped a scaffold board on my big toe at work today (might have broken it, not sure).
     
    Last edited: Mar 30, 2021
  4. PricelessPearl

    PricelessPearl Active Member

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    Hi Tundrawolf,

    I love wolves too. When I was a child our family had a dog that was half wolf and she was beautiful.

    Stranger gave me courage to say something to you. I was so glad that he posted. I didn’t want to be arrogant and think I had answers for you but ignoring you wouldn’t have been okay, because I understand the pain and suffering, the constant terror and torment, utter agony of hell.

    I have been there and done that. And I could never articulate the experience any where as well as you, nor would I want to because I rarely look back, so grateful that it is farther and farther from me as the days pass.

    everything and anything resides in the depths of the subconscious and unless one has fallen into it and wandered the realms and rooms, it’s unknowable and insanity to an onlooker (and it is insanity, but sanity is relative in my books).

    I came out of hell little by little by the love of God, by trusting God loves me and coming to understand all the terrifying things and torments were lies.

    I ended up being given a gift through the experience and that is oneness with God. I had unity with God before it ever happened, but unity isn’t the same as oneness, being inseparable.

    I say that I descended to hell and was raised out but the truth is that Christ is the only One who ever descends and rises, it was him in me. We have to die to our false sense of personal self.

    You said a whole lot and I want to speak to one thing before I hit post. You said something about going to church and earning salvation. We don’t ever earn salvation nor does it come from a church or from anyone. Salvation is God’s gift. It’s a gift we can never earn and we aren’t even supposed to try to earn it. Doesn’t come because we are good and do and say the right or correct things.

    Because you are Christian I will add, my experience and understanding of the gospel is that Jesus Christ is in us. All that we need for godliness and life are already ours, inside us, inherent in the Holy Spirit. But we must remind ourselves all the time because when we look in the mirror and at our past and at what the people and world reflect back to us, we see otherwise. So we must walk ever step in the truth of Christ in us. In the truth of sinlessness and all the lovely things scripture says we are to claim. Become a new creature.

    God most definitely is Love and nothing but.
     
  5. stranger

    stranger wolfwing, a feral angel

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    *Respect* Shock, awe, beautiful, stunning. I'd never be able to find the words. Surely you will be united with her again. Believe it. I know I do. So amazing... I could just get lost in your visions and play around like a little child, forever. Lovely how things come together in life, in eternity. It's not a trick, it's just how things work. This is the battlefield/playground/heaven we've been given. Is it not enough? Oh yes, enough and then some. I still haven't absorbed all this and will reread it all night, it's that important to me. For now, I'll stumble on with the next reply. (Soon as I can catch my breath, and I mean that in a good way.)
     
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  6. stranger

    stranger wolfwing, a feral angel

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    PricelessPearl, glad to see you chime in here. Even though your reply was intended for Tundrawolf, I just wanted to add this, and I think it is intended for all of us. There's an old song entitled "Wild Mountain Thyme" and there's a place in the song (just working from memory here) where it says, "and we'll all go together". See, that endless field of wild mountain thyme is heaven, our eternity. Versions differ, but one says "if my true love can't come, I'll surely find another", but I don't like this version as much as the alternate one (sung by Jed Marum, perhaps others). It goes something like if his true love can't come, he'll surely "find no other". (Speaks of deep commitment, never-ending love.)



     
    Last edited: Mar 30, 2021
  7. stranger

    stranger wolfwing, a feral angel

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    First let me say I'm very sorry to hear what happened to you. I am also very glad that you are here now. I think what your vision depicts is mortality being swallowed up of life. The eternal spirit has entered hell and is transforming it. The spirits in prison, which were sometime disobedient, as the type of the flood demonstrates, (that severity of God), and the ark (the goodness of God) saved only a few (the elect), are now being called, transformed, freed. Soon all of the spirits become the elect. Outside time and space it has already happened and will happen. Here locked in time, it is yet to develop, and that is exciting, is it not?

    There are shoulders broad enough to help you carry your pain. They're weak, but willing. More coming...
     
