hugging, eye contact...

I'm interested in religious, social and local implications....

Me, I'm a hugger, have been for decades...

Mark Victor Hansen says three a day for maintenance, seven for growth.

Now since I'm a hugger I often end up in groups, locations where hugging is acceptable...so I can get my seven a day...the heart to heart connection with another soul is valuable....plus handshaking spreads germs.

In my business relationships I don't always hug...but I am serioiusly working on replacing the business that doesn't allow/condone/encourage it.

I also like direct eye contact...gazing....listening intently...it bothers some...most grow into it.

I know some societies are more huggable than others. I think a lot of people miss that personal connection in their daily lives. I think we'd be a better world if we were all huggers....

A muslim woman at a recent retreat during a session says, "You people are very close. I find it disconcerting all this closeness, hugging, eye contact, discussing innermost thoughts to strangers. But I while it seems so foriegn and disconcerting, I am feeling I am learning to enjoy it."

thoughts?


I shake hands also eye contact is good..... On different levels..

If you are not a person that impresses me or a stranger I wouldn't physically make any contact at all... No handshakes.. Doubtful to get eye to eye contact with me either. My eyes would wander upons other things, deeming them more interesting then the person infront of me.

If you are someone I know, then a handshake would suffice...

Someone I respect, a firm hard hand shake and constant eye contact.

Then there is also "two handed" hand shakes they are reserved for very special people :D

The only person I hug is my wife. That video did not make me want to hug people... I felt an odd feeling of "disgust" at the people hugging... Don't ask why... no idea. I am just saying how I feel lol... And before hand I felt "pity" for the hippy who couldn't get anyone to hug him... I felt like, it was in my power to "put him out" of his misery... If I was there maybe, I would have felt it a duty to put him out of that misery.
 
if you, a stranger, come up to me and hug me, dependant on the situation I would either- knee you in the nether regions or quickly extricate myself in some other manner, stamping on toes, elbows in ribs, fingers in eyes, kirby kiss, etc, etc... why on earth would you want to go round hugging people? People stink, or havent you noticed? of BO, ****, food, general grime and slime... the hippies are the worst of all- lentil bake breath that would strip paint, freerange egg stains upon their bodies... why hug me? u either want to- intimidate me with ur physical presence, u want to make love to me, u are mentally unstable or have a developmental disability of some desciption or are on E, in some dark dismal club... Obviously, I am not such a sociopath that I do not make eye contact with ppl- after all, we rely on the other person's microgestures to infer whether they are being sincere, for instance..

I have started saving to go and relocate in japan, were ppl are more respectful of the boundaries of others... in theory, at least..
 
I recall someone doing a serious research project on the "social distance" of the different European countries - the 'comfortable' distance between two people in a conversation. It was quite funny - the French stand a good few inches 'too close' for English comfortability, things like that.

What it did highlight was tensions set up unintentionally but not understanding the 'rules'.

Personally I hug and kiss both male and female friends, the former only a very few, because most of them are not happy with it. I have a couple of asperges syndrome friends who recoil at my approach when we meet at parties, etc. I have read enough history to know hugging and kissing is a social pattern, so dumped most of the baggage our post-victorian ethos clings on to.

The funny thing is, some people I hug 'straight off' as it were, whereas others, a sister in law I have known for over twenty years for example, we never hug/kiss at all.

What I really enjoy however, is a good handshake with eye contact. Not knuckle-breaking stuff, but a strong grip, somehow conveys more, for me, than a hug or a kiss...

Thomas
 
yo and flow....

Tree huggin is ok, takes a while to get your breath coordinated though. Pine trees while occasionally sticky are great, the needles are like antenae suckin out what ails ya and enfusin you with the ethers...other trees are fine, I'm just partial to pine.

Contra dances, Dances for Univesal Peace...great places to connect with people...

Need to hug with your back to the tree to get the best energy swap.
 
I guess my boyfriend is the only person I hug "properly," although I will occasionally give one-armed hugs to my parents, my sister and a few very close friends.

I'm not comfortable hugging strangers, I guess.
 
