Saudi Marriage 'Expert' Advises Men in 'Right Way' to Beat Their Wives

Discussion in 'Islam' started by wil, Nov 2, 2007.

  1. Quahom1

    Quahom1 What was the question?

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    Men, when women are at fault for a failing relationship and nothing is working to resolve it..WALK AWAY.

    If you are at fault MEN, and you refuse to change, then WOMEN, walk away.

    Women...same thing, vise versa, etc,...

    If kids are involved, then you both are screwed because you just involved innocent lives, into your crap. And for their sakes, you best work out a deal that gives them the best of a comprimised situation...

    But that doesn't let anyone off the hook, male or female.

    As for me, there will never be a next time a woman takes a frying pan to my head while "I" am over the stove making supper, because "She" didn't like what I said...

    I'm sure she would not like my retalitory response, should I choose to enact it...
     
  2. Saltmeister

    Saltmeister The Dangerous Dinner

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    Ok yes I have to admit this is the man in my argument.:D Let's stick with straw men for now. Not real men.

    But first let me say this. I'm not try to find faults in anyone. What I would like to say is that we are all victims here. You're a victim because you're with a man you can't understand. He does things for no good reason. He doesn't tell you why, and doesn't express himself enough to tell you why. The trouble is, not all of his true feelings are "in the foreground." Whatever he says, even if he tries to answer your question, he won't try to give you the most accurate answer. There's always a "deeper truth" to what he says.

    What a man does makes sense to a man, particularly the mates with whom he spends time at the pub. They are the ones that actually know him. You don't know him. He doesn't reveal his inner self to you. He doesn't want you to know. He doesn't know what you'll think of him. If he's been bashing you up for the last ten years he certainly won't know what to expect.:eek: What? All of a sudden you concede after ten years of maintaining you're right? From now on you could be set to lose out of every fight/conflict you've had with that woman. She's going to use that against you from now on. She's not going to give you any peace. You admitted you were wrong. You've been wrong for the last ten years.

    Men have a persecution complex. They're paranoid. They're surrounded by adversaries from all four corners. From our point of view, we're victims too, attacked by adversaries we never provoked. So we look for allies. The guys at the pub. Yeah. We feel "attacked" when we feel misunderstood. We're misunderstood because we don't express ourselves. We don't express ourselves because the information we give might be used against us by all the dragons and demons out there in the world. Life is a war. A man is a beast, a beast that has feelings he doesn't readily express, who goes into life fighting. Every encounter is a battle. Romance is a break when we go home and leave the war behind. But then things turn ugly when we're confronted in our own house. Home sweet home becomes home sour home. The woman who has cared for him all of a sudden because one of the dragons and demons he's been fighting all his life. She becomes poison to him. Yet, she could also have been so nice to him that it makes him feel attached, which makes the poison all the more potent.:eek:

    Bad behaviour and/or conflict and fighting happens because . . . we don't feel loved.

    Whether it's a man or woman, it takes a sweet person to make someone feel loved. A woman that's sweet makes a man feel safe (so he can leave the war behind) and likewise for a woman.

    It's hard to be sweet people. It's easy to be OK people, but not easy to be sweet. That's why there are so many fights in this world. Most people are just OK people.

    So . . . you get stuck in a relationship that you both now realise (you and him), you went into for the wrong reasons. You feel that way, he feels that way. You know what you want. You want out. He doesn't know what he wants. He hasn't worked that out yet. So he's going to fight to keep you. That's possibly going to require some threats. I don't think of myself as a monster, but maybe indeed men are naturally the more aggressive sex because we're not that good at resolving our emotional needs and problems.