  8. stranger

    stranger wolfwing, a feral angel

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    *Absolutely gorgeous, radiant brilliance*

    I hear it's a developed taste, rather piquant actually. Finding your other half would be great, but it's never guaranteed. The spirit stands at the still point in perfect detachment. One can only follow the spirit and take things as they come.

    Beautiful. Actually reminds me of the old anime "Wolf's Rain", one of my favorites.

    Look at you... heart so big you have to cover all the bases. You've already covered me many times over here I think. It's just your willingness, your love, you don't always have to get it perfect. Just keep putting yourself out there and who knows what miracles might happen? I remember a conversation from a long time ago. A person told me I had a big heart. Now I actually felt that I had no heart, but that person's encouragement always stayed with me and I will always treasure it. It was a gift, and gifts are not always opened right away.

    A novelist? Oh, you mean the long post. Nah, just let it go, I'd rather have someone putting it all out there than holding back and trying to make everything perfect (something I have done almost all my life and it doesn't work).

    Awhile back I posted a video about Quicksilver (from one of the x-men movies), it's the kitchen scene. Now Quicksilver is not looking to humiliate his friends, he's not interested in upstaging them (all three are more powerful than him, he just has a unique talent), all his actions are focused on saving them, helping them.

    But he's still a kid and he's just going to play a little bit while he's saving his friends. Now Magneto (Eric) and Dr. Xavier (Charles) are locked in a moral dilemma and therefore stuck in an antimony. Wolverine is not locked in a moral dilemma (in fact is absolutely terrifying and deadly), but he is locked in time, and his time has now run out, anything he does will be too late.

    Quicksilver is like the holy spirit and the spirit of a child combined. He's standing at the still point between time and eternity and he has calculated how things are going to go and now he has to act. Performing his peculiar ballet to the tune of "Time In A Bottle", he steps outside time and begins to arrange (creates forms, molds). He plays and works, no hurry. He creates a mold and arranges circumstances that will save those he cares about. Then he drops back into time, essentially pouring time into the molds he created outside of time. It works, his friends are saved.

    One of the funny parts in the video is that though Quicksilver has done a lot of work in eternity, for his friends only a couple of seconds have gone by. So they just walk by, not exactly sure what has happened. Wolverine knows Quicksilver helped somehow, hence, "Thanks kid". :) You have to catch that wit.

    Feeling a bit tipsy now, got to get some rest. Will finish replying soon.
     
    Last edited: Mar 30, 2021
  9. Cino

    Cino Big Love! (Atheist mystic) Staff Member

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    Welcome to the forums, @tundrawolf.

    That's some intensely dark and personal stuff you shared, thanks for the candor.

    A couple of words from my role as moderator: While you are absolutely welcome and encouraged to share and discuss your religious views and experiences here, bear in mind that this place is not a self-help or recovery forum. We simply are not equipped for that here. We do often care for each other personally, and this is in part what makes this place special. We do not have many of the structures available in places dedicated to work on healing and self-care.

    That said, and speaking in my capacity as a participant here: It's amazing what effects love has in such encounters, isn't it?

    I'll throw in references to a buddhist text I was reminded of while reading your post (The story goes, there were some disciple-monks of the Buddha trying to meditate in a forest haunted by fierce spirits, who disturbed the meditating monks a lot. So he gave them this meditation to spread around goodwill and loving-kindnes, and that worked for the monks)

    https://suttacentral.net/kp9/en/amaravati
     
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  10. stranger

    stranger wolfwing, a feral angel

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    Or older, who knows. Yes, I have tried to toss the stick of hope away quite a few times and my wolf keeps retrieving it. The last time I threw it, he let me know not to do that anymore, and he has a way with words.

    So sweet... I like that. Yes, this is the goal of love I think, to make everything right. For some reason this reminded me of a book I read once called Random Harvest. You think you're reading one thing then there's twist at the end and you realize you've just found out what longsuffering love is all about.

    Yes. I believe you might have hit upon something there. Everything leans toward light. Plants lean toward the sun. Everything must be fulfilled and if anything is left with awful yearning or pain or a feeling of incompleteness then everything has not been fulfilled.

