Under Pressure!

[lunamoth]

Wow, I'm having school and teacher anxiety again. I just got the list of things my daughter is supposed to be able to do by the end of the school year, in seven weeks, and I'm aghast! And this is after we've stepped up on her homework to help her with reading, spending extra time every day with flashcards and reading. Now she has a research project due next month and there's a whole level of math requirement I did not even realize she had. Making more flashcards this afternoon and soon to get on the internet together for the research.

The funny thing is that when I think about the whole thing I feel a tightness in my chest, a shortness of breath, my pulse quickens. Even though I might have even qualified as a professional student there for a while during my grad school days, I've always had a bit of anxiety about school and tests. Now I see that I will relive the whole thing again as my girls go through it. It doesn't help that I recently read (OK, it was just a blog, but it was written by a teacher...) about the typically adversary relationship between parents and teachers. Yikes! I thought we were suppposed to be working together! But apparently teachers tend to have little respect for parents... .

I can't believe the homework assigned, and she would never be able to handle it without my guidance. No, I don't do the work for her, but she simply does not have the skills yet to stay on top of this herself.

Did I mention she's in kindergarten?

lunamoth

 

[China Cat Sunflower]

This whole smart babies thing has gone way too far IMO. I thought kindergarten was for finger painting and learning to get along with other kids. I didn't even go to kindergarten, as a matter of fact I didn't even know how to write my letters when I started first grade--and it didn't hurt me a bit. Kids should be having fun, not learning calculas when they're two.

Chris

2c

 

[iBrian]

It's like that here, too - much worst in England than in Scotland, though. The UK government has turned education into a bean-counting exercise, so all the little kiddies need to be bean-counted in everything. It's pretty sad, really. Much more laid back in Scotland, though - less emphasis on counting beans as much as just getting on with teaching an education.

 

[Thomas]

I'm with Chris and Brian -

Actually I did see a paper once that held that 'hothouse' kids had a better education, but a restricted imagination and thus a lack of creativity. I'm sure future generations will look at all this early attention as a really bad thing...

The issue is with trying to quantify childhood - you can't market 'imagination' or 'play' so there's no money in it.

When my 3 daughters (2x19, 1x15) entered the school system I wanted them to achieve, by half way through I was more concerned they came out as rounded and undamaged people, regardless of their qualifications.

Lunamoth, I've just reread your post:
And this is after we've stepped up on her homework to help her with reading, spending extra time every day with flashcards and reading. Now she has a research project due next month and there's a whole level of math requirement I did not even realize she had. Making more flashcards this afternoon and soon to get on the internet together for the research.

then

Did I mention she's in kindergarten?

You are joking, right?

My advice - scrap the math, the reading, the homework ... scrap the lot - as much as the system will allow.

Let them play.

Read to them at bedtime (YOU read to them).

Talk to them ... spend time with them ... but do not occupy their every waking minute - they'll never learn to make the world for themselves ...

... Boredom is a valuable life lesson ...

I didn't read til I was 8. Why? Cos nothing they showed me interested me. My mum (an avid reader) was distraught, and took to dragging me along to the library. There I discovered Greek mythology ... and the world changed overnight.

My 3 kids? I'm told the 15yo will succeed at whatever she decides to do, one of her big sisters is expert in Sign language to such a degree that deaf people assume she's deaf also - she's now working with deaf-blind and wants to work with deaf-blind children (I stand in awe of her courage and commitment). The other is doing a creative arts degree and has been asked to review books for an internet site.

The 19yo's are chalk and cheese, and yet were exposed to precisely the same influences ... You can't 'make' kids ... they are who they are ...

We are lucky with ours - And all we did was read kids books to them, and taught them to dream, to wonder, to play. They remember all the bedtime songs we made up ... and that Cornflake-type breakfast cereal is made by the scab faeries ... (you would not believe some of the disgusting meals we dreamt up before sleep)

Thomas

 

[seattlegal]

Wow, I'm having school and teacher anxiety again. I just got the list of things my daughter is supposed to be able to do by the end of the school year, in seven weeks, and I'm aghast! And this is after we've stepped up on her homework to help her with reading, spending extra time every day with flashcards and reading. Now she has a research project due next month and there's a whole level of math requirement I did not even realize she had. Making more flashcards this afternoon and soon to get on the internet together for the research.

Hmm, sound like research into cookie (-or other yummy food-) making might be in order--it was the fastest, funnest way for me to learn math, reading, following directions, and creative expression at that age! Don't sweat it, Lunamoth, kids learn much more by doing fun things at that age than through any "formal study program." Anyone who tries to tell you differently is just trying to hedge both the children and the parents in, IMHO. Be free, be creative, have fun, and enjoy the wonderous things you and your daughter can come up with together. (I still chuckle when my son suggested we make French Toast on the waffle iron when he was that age--it's till a favorite to this day!)

 

[lunamoth]

Hi All, Thank you all for the advice and moral support. I agree with all you say! And no Thomas, it is not a joke. At the teacher-parent conference her teacher showed me the reading level she was supposed to be at and it nearly floored me! Like you and Chris above, I know I was not reading at that level in K-garten. I'm now thanking God that I had her in preschool for a couple days a week in the two years before K-garten--she got the social skills and learning the ropes of a school atmosphere so the adjustment to k-garten was not so hard.