    What can I say? A man is a beast. You're mistaken if you go into a relationship with a man and think he isn't a beast. He is. You never want to go into a relationship with man with a misunderstanding. Men don't like being misunderstood. Again, because he's a beast, he may not be nice to you if you're not nice to him. Sure, maybe we should express ourselves more, but because we are not women that isn't natural to us. Natural for women, not natural for men. We're very shy about revealing our true selves. It's like all the children's stories about all the big, scary beasts. They all have a soft side. Big, scary, hideous and frightening, but really kind if you treat them well. Yeah, we're just a different flavour of the same thing.:D

    With regards to abusive relationships, I suppose I shouldn't give you the wrong idea on that. We all want something in a relationship. Dependencies can be dangerous. Suppose you go into a relationship. You discover that you didn't get what you wanted. You want to break up. Alas, your partner does not want to break up. He/she needs you. A recipe for disaster!!!! I don't know how many relationships are between paranoid, possessive men and women that want out!!!:eek: I've heard of them, but I don't know how many exist. It must be driving those couples insane.

    Let me say this . . . dependent men are dangerous indeed. They are most likely to be violent. They're volatile and unstable.:eek: We're most dangerous when we feel threatened. Watch out for us. Sure, a lot of women want to help us. For those of us who are emotionally dependent, what I say is this: don't try and help us even if you think you can. We're going to be coming after you. Stay away from us. We're a living walking disease. Now you know who to avoid. Mankind is a dangerous race. Womankind should know better.
     
  3. Saltmeister

    Saltmeister The Dangerous Dinner

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    Sometimes walking away from a relationship isn't enough. Sometimes what you need is . . .

    . . . a restraining order!!!!

    Do not walk within a 1 km of that woman. Otherwise . . . you get a fine of $500, or whatever the amount the court gives.

    If you re-offend or are just too dangerous, you get put behind bars for a certain period.
     
  4. Quahom1

    Quahom1 What was the question?

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    I got a better one. Document everything (once the abuse is too much, since we often go way past day one of abuse thinking it will change). Then, ladies go buy two five pound workout dumbells (the kind used while walking or jogging, and strap to the hand). Wait until the dumb ass is stoned and asleep face up. Make sure the kids are with others and out of the house.

    Strap the dumbells on the hands, climb on the bed and straddle the face of the idiot about to get a lesson in hard knocks...fists parallel and pointing down at his face...LET GRAVITY TAKE OVER...

    Then walk out of the house and spend the night elsewhere. Next day, he will look like he went fifteen rounds with Joe Fraizer, but he won't look at you the same way again...

    And I suspect he'll back off on the drinking, because he won't want a repeat. Screwed up Males are funny about certain things. If they get their ass kicked by a woman, and she stands there ready to do it again, and they know she is capable and willing to go another round, they change...their head finally gets screwed on straight.

    The question is, is he worth all that trouble...?

    v/r

    Q
     
  5. Muslimwoman

    Muslimwoman Coexistence insha'Allah

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    Ain't that the truth. ;)

    Nah. :D
     
  6. greymare

    greymare Well-Known Member

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    NAH NAH, THIS IS ALL HISTORY TO ME. Iwas in it for eight years and have been away from it for 10 years. That is why I have opinions of my own. That is why I can express myself now without fear of being bashed. I can now because I finally took care of it myself and left. Just me, two kids and two stripey bags from the $2 shop full of their clothes. My life now is the best thing ever. I will never be scared of anyone again. I have faith in ME. Perhaps that is why I react the way I do to some male chest beaters. I have had to relax a little because I have after all had to bring up my boys. I didnt want them to suffer any more or to have a bad self image (being males). Dont get me wrong, I love men. (ok, perhaps that is too strong a word).you knnow what I mean. I must still carry a scar (mentally) from this but until this original post appeared I tho;ught I was doing well. (maybe I need therapy)???
    Im sorry salty, I had to zoom through much of your post again as I got a bit mad. You seem to still be concerned about the victim and in this case its the male. NO he is not . He is a violent alcoholic. A sociopath. All documented. He was right from the beginning, but he was also utterly gorgeous and had to body of a muscle man. Also he was very intelligent. So all these things appealed to me (I was 18 at the time). Beauty can be ugly. We are not victims. WE ARE SURVIVOURS.
     
