pseudonymous
Obtuse Kineticist
Things you have to believe to be a Republican today:
Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad
guy when Bush's daddy made war on him, a good guy
when Cheney did business with him and a bad guy when
Bush needed a "we can't find Bin Laden" diversion.
Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is
communist, but trade with China and Vietnam is vital to
a spirit of international harmony.
The United States should get out of the United Nations,
and our highest national priority is enforcing U.N.
resolutions against Iraq.
A woman can't be trusted with decisions about her own
body, but multi-national corporations can make decisions affecting all
mankind without regulation.
Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of homosexuals
and Hillary Clinton.
The best way to improve military morale is to praise the
troops in speeches while slashing veterans' benefits and combat pay.
If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won't
have sex.
A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our long-time
allies, then demand their cooperation and money.
Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy.
Providing health care to all Americans is socialism.
HMOs and insurance companies have the best
interests of the public at heart.
Global warming and tobacco's link to cancer are
junk science, but creationism should be taught in
schools.
A president lying about an extramarital affair is a
impeachable offense. A president lying to enlist
support for a war in which thousands die is solid
defense policy.
Government should limit itself to the power named
in the Constitution, which include censoring the
Internet.
The public has a right to know about Hillary's cattle
trades, but George Bush's driving record is none
of our business.
Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime,
unless you're a conservative radio host. Then it's
an illness, and you need our prayers for your recovery.
You support states' rights, which means Attorney
General John Ashcroft can tell states what local
voter initiatives they have the right to adopt.
What Bill Clinton did in the 1960s is of vital national
interest, but what Bush did in the '80s is irrelevant.
Feel free to pass this on. Friends don't let friends vote Republican.
Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad
guy when Bush's daddy made war on him, a good guy
when Cheney did business with him and a bad guy when
Bush needed a "we can't find Bin Laden" diversion.
Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is
communist, but trade with China and Vietnam is vital to
a spirit of international harmony.
The United States should get out of the United Nations,
and our highest national priority is enforcing U.N.
resolutions against Iraq.
A woman can't be trusted with decisions about her own
body, but multi-national corporations can make decisions affecting all
mankind without regulation.
Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of homosexuals
and Hillary Clinton.
The best way to improve military morale is to praise the
troops in speeches while slashing veterans' benefits and combat pay.
If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won't
have sex.
A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our long-time
allies, then demand their cooperation and money.
Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy.
Providing health care to all Americans is socialism.
HMOs and insurance companies have the best
interests of the public at heart.
Global warming and tobacco's link to cancer are
junk science, but creationism should be taught in
schools.
A president lying about an extramarital affair is a
impeachable offense. A president lying to enlist
support for a war in which thousands die is solid
defense policy.
Government should limit itself to the power named
in the Constitution, which include censoring the
Internet.
The public has a right to know about Hillary's cattle
trades, but George Bush's driving record is none
of our business.
Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime,
unless you're a conservative radio host. Then it's
an illness, and you need our prayers for your recovery.
You support states' rights, which means Attorney
General John Ashcroft can tell states what local
voter initiatives they have the right to adopt.
What Bill Clinton did in the 1960s is of vital national
interest, but what Bush did in the '80s is irrelevant.
Feel free to pass this on. Friends don't let friends vote Republican.