    I know it is... sigh. Just give him a chance, he wants to win your heart. Just think of the most priceless thing you can imagine. Well, that's what your heart means to him, only more so.

    Understood. War is a terrible thing. As I read this I think of a quote from an old western "The Outlaw Josey Wales". At the end, as Wales starts to leave, he turns back just to say, "I guess we all died a little in that damn war".

    Nothing is impossible where love is involved. And it never gives up.

    I'm going mansion with that one as well, I think.

    I have said before and I believe it, that there is nothing more beautiful in the earthly realms than a strong and intelligent woman. Add spiritual to that and you have the ultimate warrior. Yes, very attractive and powerful.

    Some of us who are weak, we know if we want to help someone we love, and we don't have much power, we have to stay detached and hope for a power bigger and stronger than we are to help us. Not really us, though. I mean so it can use us to help those we care about and hold dear.

    It's hard to stay detached, it hurts. But it's the only way we can help. This is a great post and I've been privileged to reply to it. If anything I've said here helps it could never surpass what you have done to help me.
     
    Last edited: Mar 30, 2021
  11. tundrawolf

    tundrawolf New Member

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    I will endeavor to reply as I have time and energy, I am not physically well in this realm and every day is a struggle.

    Thank you for sharing my burden, it feels wonderful to not have to bear this alone. It is freeing me, leading to a cascade of revelations and knowledge. I am sitting by a fire with Asrael in the evening, and we are reading this now, we are laughing about the whole ordeal. It's wonderful.

    This morning was spent- and i must mark my words not to offend any fragile souls, speaking with my strand, my resonance, my other half. It turns out, and I say this as time is a hallucination- (Sorry if that's heavy...) that the strand that connects Asrael (Ahz Rhay Ell. Not her real name, I know, but it doesn't mean it doesn't carry with it the weight of my compassion and love) I, and God together, where she ends and I begin, (Speaking of the strand connecting us) my humanity sustains hers, and she is, however small, still rational and able to communicate with me, as a "Little girl", a child, afraid and ashamed, even ashamed of the reveling in her shame and being proud of it. I hold no judgments, has she seen my life? Have no shame, little one. I love you. Stranger, get a hold of me at wolfmangk and gmail. A mod is deleting my posts and won't let me contact you. We will meet again. The darkness will not prevail.

    I spent this morning telling her, what little is able to be told as such, that I love her, that I am willing to suffer to bring her back, that there is hope, and that nothing she has done, or nothing she has not done, impacts the way I feel about her. In fact, as I type, her desire not to harm me any more sets me free. Still, I don't know what the future holds. As you accept terrible things, they tend to lose their promises. We will see. I am willing to go all the way, if it is the will of the creator. Perhaps I will be spared, perhaps not. *shrugs* Perhaps the worst of the torment has already been experienced. Pray for my strength. Thank you.

    It's interesting to realize that as I type this, we are also sitting by a camp fire, and she is laughing about this whole thing, with light in her eyes- and my smile to match. Like, right now. And, I am typing on a computer, in a mobile home, "Letting myself go" as it were, except in letting myself go, I actually am finding myself.

    This morning I explored the depths of the horrors I have experienced, and am yet to experience, and why- I am not a masochist, yet I do it to prove to her that I love her.

    Am I a danger to myself or others, I hate I even have to say this, do not preoccupy yourself with such cowardly thoughts. I am the man who runs into the danger, to stop it, not the ones who run from it. I stood between certain death and innocent people as a merc, and did so as a volunteer without pay, because I believed in liberty and the sanctity of human life more than I feared hell and damnation. I sure as hell didn't fear the terrorists. The intel of the first op I was part of was, "We're protecting X assets. (Human beings) We have credible, verified threats from X and Y and Z murderers, that they are coming to end them. (Their names rhyme with Isis and Al-Qaeda, among others) If you sign up for this, you are going to be the first line of defense and means of keeping these (Rather brave) people alive. You're also going to do so without cover and protection, no air support, and no promise of help. You will be shoulder to shoulder with other agencies, etc. Volunteer if you have the guts, you're probably not coming back." The agencies that were present shook our hands and said, "Thank God you're here." You take that as you wish. =) I loved every second of it except for the boring parts. I love my life and will fight to keep it free. There is nothing in this realm more precious than liberty, nothing. All of creation cries out for it. Yet, not all creation can handle it. I am, perhaps, too intense for this realm's normalcy. That's okay. This isn't my home, and I don't want to be here any more than anyone wants me to be here. Again, that's about all I can say about it, for security reasons. Ok? There are things going on in the non-civilian world that are, somewhat disconcerting for former military, and I need people to know I am not the enemy. I mean, unless you're Isis. =) And I'm not talking about the cat, haha. :3