  7. Saltmeister

    Saltmeister The Dangerous Dinner

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    I assure you I'm not one of those male chest beaters. I don't feel powerful at all. Being a predator isn't my thing. I was bullied in primary and high school. I have no intention of being one. Some men like power and influence. I don't. Desire for power and influence turns the world against you. I don't like being hated by the world. That makes me miserable. It makes me vulnerable. I've never bashed up a woman before, so I don't really know how it feels.:eek: I can only imagine what it's like. I've been hated enough times in my life to not want to create any enemies.

    What I said probably doesn't apply to the man who's been your enemy all these years.;) Since, as you said, he's smart, he sounds more like the predatorial type of man than the vulnerable type of man. Yet, it confounds me that a "smart" man would bash you up. There must certainly have been something wrong with his mind.:eek: He was intelligent, but probably not smart in the sense that he was insane.

    Obviously he was the kind of guy who likes power, influence and control. He wanted to control you. You wouldn't give him control. He didn't like that. It was part of his life's plan to have and to keep a beautiful woman. When it became clear you wouldn't give him that, he decided to get it by force. It was embarrassing and humiliating to lose you. He couldn't allow that.

    Sorry, grey. It turns out I'm not the same type as he is.:eek: I was talking about the "vulnerable type" not the "predatorial type." I don't know if a man who's emotionally vulnerable will actually bash up a woman. I was speculating there. It's probably the predatorial type that bashes up women. My previous post to you didn't make that distinction. At that point I wasn't categorising men into "predatorial" or "vulnerable." I guess I may have learnt something here.:D It was only just now that I had that insight.

    Yeah . . . some men need a woman to have pride. Their life depends on it. That's what makes them predators. They will actually kill or bash you up for it. Their pride depends so heavily on a woman they have to do it. lol. I think it makes sense now. The kind of man that caused you so much pain wasn't the kind I was talking about. He was a predator.

    If I am to have anything to do with a woman it'll only be to address my emotional needs and to make me less "vulnerable" emotionally. That, for me, would be the only reason to need or desire something feminine: I feel lonely.:eek: I wouldn't kill or bash someone up for it. I don't like creating enemies. I would rather give you a reason to be an ally/friend than to be an adversary.

    It's not that I don't have pride. Yes a man has to have pride and self-respect. It's a question of what kind of pride or self-respect. I'm not interested in impressing people by my ability to control or possess a woman. Pride for me is a private and personal thing. I have a career. I focus on that.

    The "vulnerable type" will probably still have mood swings and throw tantrums when something goes wrong in their lives. They just don't depend on women for their pride. You might get some (occasional) violence still . . . when they lose something important to them. But they're not going to bash you up because they're afraid of losing you.:D You're not that important to them, so they're less likely to bash you up. Ha ha yeah. They don't love you enough to bash you up.

    Gotta be careful of men who want to possess women in order to have pride. Possessive men love you too much. They're love you to bits.
     
  8. Quahom1

    Quahom1 What was the question?

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    "Victims" are helpless...you are apparently not. I was giving advice in general, to anyone that might be or may go through a similar situation. Strong men, don't need to force their strength on anyone. They don't even need to raise their voice. And they don't need to cut on others with words or deeds.

    Strong men, put family first, always and forever, 'till the day they die. Strong men, teach themselves to have the lightest touch, or else allow themselves to be taught such, which simply adds to their strength.

    That is what I aspire to be, though it might take me the rest of my life. It is a worthy goal to aspire to.

    v/r

    Q
     
  9. greymare

    greymare Well-Known Member

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    OK Salty, first ok, I accept that you were speculating about a different kind of person. ( I too have learnt something, I didnt know that kind of personality existed.) so, Im sorry if I went off the handle at your posts. Lets build a bridge and get over it OK? Ive put my past way bedhind me and I am a new and improved person. so lets be friends. K?