What I really enjoy however, is a good handshake with eye contact. Not knuckle-breaking stuff, but a strong grip, somehow conveys more, for me, than a hug or a kiss...
Oh you are quite right there, exponentially more germs are passed by a handshake than a hug or kiss. If we did away completely with handshakes in society and only hugged and/or kissed we could reduce colds and flus dramatically.

Need to hug with your back to the tree to get the best energy swap.
never heard that one...the trees I like to hug I'd have a hard time getting my arms around backwards... pine trees we are not looking for a swap but release....
 
I have a couple of asperges syndrome friends who recoil at my approach when we meet at parties, etc.
I can confirm that. My son has asberger's and he can't look into anyone's eyes, even mine. He's also afraid of other people's breath.

But it's true - the English are very reserved. But oddly, maybe with the exception of Liverpool, the further North you go the less reserved the people. When hugging came into vogue as a Sign of the Peace at church, we all sort of ritualised it, and grimaced our way through it. But for myself, I miss it. I would hug my good friends if I could - at least the female ones. I still couldn't get over my irrational fear of seeming gay.

Anyone heard of "cuddle parties"?
 
With me it's usually a handshake, a touching of shoulders, and a peck on the cheek if appropriate. That's the really good friends. Families are for hugs.

Thomas...did you read about Dick Cheney's handshake phobia ? It seems that he habitually uses disinfectant on his hands when he knows he'll be with the commoners.

No Cav. With me it's pretty well defined who gets and gives hugs. That's just one of the things that changes as one gets older.There's less spontaneity. But sometimes complete strangers might hug me after we've had a conversation. That's a wondrous experience for an oldster.

Sure do like your new pic.

flow....:cool:
 
No Cav. With me it's pretty well defined who gets and gives hugs. That's just one of the things that changes as one gets older.There's less spontaneity. But sometimes complete strangers might hug me after we've had a conversation. That's a wondrous experience for an oldster.

Sure do like your new pic.

flow....:cool:
Thanks:)
 
Any non-huggers been made to feel inferior?
I surely hope not, and if so hope maybe you'll switch sides.
Flow said:
But sometimes complete strangers might hug me after we've had a conversation.
This is always interesting, especially when afterword they indicate they don't usually hug. Of course I'm often on the other side of this one.
VC said:
I would hug my good friends if I could - at least the female ones. I still couldn't get over my irrational fear of seeming gay.
I remember that issue, and I know the feeling of hugging someone who is concerned about that issue. lol if you really want to know how to get over it, hug gays! I'm serious, I think that was a big hurdle for me. I had no issue hugging male friends I was close to, but hugging male friends I didn't know...that irrational (some may say rational) fear you mentioned...but want that irrational fear to really crop up it is when a straight guy hugs a gay guy! Or maybe that was just an issue that I had... Sometimes this place is like therapy.... or what I think therapy might be like...the closest I've ever got to the couch is Bob Newhart.
 
Nope, nothing can make me feel inferior... Because I am not. :D
I love that you've just written that, seriously when I was writing that post I thought to myself that I should an extra sentence just for you.
It would have read something like,

Any non-huggers been made to feel inferior?
17th, I guess it would be impossible for you to feel inferior, have you ever felt that a hugger has seen you as inferior?


Anyway, good for you, too many people feel inferior.
 
I love that you've just written that, seriously when I was writing that post I thought to myself that I should an extra sentence just for you.
It would have read something like,

Any non-huggers been made to feel inferior?
17th, I guess it would be impossible for you to feel inferior, have you ever felt that a hugger has seen you as inferior?


Anyway, good for you, too many people feel inferior.


lol a speical comment just for lil old me? Hmmm You're starting to know me a lil too well... *signals to the sniper*

Yup I think people should never feel inferior.. Be strong, confident and stand your ground. To feel inferior... That I would imagine would be kind of "sickly" and make you feel real bad about yourself, that shouldn't be.

-edit-
Has a hugger ever seen me as inferior, no idea they have never said that to my face... But people always see someone else as inferior.. So I guess perhaps they have just have never said.... I think they would say I am inferior when it comes to showing love and emotions and I am as deep as a puddle... *shruggs* Maybe.
 
Back
Top