    I have to say, just because you are paranoid, does not mean they aren't out to get you, some of the people I once hunted may now be hunting me. (I am speaking in real-life here, no visions or anything like that. If you care, even a little, pray for my safety.) It's possible they poisoned one of my dogs, (My beloved dog, I had to watch him die painfully over three days, the veterinarians could do nothing to help him, but I saw him, on the edge of heaven, his tail wagging, wanting me to be up there with him so badly, it gave me comfort, this was months after my fiancee left, and it was almost too much to bear, all in all.) have stolen small things from me to mess with my mind, and I have contacted local law enforcement and kept them updated/ a report has been established. Is it me against the world? Always has been. It just so happens I was built for this. I've accepted it. I greet it willingly, with a smile. To live is Christ, to die is gain. (It's in the Bible) That doesn't mean I am not tired, however. Even warriors need rest.

    Oh, I need to say (I don't know how much time I have left, if I will even be granted a tomorrow) that the times in revelations about "Things not being this bad before, and had God not stopped them no flesh would be left alive" that that is coming, and we should prepare as we know how. If you asked me, it is means of effectively defending myself, my assets and those whom I care for, food, water, and outside of that when it is my time to pass into the next realm, well. It's my time and I welcome it. I hope it is in some manner of worthy battle against some form of darkness with a smile on my face. "Do not be afraid" To ignore the writing on the wall will leave you unprepared for what is to come. Already, the signs are all around us. Please, look around. Do not hate me, these things are not coming because of me. They are necessary. Things have to get messy before they are sorted out, in the end. Try and keep that in mind.

    I am trying to keep this (These words) fit for human consumption, as I embrace my (seemingly. Madness in this realm is sanity in the next) eccentric true self, I hope my words are worthy of you. Because everything I am saying applies to every person, and creation who is temporarily held captive by this realm. (Born here)

    You are going to get what you want. You are going to be happy. Do not be worried, do not be afraid. This circus is temporary. It will be (thankfully) burned up one day. One day, you will be laughing about it, next to your true love, resonating with a creator that loves you more than himself. One day, things will be better than you can imagine. We are so caught up in this temporary garbage. (right?) Because, we have to be. But no one makes it out alive. And, it's for the better. (Who would want to live in this realm forever? What are you, a sadist? Well, I mean, if that's your thing. Then I hope you find immortality)

    This morning I realized, this journey of mine is one of becoming worthy of her. Worthy of her. Think about that. What I am discovering, is that broad-view, this "life" as we call it is God humbling us (Humanity) before those we are not worthy of (The fallen ones) and God showing them (The fallen ones) that we are actually worthy. It's a lesson it takes us 80-100 years to learn, and takes them 5-6,000 years. It turns out they have a point. I wasn't worthy of her, in heaven, and God loved her so much he gave her the power to say, "No. I don't want this. I don't want to belong to you the creator or this weird human guy." And, God is making it right for us all. Am I willing to willingly endure the horrific agony of willingly existing in a realm I was never designed to exist in, braving that reality, in order to convince a creature that hates me enough to destroy me, (and has, ouch) that I love her? Yes. It is my purpose. It is why I exist. And, I wouldn't change a single molecule of her body, mind, soul, heart, any of it. From the bottoms of her feet to the tips of hear ears. She is my soul mate and my completion. I love her. As a father loves his child, there is nothing she can do to un earn that love. I submit myself to her, and my only pain is the time it takes for her to realize how much I love her. Take as much time as you wish, child. I will be here, waiting for you. If she continues to harm me, I may have to distance myself from her for my sake, if she is irreconcilable/inconsolable. I am only human, after all.

