I have never claimed it is absolute, this is exactly the responsibility, to refrain from forgetfulness of what I have been shown so that union is sustained.
I'm sure your friends and family will be happy that you do not consider union with them to be 100%, all or nothing. Memory is good, but I suggest you don't have to let it make or break a relationship.
It still delights me when others are joyful and giving, it is a beautiful thing. Others remain separated, however, and this has an inevitable effect of causing their disillusionment - their soul cannot stand it, it wants them to wake up from their delusions. This schizophrenia of longing for individuality and oneness at once is the nature of depression. It is the sole purpose of spirituality to find balance here, to bring the extremes together into truth. This is essentially what meditation is for, you are not masturbating the mind, you are going deep within yourself to discover this truth - you are listening to the soul. This is how I attempt to raise others spirits, by humorously or deliberately causing a oneness within them, allowing them to transcend their delusions at least for a moment.
It looks to me like you seriously assert your thoughts and beliefs onto other people. You speak of schizophrenia, disillusionment, depression, spirituality, humour to cause a oneness. Have you seriously experienced all of those things? If you speak truthfully then you are merely speaking about yourself, your experiences, your relationships, and your set of values and beliefs. I am being honest as I tell you: I find it deplorable and dishonest.
As an example, I came across a person who described himself as a comedian, a jovial funny person. The subject came up as he attempted a joke that I did not find funny at all, and he was frustrated by that. I asked him if he thought others laughed at him, or at his jokes, and I asked him who the judge is of whether or not he was funny. Later then I laughed when he said something, but he was not trying to be funny. He was very disatisfied with me that I would not laugh when he wanted me to, yet I laughed when he did not want me to. I think there are many times when it would be considered inappropriate to be telling jokes, and I find a person like this is dishonest with why they are telling the jokes. This person felt more at ease when others would laugh at his jokes on command, and it is tempting to give him a 'ha-ha' just to let him feel more at ease. From my viewpoint, this person asserted onto other people his concept for what he thought was funny. He further asserted himself as being a funny, good hearted guy. If this guy told me he was able to make 'oneness' with someone with his attempts at humor, meditation, etc... I'd tell him that I find it deplorable and dishonest.
Many think their thoughts and mind are the soul though, this is the nature of our dispute for it is simply false. Thinking is deliberate, mind is rational, soul is neither of these, it simply is.
I don't pretend to know what everyone is thinking. I find this a bit irrelevant though, while you find it important. I find that what you are saying is also false, because it is good to take responsibility for what you do with your mind.
We spend so much of our lives fighting with things, whether inwardly or outwardly. This is all because the mind has decided things and reality isn't meeting its expectations. This is entirely a fabrication, we can transcend this chaos and find harmony - the soul is perfect harmony. The soul is quite subtle though, we must concentrate on it to hear, when we meet our true selves rather than the self which is reacting to others (that is, the uncreated self where most only know the created... we identify with outward things because we are afraid to go within where truth is found and so we define ourselves by them) we are transformed completely.
If I am driving a vehicle and you see that the vehicle is hostile, deceptive, or dangerous, then it doesn't really matter whether you or I see myself as being the vehicle. I am driving the vehicle, and I see that it is good to be responsible, so if the vehicle is rude, deceptive, or dangerous, then you might as well consider the vehicle to be an extension of me. No, I am not the vehicle. It may be that the vehicle has its own character, and so does the weather, the road conditions, and the situation. Though I may not have caused everything, taking responsibility is a matter of seeing and knowing the weather, road conditions, and the situation, and driving in accordance with it. Better to stop driving than to drive out of control. Right? I'll relate with this to relationships in a bit.
The same goes for the mind. Sure: the thoughts, the jokes, the delusions, I can say that these things are not really me. Taking responsibility for my mind though: I'm the person that chooses for this mind what thoughts to entertain, to dwell on, to store for later, or to put away. I'm the person that decides when and where to tell what I think is a joke. I'm the person that may or may not be deluding myself. A thought, or a belief, is like a recipe. I am a cook. It may be the case that none of the thoughts, and none of the recipes that I utilize, actually came from me. It doesn't matter. I have a lot of power over this brain and this body towards what thoughts and actions to invest time and energy with. Where the line of responsibility is, I don't fully know, but I might as well take responsibility for what I do and don't do, rather than denying it.
If I see a person meditating while they are driving, not using their mind, or likewise distracted in thought, not taking responsibility for their thoughts, for where they look, for where they communicate, for interacting with others around them, and for what they are about to do, then I'd either steer far away to avoid them, rebuke them, and/or simply accept and prepare to suffer as there will likely be a major accident as a result of them. Furthermore, it will be doubtful to me that they will take any responsibility and learn from it, though I will certainly hope that they will.
Relationships do add chaos, unknowns or situations that are outside of an individual's control, though still within the control of the group. From an individual perspective, relationships do add chaos. No single individual necessarily is in total control, though as a group they can remain in control. When people get into the same car, or in the same aircraft, or on the same boat, then to a degree they can become like one vehicle. I can cook a recipe that I know, a recipe given to me, the food that I like, or the food that someone else likes. I can let someone else cook, or ask them to cook a recipe that they have yet to learn. There is a lot of variety and chaos in relationships. Of what you say about chaos and harmony is not surprising to me. There is an element of inward control, outward control, and an element that is not within any individual's control. I would relate to it this way: there is individual responsibility, and there is a group responsibility. As a member of any group, it becomes valuable to be seeking agreement as to who is responsible for what. A degree of individual chaos becomes acceptable and valuable, towards the value of relationships.
