Questions?

Discussion in 'Comparative Studies' started by RusticMusic, Sep 4, 2010.

  1. Persona

    Persona Interfaith Forums

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    Hi Nick,
    I agree that there are multiple perspectives with anything.
    The more perspectives, the more truthful, generally.
    IE: Heaven Reward Fallacy, if taken down a notch (or 200 :) )... is basically an important character quality: COURAGE... to be willing to suffer for a greater good.

    As I mentioned, not ALL religious organizations teach all of these thinking distortions... but many do. Many parents and teachers teach these... it's important to learn to think for ourselves. As you mentioned, the root cause of thinking distortions (which are the root of mental illness) is generally found in upbringing family dysfunctions. We naturally come into this world, 100% dependent on others for our survival. Thus, our primary care-giver is considered god to us. Gradually, we replace this god with other gods (peers, media, religion...). The greatest lesson we can learn is to think for ourselves, to not look outside ourselves for feelings, but to look within. How do you think this is best taught and learned?

    I agree that marriages would last longer if each spouse would let go of the need to always be right. Really, we're all wrong! :p We know so little of what there is to know, so even if one's conclusion is more inclusive than the other's, both are still lacking. (I need to remember this.)
    You mentioned one can change others. Maybe indirectly, but isn't oneself, the only person one can really change?
     
  2. Nick the Pilot

    Nick the Pilot Well-Known Member

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    Persona,
     
    There is one thing that is just as important to interfaith dialogue as it is to communicating about relationship problems: When we say that heaven is a fallacy or distortion, we automatically put the other person on the defensive, and they now want to argue with us. But if we precede such statements with, "I think that…" or "I believe that…" or "According to my belief system…" it really makes a big difference and creates a better chance that real communication and comparing of ideas will happen instead of arguing. It shows that one person has the minimum of respect for the other’s beliefs, and believe me, this is just as important in interfaith dialogue as it is important to communicating about relationship problems with a spouse.
     
    You said,
     
    "The greatest lesson we can learn is to think for ourselves, to not look outside ourselves for feelings, but to look within. How do you think this is best taught and learned?"
     
    --> I would tweak your sentence into this: The greatest lesson we can learn is to think for ourselves, to not look outside ourselves for feelings, but to look within for feelings. In my opinion, the biggest cause of divorce is when people have feelings inside of them that they are not aware of, feelings that are causing the person trouble, but the person refuses to admit to any of this. (But most people are not aware of many of the feelings they have within themselves, which makes this so difficult.) The first two steps for most people is (1) become aware of feelings inside of them they are not aware of and (2) ask their spouse for help with dealing with these feelings. Most people can not or will not do this, which is why most relationships fail. (The third step is to have a partner willing to do these kinds of things, but many partners are unwilling or unable to do this, which also dooms the relationship to failure.)
     
    "We know so little of what there is to know, so even if one's conclusion is more inclusive than the other's, both are still lacking. (I need to remember this.)"
     
    --> Then the goal is to start learning what there is to know (I totally agree). But the two people in a marriage have to agree to do this together, but most people are not willing to put forward the ‘emotional teamwork’ necessary.
     
    "You mentioned one can change others. Maybe indirectly, but isn't oneself, the only person one can really change?"
     
    --> Yes, the only person a person can change is themself, but most people cannot do it alone. I firmly believe most people are unable to find happiness by themselves, but can only find happiness when they receive emotional support from their partner. The success or failure of any relationship depends on how willing the person is to admit this. Secondly, the success or failure of any relationship also depends on how willing their partner is to help them with this. (But as we know, neither of these things usually happens, so most relationships end up in failure.)
     
    If you have time, watch this movie:
     
    Leave Her to Heaven (1945) - Stagevu: Your View
     
    This couple ends up breaking up. I firmly believe that with just a small tweaking of this marriage they would have never broken up, and both of them would have been happier together instead of slowly becoming more and more miserable together, leading inevitably to divorce.
     
  3. Nick the Pilot

    Nick the Pilot Well-Known Member

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    I want to add: I love this movie because it is a classic case of she is basically an unhappy person, she doesn't know it, she wouldn't admit it even if she knew it, all of this tears the marriage apart, and it could have been so easily fixed.
     
  4. radarmark

    radarmark Quaker-in-the-Making

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    Nick, great post! I always try to caveat my ramblings here with IMO or IMHO or "I think" or "I believe". And I try to avoid "all", "always", "true", and "false". Makes thing so much easier.

    I believe we both know that the language opf dogma and ideology have little to do with what we are doing here!
     

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