Your funeral

iBrian

iBrian

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Anyone here made any funeral arrangements? Not done so here. :)

However, I would rather hope that - when I eventaully die - people don't spend my time mourning for me, but instead celebrate myself and my life.

That's one thing I really don't understand about funerals - it's sad that someone loved has gone. But I sincerely hope there'll be laughter at my funeral.

So - bright colours - a few jokes - and a celebration of a life lived. No tears please - as much as possible, anyway. :)

Anyone think I'm being too against the grain - even insensitive? Or have funerals simply gone in the wrong direction?

Is there any particular way you would actually like your own funeral conducted?
 
I agree (as you probably know already), funerals are a strange and almost barbaric custom (open casket? do you have any idea what kind of nightmares this can bring? I do, personally). I'm much more simpathetic to the Irish idea of a wake. Let's all celebrate what the person stood for, what they accomplished, what they enjoyed or loved.

Here's my idea:
Everyone gets together, all clothed in their most favorite, comfortable outfit (even if it is a pair of old raggedy jeans and a t-shirt) and plays games, reacquaints themselves with the extended family they might not have seen for a while, or friends of the deceased they may not have met, have a picnic, do things the deceased loved (a party with a theme based on the deceased's favorite things).

NO CRYING ALLOWED. Ok, nobody will be whipped for it :D , but only happy memories are shared. Nothing is inappropriate. Nobody will be frowned-upon for laughing, making jokes, or just having a good time in general. Life goes on. We'll miss him/her but unless we are willing to lay down in the ground with them, we've got to move on.
 
Do not stand by my grave and weep
I am not there, I do not sleep
I am a thousand winds that blow
I am the diamond glint on snow....

I've got the whole poem tucked away with my will. I'll expect whoever finds me to take the cash, take the planned trip, and find themselves walking on the Roof of The World, Anna Purna Mountain. Toss the ashes to the wind and hang a prayer flag. I'll see y'all in summerland or the next time around. NO CRYING--CELEBRATE
 
I disagree about the tradition of an open casket being a bad idea. Many people find it hard to gain closure on the death of a loved one when they haven't seen them since they were still alive. I know that if my mother died today (4,000 miles away from where I am) and I travelled back to the States to attend her services, I'd be wanting to see her body. If I didn't get to see it, I'd be in denial for a much longer time than if I had been able to. However, I can completely understand why you find it uncomfortable. Unfortunately, there really isn't an easy way to resolve that dilemma.

Having said that, I want my own funeral to be informal and focused on happy events that my family shared with me. When an uncle of mine died several years ago, we played music and danced in the church, and there were a few humorous things that happened that we knew he would have appreciated (such as his casket being taken out before the eulogy was given. Oy!)

I've already told my husband that if I die before him, he's to make sure Monkey Gone to Heaven by the Pixies is played, and that everyone remembers me as the crazy and strange and "laughing at everything" person I was, not obsessing over the fact that I'm gone. That would really bother me. My family has a great sense of humor though, so I'm not too worried about it.
 
Good different perspectives on open casket or not - certainly worth noting that for some it's simply disturbing, but for others a necessary part of closure.

I had a very good friend die when he was 19. He had actually been diagnosed with "psychotic depression" (I think, though it was basically a form of schizophrenia) since he was 16 - underwent a sudden change in world perspective that was disturbing for some.

Thing is, once the psychiatrists had stopped making him into a zombie he seemed more like his old self again. Then the day after I got some friends to take him out to Beverley, he ran away from home - a body was seen floating in local docks, but a cargo vessel went over it before it could be retrieved.

It took around 9 months for the DNA results to be taken and come back with a 27,000 to 1 chance of it not being him.

There was never any sense of closure. I guess it has been partly responsible for not giving myself any sense of death being a finality, merely "being elsewhere".

Sometimes, rarely, I'll see someone who looks just like him. Sometimes I wonder if he's even dead. I wonder what that must be like for his parents or sister?

So I guess, when I'm dead, simply make sure I am first, and then let those who wish to see my ugly dead mug if they wish to. :)
 
Wow, I am really sorry about your friend, Brian. I actually had a friend back in the States, an older man, who suffered from Schizophrenia. He disappeared one day and nobody saw him again, and I've never found out what happened to him. He was on medication the last time I saw him, and doing well, but things can change very drastically.

Yes, there could be an option at wakes/funerals where the people who wish to view the body can go in first, and then the casket will be closed. That would work. I know when my uncle died I didn't believe it, didn't cry, until I saw his body. And then I wailed like a banshee and felt all of the emotions that I hadn't been able to feel before then.
 
I haven't, but I expect that my funeral will be traditional jewish (or as traditional as I can get.) Caskets are NOT allowed to be open (I don't know why, exactly, but it's true) but I would like the end of the "heavy mourning" (for my funeral) to be through dance or through some other means of free expression.

Phyllis Sidhe_Uaine
 
Namaste all,

well... i suppose it depends on what you mean by funeral.

i've made preparations for my death, if that's what you mean. as for the service afterwards... well... i've made my decisions quite clear to those that know and care for me.

i have no interest in a funeral, i plan on being cremated and i plan to have that done on the goverment's dime (being a veteran and all, don't you know) however, as the goverment will be broke and nobody will listen to a dead persons' will :) i have no real preference and am generally inclined to go along with whatever makes the majority of the people feel better, of course, as there will be only two of them.. it shouldn't be too hard to determine :)

those that know me understand completely the sillyness and seriousness with which i view this existence and they will not be sad to see this broken, injured form drop to the ground to give up it's last hold on me, such that "i" even exist.

and yet... there is a part of me that completely understands the all too human need to have closure and to pay final respects.. and there is something about being in the presence of the person to whom you are reconciling.. even if that person is dead.. that lends a great deal of emotional import to the entire proceeding. one would almost say that the reconciliation couldn't happen without being in that persons' presence.. though i know from personal experience that is not the case.
 
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