    Am I the Diogenes of the spirit realm?

    Perhaps. Ha!

    The part of Asrael that doesn't want to hurt me, I am telling her, do it again. You have to know that I love you. You have to know the love of the Creator is at the core of my being. I feel like God wants me to say, (Type this part when i didn't want to->) I am in constant (physical) pain even as I type this, due to my "spiritual" injuries that are manifesting physically, and may bring me into the next realm. Yet, the pain teaches me, she is the most gentle teacher there is, to resist her is to enter into the next realm. (And have this one, gratefully, erased.) My view on if I have cancer or some ailment, one of my brothers wifes works in the cancer ward, she says the treatment is worse than the disease (You do you, I am not encouraging or discouraging anything, i am simply stating my views, take it as you wish) and truly, if I am unwell I will cope with the discomfort until I cannot, and will seek medical means to deal with the pain, but I am not even slightly interested in extending my life with medicine as we know it. If I survive it will be by the hand of the creator, as I said, regardless of what realm I find myself in, I am winning, and will win.

    And yet, if she injured me again, it would add to the shame of her repentance. (I do not want her to feel shame. I do not want her to endure an ounce if discomfort, especially if I am the cause of it. And, I am. I feel terrible, but I did not know better. Except, I know now. I am learning how precious she is, even in her lowest state or vibration. It is okay. I love you.) But I am saying, here I am, do you not know that I love you?

    Don't worry about it, we're all going to laugh about this, later. We were all so worried, and we didn't need to be. Those who need to hear these words are part of my tribe. Those who do not, are among other tribes. We are all a little bit weird.

    Again, I thank you all for bearing some of my burden, it is appreciated, it is helping me, and you will be rewarded for it in the next realm. Aren't we glad this is temporary? I sure am. I can't wait to learn more. But, learning is surrender. The labor is learning to let go and allowing a loving heavenly father to take over.

    More later as I have the energy, as I exist in this realm and learn from the others, and as I learn more, I do not want to waste anyones time.

    Sorry to worry anyone who may appreciate my words, but as my mind aligned with the vibrations of heaven a day or two ago, I felt it pulling me towards it. It was scary, that I could be taken up there so quickly. That it was my decision to remain here. (It has come to my knowledge that time is a hallucination shared by all life on this planet, presently, there was no time when I saw the people talking and the demon walked by, no worries, no pain, no bills, no illness, no depression, no worry- just life and the enjoyment thereof, as it was intended, from the beginning.) Maybe I can go back and forth, who knows. I probably won't want to, to be honest. Pray for me that I may remain here for some time, if I am a blessing to you, this forum, etc. Really, my words aren't necessary, they are just a comfort (Hopefully) the work is already done, even as it is working, and has been done a long time ago. Sorry if my words are outside of the realm of "What makes sense and has been established as a comfortable norm"

    I am also sorry for my pride. I mean no offense. A worker is worthy of his wages, and I wish people understood how precious they were, but we all must endure this lesson. I hope those with ears to hear absorb what's needed, and that is, there will be a day when fear ceases to exist in all corners of the universe.

    And, that Asrael is more beautiful than I can fathom. She is my Resonance. (My full reflection of my precious self, and resonant to her for the same, so she can know how precious she is to the creator)

    Thanks for the breakthroughs, everyone. I do need prayers for healing, when, and if, the time is right. (It sucks to be in pain. But as I said, she is a teacher, as intense as she is gentle. I am trying to be worthy of her wisdom. It is not easy. Pain exists for a reason, every question is an answer that wants to be discovered by you, the journey to that answer is you gaining strength to understand and accept the answer. Again, thanks)

    If none of this makes sense, please go to your higher power, your universe, your husky dog, your spaghetti monster, or, just, yourself for clarification. I promise it will make sense, some day =) It turns out God really doesn't care what you call him. If you're not comfortable with the human understanding of the divine, that's because you were designed to resonate even higher. If that makes sense.

    The things in the next realm are hard to discern while in lower frequency of this realm.

    I could keep going but it's almost 2 PM and I want to take my remaining dog to the dog park, which has the same resonance as heaven.