I wish I could throw out the flash cards but she is already tagged for a special reading program going into first grade. Not to make excuses, but she is on the young end of her class due to her summer birthday (most of the kids are now six, she will not be six until June), and with her being adopted at almost a year old, that lack of stimulation her first year certainly gave her a disadvantage. But, the upside is that she loves books and reading, it is just about her favorite thing to do. And she is making fast progress now that we are working harder at it.

As Brian says, it is a bean-counting thing. Every kid needs to fit into the box, and special help is given esp at this early stage to make sure "no child is left behind." (Those in the US will know what I mean). It sounds like a great thing, until you realize that your child is going to be pushed to meet the bar at the school's pace, not hers.

Seattlegal, she loves to cook too, and we do crafts and she is great at checkers. Great suggestions. I hate flashcards.

cheers,
lunamoth

 

[InLove]

Hey, My Friend!

Have you submitted her application to Harvard yet?

I totally understand your anxiety. I can only tell you what I did about the whole thing. When my youngest daughter was in high school, I finally experienced the last straw: In the days after "911", I discovered the lack of concern for my daughter's well-being at her school, as well as the same lack of understanding of family. She hid in a bathroom with a borrowed contraband cell phone and expressed her terror to me. The officials there lied to me, telling me that no parents had called and all the kids were calm. When I decided to go see for myself, I found a line of parents there, trying to bring their children home--just because. I also found out that my high school aged woman wanted very much to learn from home, something she had known for a long time, but did not want to bother me about. So that is what we did, even though I did not know if we could do it. (We were not, by the way, inclined to join in the national politics of that whole issue, which seemed to require us to align ourselves with specific political parties and replacement "curriculums").

Okay, so she is not going to Harvard. However, she is a bright young woman who qualifies for many private universities, and is pursuing a career as a nutritionist, while working at a bank and raising her 2-year-old son. I'd say we did just fine!

Don't fret it--and remember that 90% of the reason that teachers and parents are often at odds is because both are stressed due to all the requirements.

Love Ya!

InPeace,
InLove

 

[lunamoth]

Hey, My Friend!

Have you submitted her application to Harvard yet?

I totally understand your anxiety. I can only tell you what I did about the whole thing. When my youngest daughter was in high school, I finally experienced the last straw: In the days after "911", I discovered the lack of concern for my daughter's well-being at her school, as well as the same lack of understanding of family. She hid in a bathroom with a borrowed contraband cell phone and expressed her terror to me. The officials there lied to me, telling me that no parents had called and all the kids were calm. When I decided to go see for myself, I found a line of parents there, trying to bring their children home--just because. I also found out that my high school aged woman wanted very much to learn from home, something she had known for a long time, but did not want to bother me about. So that is what we did, even though I did not know if we could do it. (We were not, by the way, inclined to join in the national politics of that whole issue, which seemed to require us to align ourselves with specific political parties and replacement "curriculums").

Okay, so she is not going to Harvard. However, she is a bright young woman who qualifies for many private universities, and is pursuing a career as a nutritionist, while working at a bank and raising her 2-year-old son. I'd say we did just fine!

Don't fret it--and remember that 90% of the reason that teachers and parents are often at odds is because both are stressed due to all the requirements.

Love Ya!

InPeace,
InLove

Hi InLove, So great to see you posting.

Thank you for the uplifting words. I keep toying with the idea of going back to work when my little one gets to school age, but I am now thinking that they may need me just as much as they get older as they do now! As for home school all I can say is more power to you for doing that.

If my daughter was of a different personality I would consider homeschooling because I think it would be a good alternative. But, we already have control issues with this one and it's better for us to not have any more things to battle about. It's enough that I do the discipline thing as a parent and then get to spend the rest of my energy just loving her. It would not be good for us, I think, if I had the added 'authority' role of being her teacher too. But, whe is maturing rapidly, so you never know.

Your daughter sounds like a treasure! Hugs to you and yours,

lunamoth

 

[lunamoth]

Don't fret it--and remember that 90% of the reason that teachers and parents are often at odds is because both are stressed due to all the requirements.

Love Ya!

InPeace,
InLove

So true. I very much want to be working with the teachers, not against them.

BTW, be sure to visit my "What color is your..." thread in comparative.

cheers,
Laurie

 

[InLove]

Hi again!

I just wanted to stop in and say that home schooling is not the answer for every situation--you are so right about that. It was not easy for us, and I still wonder if we might have done some things better. There are many different ways of learning and knowing, and they all work together in this world. I have experienced various ways, both for myself and with my kids, and what works is what works for each situation. And I do tend to run against the wind sometimes when it is not really necessary. It sounds like you have found what works for you with your daughter. I just don't want you to feel overwhelmed over requirements--you are an intelligent person, and I am sure that your children are awesome, so just don't you let those teachers forget it (in case they get snotty, okay?). Nothing against teachers at all--I are one.

I should apologize for the word "curriculums" and all my "dang participles" too, but I like them, so I keep them and pull them out every once in a while. Tee-hee...snicker...etc.

