Delusion

Discussion in 'Belief and Spirituality' started by Ella S., Apr 27, 2022.

  1. Ella S.

    Ella S. Utilitarian Logician

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    TW: Psychosis

    Continued from here:
    https://www.interfaith.org/community/threads/20137/page-4


    I have some unique insight on this topic. I was delusional once.

    When my psychiatrist was trying a variety of different medications for me and before my current diagnosis was finalized, we looked into whether I suffered from psychotic depression. I didn't have any of the positive symptoms like delusions or hallucinations, though, only negative ones like apathy, social withdrawal, and reduced affect.

    For a few months, I was put on an anti-psychotic. This particular drug had an uncommon side-effect; it could sometimes produce psychosis in those who did not already experience it. That's exactly what happened to me.

    Psychosis is nothing like I thought it would be. In movies, you often see people hallucinate that they're in completely different places, sometimes switching between places and all of them seeming incredibly real. This is not accurate to my experiences.

    For me, psychosis was basically the exact opposite. Real-life started to feel less real. I began to doubt my own memories of past events and whether they were from dreams or not. While I was awake, I wasn't sure whether I was still dreaming. I would get lost in daydreams and I couldn't tell whether the daydream was real life or whether reality was real life.

    When I "heard voices" it wasn't like I could hear them audibly. I heard them in my head. I just couldn't tell that they were imaginary because the sounds I heard "in my ears" also felt imaginary. Sometimes the voices felt even more real than real life.

    There was this big problem where I would recognize patterns in things and then creatively think or joke about random explanations for those patterns. For instance, every third step in my school was a different color, probably a design choice. To me, though, that pattern seemed so obviously something else. I thought it might be some sort of occult symbolism used to ward demons away and I was afraid that it would think I was evil and that it would burn me up if I touched it, so I skipped the steps when walking up the stairwells.

    At the time, this wasn't a full-on delusion. I wasn't really sure if that was true or not. I just didn't want to risk it. Of course, underneath that was my emotional reasoning; I felt guilty and so I imagined the world was going to punish me. Being psychotic just turned that overwhelming feeling into a paranoid delusion that felt more real to me than real life.

    I'm very thankful that I could experience psychosis because I can say for sure now that I'm not psychotic. It isn't a state of mind that I'm still in. We took me off that medication and I recovered. Unfortunately, for many people, they can't just be taken off their meds and no longer be psychotic. It's a constant state for them and they don't have a non-psychotic state of mind to compare themselves to, making it easy for them to think that they're normal because, to them, that state of mind is normal.

    So I think we should be very careful when we label people who are just stubbornly holding onto beliefs that we think are incorrect "delusional." Real delusions are very different.
     
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  2. Cino

    Cino Big Love! (Atheist mystic) Admin

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    Thank you for the insights.
     
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  3. wil

    wil UNeyeR1 Moderator

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    When I was brought out of the coma between the drugs, lights on 24 hours.and being woke for.tests every few hours I developed ICU delusions...

    Hallucinations.of bugs on my arms or bed (I mean thousands of.them). One time I asked.if.they wall papered my room, it was all covered with a flowing calligraphy in a foreign language. Another time I watched a.gnome.crawl out the brick work. He turned and grinned.at me and then flew away.

    You are correct in all these hallucinations I was in the same room, same body just some added things like an augmented reality.
     
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  4. Ella S.

    Ella S. Utilitarian Logician

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    That's the way shrooms are for me if I take a bit too much, but it's the opposite of what I experienced in psychosis. While I was psychotic, the hallucinations didn't look real. Real-life looked imaginary. So it became hard to tell what was a hallucination and what wasn't.

    ETA: And this should be distinguished from derealization, which I do still suffer from thanks to my C-PTSD. Under derealization, I can still tell whether imaginary things are part of the same "stuff" as reality. I can still distinguish between what is a dream and what is real.

    It's just that reality feels dreamlike. I'm aware that it isn't a dream. It just feels like one. It's a similar sensation, but under psychosis I wasn't sure whether real-life is a dream or not.
     
    Last edited: May 2, 2022
  5. wil

    wil UNeyeR1 Moderator

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    I would ask my family if they saw it too. Once I confirmed it was a hallucination I quit worrying and started describing to them what I saw.
     
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  6. powessy

    powessy Well-Known Member

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    I have only experienced an hallucination with eyes open only once. The person was half cat and half human, she ran up in front of me and looked into my eyes, and then vanished.

    Eyes closed, and in meditation this would and is a whole other story. I can see and interact with the mechanism/minds that generate these experiences. These minds can generate music and images that make sense to us and things that don’t.

    The only problem about this is trying to figure out which minds they are teaching, neurons or mitochondria. I do not do drugs but have talked to many who have trying to figure this out. I do believe that drugs find time differently then not taking them, the experiences seem to be completely different. It would be interesting to talk to those who take antipsychotic medications to try to understand the things they still experience.

    I would lean about 85% towards mitochondria teaching us these experiences. I watched a video today on micro luminescent bacteria. These bacteria communicate through chemical transference that may increase more why we sleep. This would also make sense why people that take antipsychotic drugs stop having experiences because the drugs interrupt there ability to communicate.

    Just interesting thoughts about thoughts

    Powessy
     
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  7. powessy

    powessy Well-Known Member

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    I Thought this was an interesting video, hope you do not mind me posting it here.



    Powessy
     
  8. Ella S.

    Ella S. Utilitarian Logician

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    Not at all
     
  9. Namaste Jesus

    Namaste Jesus Praise the Lord and Enjoy the Chai Moderator

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    Hard to tell the difference sometimes. In that realm dreams have always fascinated me. Real, imagined, delusional imagery...? Don't know, but some of mine have come to light. Had this one dream about 12 or so years ago. Another of our cats had passed some months prior and I missed him terribly. I was contemplating getting another as I drifted off to sleep one night. Well, the cat we had lost appeared to me in a dream as a cow with the exact same markings our cat had! Funny too, because though he was now a cow, he still behaved like a cat, rolling around and licking himself!

    Anyway, in the dream I asked him if I should get another cat. He said no, wait for alley cat. I woke up after that feeling rather content, but with no idea what that was supposed to mean. About a week later though, someone literally abandons a tuxedo main coon kitty in a crate on our front stoop! I brought the poor fellow in, still not making the connection. He looked a bit scared and hungry and I remembered we still had a bag of kibble left over from the cat we had lost. so I went to retrieve it.

    When I opened the cupboard door you could have knocked me over with a feather! The brand of cat food was "Alley Cat" who's mascot is a black and white kitty. I literally stood there and cried. So delusion, coincidence, communication from beyond or unspoken prayer answered? Matters not to me. All I know is I'm so thankful our Jackie came into our lives and is still with us. :)
     
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  10. RJM

    RJM God Feeds the Ravens Admin

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    Wonderful!
     

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