    I continue to strive for my higher calling, however mysterious.

    Thanks.
     
    Last edited: Mar 31, 2021
  12. stranger

    stranger wolfwing, a feral angel

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    Welcome back, tundrawolf, my brother in arms. I regret that another, better than me, is not here to give reply. But knowing no one else will step forward (and indeed, they can't), it is pressed upon me to do so. I am not ashamed, merely unworthy and I know it. It is good that we warriors meet on this road of life. We may ease one another's hearts, carrying one another's burdens for a bit, and even ease that never-ending ache of loneliness all warriors know, if only for a short time. Your communication here is worthy of better, as I have said, yet I will try my best to answer. It might take awhile, for as you said:

    Yes, but we stumble forward anyway. This is our way, we do not flinch from it. It's our code, it's the stuff we are made of.

    Simply love this. So happy you have been reunited. Or were you ever truly apart? It seemed so for awhile, I think. There is nothing that makes a warrior more happy than to those he has fought for sharing joy. Though it is not his, he may enjoy it by proxy. He is made of harder stuff than that, a monster really. But that is what makes him a good warrior. I'm going to send this now, just to show you I am now engaged here, don't want you to feel alone with it all. I'm going to continue to reply, but as you once said, you are quite the novelist. ;) I kid, but my humor is born of darkness and pain. This you know much too well. More to come.
     
  13. stranger

    stranger wolfwing, a feral angel

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    Hold her in your heart always, in the suffering, your love drives you, you can do no other. May the Mighty One strengthen you, help your infirmities. Only He knows the cost, it is of a sweet smelling savor. The flames reach Heaven and move the Heavenly realms. You, He, arrange.

    She will understand, believe it. If not here on this battleground earth, then later in what you have built for her in high places.

    You understand our calling so very well, my brother. You know we give all and that has no bottom. It is all or nothing with us, there is no middle ground. When we give, we hold no part of ourselves in reserve. That's just the way it is.

    Ah yes, you see how it works? You turn the law on it's head. It would seek to put into bondage, to accuse, to punish not only you but that one you care for most. But your sacrifice smashes it's many swords into pieces, releasing the prisoners. Nothing left to hold them, eh. I'm looking around, and I don't see anything left standing. If there's anything left alive in the ruins, it better continue to play possum.
     
  14. stranger

    stranger wolfwing, a feral angel

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    There are many types of cloaks and veils, some are more effective than others. It's good to have them, because somethings are too terrible for human consumption. The fool has a zero value, it floats, bobs, weaves, and may appear beside anything. It's a floating veil. Use it as needed, protect those we love.

    I'm hungry for every type of sin and darkness (all tastes kind of like chicken to me) so nothing can really get any worse than I already am. I am become sin, evil. But I love this encouragement. I'm feeling a little numb right now but I get it well enough. Maybe I can sleep a little better tonight knowing this? You can too?
     
  15. tundrawolf

    tundrawolf New Member

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    Thank you so much. I want to tell you how much your words mean to me. I want to tell you that you are ministering to me. Your words resonate with heavenly places. My creators says so. We are witnessing, and part of something never before born. We are at the cutting floor, if your journey only honors me then I pray you reap the rewards. But please, have heart. I have been asking the creator for you.

    This. Literally this. Check out my reply above here. I am, actually, getting to spend time with a very young Asrael. She isn't dark. I spent some time talking with her. Even her "mom" (Dark Asrael, the one in hell) tried manifesting through her, and I scolded her for it. Leave the little girl alone. I pleaded with her mom if there's any good in her at all, please stop, but knowing that there is likely no good in her. I am having to work, literally, with the spirits in hell, with her mother, with God, and with this sensitive, scared little girl who has been ignored her entire life. It's no wonder Dark Asreal split.

    I want to shatter it. This is a society of cowards. As has been said, Hard men make good times, good times make weak men, weak men make hard times, hard times make hard men. But, less so (More so) is the mission of true love. I don't have to embark on it alone, someone has joined my side. Thank you.

