humour posts

Dollar ministry

The Baptist missionary from California was evangelizing backward peasants in a rural district of Central America.


"God is our Father, Jesus saved us from sin; we are now all brothers in Jesus. You and I, we are all brothers."

One of the men in the audience, more outspoken than thre rest, asked the missionary:

"You are our brother? We are all brothers?"

"Yes, I am your brother, we are all brothers under God the Father, in Jesus Christ His son our Savior."

The outspoken peasant then called out to the missionary:

You are my brother, give me dollars!


Susma Rio Sep
 
This afternoon I went to the local park to meditate. I walked along the river a bit to find the right spot that I thought would be fairly secluded. There were a few people hanging around here and there, so I kept walking until I got to a place that I'd passed through a few times and thought was pretty unfrequented. I sat down on a high bank in front of the river, not really noticing or caring that there was a road about twenty feet away.
The ground was kind of damp, but it was okay. After about ten minutes I was settlling in and concentrating my mind. Every so often I would hear cars or trucks go by. As one of these trucks passed, a good ol' boy must have seen me sitting there just doing nothing. A drawling voice passed by with the car, "Catch anything yet?"
 
Bananas With Sugar

A man was visiting a mental hospital and was eating breakfast among the patients there. As he was eating, his eye was caught by the unusual behavior one particular fellow who peeled a banana, put sugar on it, then threw it over his shoulder. The man continued to watch as this fellow reached for another banana, peeled it, put sugar on it, and again threw it over his shoulder. The man shook his head and tried to go back to eating his own meal, but his attention was once again caught by the strange behavior of the patient--again, peeling the banana, sugaring the banana, throwing the banana over the shoulder. Finally, the man visiting was compelled to get up and approach the patient. "Excuse me," he said, "But I can't help but notice that you've repeatedly been peeling bananas, putting sugar on them, and then throwing them over your shoulder." He pointed to the small pile of bananas behind the banana-thrower. "May I ask why you're doing this?" he asked the banana-thrower.
The banana-thrower replied, "I don't like bananas with sugar."
 
Spiritual detachment

The preacher was talking on and on about spiritual detachment.

Then everyone heard the wailing sirens of fire trucks in the streets outside.

"Be not alarmed, be not dismayed; let those who possess homes act as though they own nothing. We have no lasting city in this world", the preacher exhorted the congregation which was evidently worried.

At this moment, his son rushed in from outside and went to the pulpit, whispering something in his ear.

"Praise the Lord, my son just told me to go help my wife, our house is burning down. I have to leave now; it's God's will, please contribute generously for our new home. And we will have special collections for the following Sundays", he disclosed to the audience.

As he reached the door, another child rushed to him, saying: "Dad, it's not our house burning down, but the neighbor's, and the fire has been put out."

So the preacher returned to the pulpit, this time addressing his congreation thus:

"God's will be done, now we can have that long overdue remodelling and enlargement of our home; please do not forget to give generously, and we will continue with the special collections the coming Sundays."


Susma Rio Sep

PS: All's well that ends well, withal spiritual detachment.
 
I wish I was the kind of person, my dog thinks I am.
 
When considering getting married, I ask myself: Is this REALLY the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?
 
Religion and alcohol

The old Rotarian was a Catholic way back in childhood. In a funeral Mass of an old confrere, an altar boy was being sought to serve the priest celebrant. So they pushed the guy forward.

"Padre, just tell me when to serve the drinks, OK?" He reminded the father.

"Later, later, after Mass.... Oh, you mean the wine and water?" the priest replied to him with an inquiring eye.[/i]

Susma Rio Sep
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top