Hang in there! (Lifting y'all up to the heart of Love)

InPeace,
InLove

 

[Phyllis Sidhe_Uaine]

imho, "No Child Left Behind" = Steely Dan (and not the classic rock band!)

I remember when I was in sixth grade here in Milwaukee and had to do an oral report on a book I read over the summer (it was on The Andromeda Strain by Michael Crichton) and was accused by the teacher of doing a report on a movie I watched (my mother was rather at that.) I helped this one youg lady in the "smart" kids with her homework concerning Kipling's Riki Tiki Tavi, and I was considered a "stupid" student!

Two years later, I had to recite a poem I read before, and I had to recite four poems because the teacher didn't believe I had read any of Shakespeare's plays (I recited Hamlet's famous soliloquy, the death scene from Romeo and Juliet, Mark Antony's soliloquy from Julius Caeser, and one of Shakespeare's sonnets.) Both of my parents were called about this (both mom and dad told them that I read them for entertainment back when I was in third grade during a teachers' strike.)

My brother, on the other hand, is more science oriented, yet he flunked high school algebra.

Phyllis Sidhe_Uaine

 

[lunamoth]

Yup Phyllis, I can imagine that kind of injustice happening. Teachers can't help having preconceived notions about their students, and then when the evidence does not match the teacher's expectation, well, who's the one with the power? 'course not all teachers are like that, probably most are not (I hope). But my husband says the same kind of thing happened to him in high school. He is a very very bright guy, but you might say a tad unmotivated at the time (that has changed!) and more interested in extracurricular activities. Anyway, he did not really care when his grades dipped down into the Cs and Ds, but then a teacher said something that got him mad so he aced his next test out of spite, and next thing he knew he was being called down for cheating! He aced out the rest of the year in that class to spite the teacher.

lunamoth

 

[lunamoth]

Hi again!

I just wanted to stop in and say that home schooling is not the answer for every situation--you are so right about that. It was not easy for us, and I still wonder if we might have done some things better. There are many different ways of learning and knowing, and they all work together in this world. I have experienced various ways, both for myself and with my kids, and what works is what works for each situation. And I do tend to run against the wind sometimes when it is not really necessary. It sounds like you have found what works for you with your daughter. I just don't want you to feel overwhelmed over requirements--you are an intelligent person, and I am sure that your children are awesome, so just don't you let those teachers forget it (in case they get snotty, okay?). Nothing against teachers at all--I are one.

I should apologize for the word "curriculums" and all my "dang participles" too, but I like them, so I keep them and pull them out every once in a while. Tee-hee...snicker...etc.

Hang in there! (Lifting y'all up to the heart of Love)

InPeace,
InLove

Thank you InLove--your kind words are much appreciated.

peace,
lunamoth

 

[path_of_one]

My thoughts and prayers are with you, Luna. I have no kids yet, but hear all about all the NCLB problems because my mother is a teacher and working on her PhD in education and I have quite a few friends that are teachers as well. The sad thing is that most of the teachers I know hate the way the system is right now and feel their hands are tied and they can't really teach. They feel like they're under constant pressure to get kids prepared for tests rather than really educate them.

I see the opposite end of this when I teach freshman level courses in university. Most people are coming into college entirely unprepared. All they've learned to do is copy notes off an overhead, memorize stuff, and regurgitate it on multiple choice tests. Not suprisingly, many don't do well when we ask them to critically think, write essays, and do research, much less take notes from us just lecturing (without overheads) for hours. They lack time and money management skills, basic study skills, basic writing skills. I have 18/19 year olds in four year universities who can't write a 5 paragraph essay. It worries me. What worries me more is that many can't think. They just accept whatever the teacher says as right/true. They have not learned to challenge authority and do not look at everything with a critical eye. Our public education systems are training kids to be totally passive about learning and decision-making- very worrying in a democracy.

At any rate, I hope when I have kids I'll be able to home school or pay for private education to avoid these fights. Many good parents I know are involved in various fights with their schools right now. Both my mother and my sister, both with degrees in Early Childhood Education, would agree with you, Luna- that children who are in Kindergarten mostly need to be taught social skills and that school is FUN! Kids need to find that learning and exploring is exciting and enjoyable, or it becomes an uphill battle to get them to be self-motivated in education. Unfortunately, with the greater and greater emphasis on tests, tests, tests... and the lack of funding for the field trips, science experiments, arts, etc. it's becoming all about english and math all the time. We need to remember there are at least eight different types of intelligence, and english and math only address two.

At any rate, my heart goes out to you Luna- hang in there! Sorry for the rant... it's a subject near and dear to my heart.

 

[lunamoth]

...children who are in Kindergarten mostly need to be taught social skills and that school is FUN!

"Ouch!" said the nail.

This is exactly it Path. More than anything I want my girls to have a positive first experience with school and find that school and learning are fun. Many of us start out that way and then have that feeling pounded out of us by the system. I know that all in all school lost all of it's allure for me by the time I was in jr. high school--did not get turned on again until college. Thank God for my sixth grade science teacher. Without that experience it might have been a total loss...

lunamoth