    I asked little Asrael if she wanted to read these letters with me and I felt her climb up through my arms to read them. I asked God, is this really happening? God said, believe it is. (If it isn't, maybe she will actually see my hope, and fulfill it, right?)

    Presently I am in too much pain in any position I am in, and I am probably going to walk my dog.

    Thank you for investing the time you are investing, I am truly grateful from the bottom of my heart.
     
    Last edited: Mar 31, 2021
  16. stranger

    stranger wolfwing, a feral angel

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    You seek to win her heart, this is a beautiful thing. Yes, you, I are being made worthy of her/those we are sent to protect. We are a spectacle to both good and fallen angels. Was it not so with Job also? Sigh, such a good book, so little understood.

    Yes, no one can hurt us like those to whom we have given our heart. They hold our heart in their hands. They squeeze, we writhe in anguish. They treat it roughly, we are tossed about and broken like puppets. But we don't want it back. We have given it and that is forever, come what may.

    This is the agony of the warrior. He's lost his heart and is now helpless. Remember though, he will never lose his dignity, his wildness, his freedom. He will always be at the still point. I'm just saying, be careful with warriors, not because they would do ever do any harm to their beloveds but because they will allow nothing to steal their integrity and dignity. This is the Mighty One's protection of them. The Mighty One will sometimes have it, "Honor him". Although he is given little visible support, he has this. And really, this is not a threat to his beloved, but a good thing for her. Yes, I'm sure of it.

    Beautifully said, perfect.

    Very glad it's temporary/that all things will be reconciled.

    Yes, all has been arranged. :) Glad you are still standing. We warriors can get awfully close to the edge sometimes, but we just become stronger. That particular attack will not work again now. Hope you can get some rest, and just let me say again how privileged I feel to be a part of this battle and to be alongside you, my brother in arms.
     
  17. stranger

    stranger wolfwing, a feral angel

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    Just wanted you to know that I got your last reply and was blessed by it. Hope to reply some more tomorrow (if I am not called into duty at the last moment). :(
     
  18. Cino

    Cino Big Love! (Atheist mystic) Staff Member

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    Hello @tundrawolf, by the looks of it you are engaging in some intense process there.

    Do you have some local support where you are, real life people you can be with and who will listen?

    Please tone down the posts here. (moderator speaking).
     
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  19. tundrawolf

    tundrawolf New Member

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    Okay so an atheist has removed my post about "Little girl" because it "Might trigger" someone. This is supposedly an interfaith place where we can talk about mystical things, however, apparently we're not really supposed to go that deep. Oopsie! She accused me of abusing my dog by not taking her to the dog park and told me to get back to work! Oh, and I am bipolar so I must be a wreck. Wow, how in the nonexistent hell did this person seek, or was even given this job?

    Sorry, but I won't be stifled. If the administration doesn't want me here, I will leave and find somewhere where I can describe the things I am seeing and experiencing without having to worry about triggering people.

    She wants me to "Tone it down" okay, I'll just leave the single most important thing that's happened yet- out. Luckily I SAVED the post before they removed it.

    Stranger, we should exchange emails i case this place isn't as free as they want us to believe.

    And yes, I am outraged. Absolutely 100% outraged.
     
  20. tundrawolf

    tundrawolf New Member

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    Stranger my email is wolfmangk at gmail. Please get a hold of me if you can, it won't let me send you a PM.

    So tell me just how much of my spiritual experience I am supposed to stifle, and leave out? As far as I know even mentioning hell can trigger people. I left out the gore because it's traumatic and likely violates the rules, not everyone wants to see that, but stifling Asrael's little girl? A scared little girl? One I am comforting? Really? Do you not see why you absolutely should not be here? As a moderator? I wonder how many people like you called Paul and the others crazy. Or told Muhammed he was nuts. Sorry but you are the Karen of the spirit realm. I don't mean to attack personally but I am outraged. And you just murdered one of the most beautiful things about my journey.

    Please, someone tell me where I can go with this so people who have the guts to journey with me can follow me.

    I will be contacting a moderator. If they ban me before I can reply, I'll begin the journey somewhere else and re-post what I've written here.

    I will likely be dusting the dirt from my sandals and moving on. Thanks. I appreciate the prayers.
     

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