    Q, thanks for your kind thoughts and I know these qualities of REAL men are true and accurate. I am hope I have made progress with my boys enough to know that they are men in the true sense. and if they dont Ill send them here to get a good talking too. LOL.

    Anyway, I pity the next male to even TRY to hit me. (evil laugh, I have to get flowperson to do that for me, the laugh, not the retaliation). LOVE the Grey
     
  10. madeinrussia89

    madeinrussia89 Well-Known Member

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    I've got a question. Are wives allowed to " lightly beat " their husbands if they get out of line? Or do you just threaten to cut off sex and that is punishment enough?
     
  11. greymare

    greymare Well-Known Member

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    seriously, how could cutting out sex be seen as punishment. ???? They have hands, dont they??? LOL. Id love to lightly beat my ex with a toothpick. yes, I have thought about it. I mean a metal toothpick that wouldnt break. I am SO evil. LOL love the Grey. (i love men)
     
  12. madeinrussia89

    madeinrussia89 Well-Known Member

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    Ahahaha, yes, but that type (the type of guy that is going to act up) will DO ANYTHING for the real thing. They'll get bored with themselves and come crawling back, always.

    I'm still laughing at beating a wife with a peacock feather or a toothbrush, maybe shoving it down her throat like a gag so she can't nag you, now that is creative.
     
  13. greymare

    greymare Well-Known Member

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    to get on a darker note. I have had a toothbrush used against me. Its not a joke. He showed me how it can be sharpened toa point. I wont go any further on that. but a peacock feather. No. Ive had a stock whip, a cricket bat, 2 and 5 kg weights, a chair, the list is endless. but he was always sorry in the morning. (its ok, Im not saying this for pity) picture me here, drinking, laughing. i feel like lauging cos its a joke. the way i was. I say, to myself," im sorry, I was drunk, or, she meant nothing to me , I was drunk, etc" In a sick kind of way I find it funny now. Its like it was some one else. some pathetic loser, that I feel repulsed by. a victim. not a survivor. I have a friend who was in similar situation. nowadays we laugh at the stupid things we believed. its probably sick to some people but its our own way of coping , I guess. So yeah a peacock feather is kind of silly, but there are some things I wont have in my h;ouse any more, like a knife block. etc. you get my point?(no pun)
     
  14. madeinrussia89

    madeinrussia89 Well-Known Member

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    At least you got out of it alive, eh? Some women don't. I've never been hit, but I did throw a remote at my ex (which I meant for him to catch but he didn't...THINK FAST *THWACK*) anddddd gave him a smack across the face, which wasn't so accidental.
     
  15. Quahom1

    Quahom1 What was the question?

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    It's called pounding on the chest, and you best get used to it, if you are messing up...and I don't see where "sex" is an issue to begin with. If the two are in a fight, sex is like out the window...
     
  16. greymare

    greymare Well-Known Member

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    Q, I dont understand???
     
  17. Quahom1

    Quahom1 What was the question?

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    Yeah you do. Men screw up, women pound on their chest, then they both hold each other...and he feels like an idiot.
     
  18. madeinrussia89

    madeinrussia89 Well-Known Member

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    Did I miss something there? "You better get used to it"?

    And sex isn't necessarily out the window during a fight with some couples, even though it's generally not a smart thing to do while in a fight...
     
  19. greymare

    greymare Well-Known Member

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    oh maid in russia, you make me laugh. i think you are great. Thwakk cop ;that. love it. you are a champion.

    Yeah Q in that situation sex is out the window but some times youll do any thing to put someone to sleep . ( if you are in that kind of a situation youwill know what I mean and its ok its not your fault. just go. d;ont wait for someone to rescue ;you. its up to you. do it now)
     
  20. Quahom1

    Quahom1 What was the question?

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    Yeah, man messes up, woman pounds on his chest and cries, then man feels stupid...what did you miss?
     

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