Witnessing Death

[pseudonymous]

I have been blessed to be with both my parents at the moment of their passing. My mother's
death last week, followed an 8 day & night vigil in her hospital room. My father's passing 10
years ago followed a 13 day & night vigil in a nursing home room. The experience of being
there for both of them was profoundly moving to me, both as a spiritual explorer, and as a
loving son. Everything a person thinks they know about an "afterlife" or their beliefs are certainly
made small in light of the event itself. For me, I couldn't not give nods to the absolute
mystery of the death transition.

My father was brain dead for the final 12 days of his life, so I was witnessing the body's
natural shutting down process. My mother was at least moderately lucid the first 4 days,
so it was more a witnessing of the Self letting go, followed by the body's natural shutting
down process. It soon became obvious to me that all remarks of "it is OK to let go" were
rather empty. You can really see the transition from Self holding on, to Self having moved
on - with the body left to its own mechanical "logging off".

When my two sisters passed away a decade ago within months of each other from cancer,
the year long journey was terrible to watch, even though there were tender moments of evolution
by both of them, as well as other family members. With my parents, there wasn't that luxury
of time to contemplate what their lives, and deaths, meant to everyone involved. That seems
both a blessing and a burden depending on perspective.

I haven't had enough time to come to an understanding of what I witnessed a week ago. I
know that there were some unexpected events during the 8 day vigil, but the ability to express
what it means to me hasn't surfaced yet. I certainly, in the least, was reminded of the obvious
difference between the Self & its sensual vehicle, the body.

I thought that perhaps this topic would make an interesting thread for those who have been
there for a loved one's passing. How were your beliefs supported, or put into question by the
experience? Do you find the process of the death transition to be a beautifully intimate event,
or are you uncomfortable with witnessing it? I would especially like to see replies from experience,
rather than a shopping list of beliefs from those who have never witnessed death.

 

[Popeyesays]

I have been blessed to be with both my parents at the moment of their passing. My mother's
death last week, followed an 8 day & night vigil in her hospital room. My father's passing 10
years ago followed a 13 day & night vigil in a nursing home room. The experience of being
there for both of them was profoundly moving to me, both as a spiritual explorer, and as a
loving son. Everything a person thinks they know about an "afterlife" or their beliefs are certainly
made small in light of the event itself. For me, I couldn't not give nods to the absolute
mystery of the death transition.

My father was brain dead for the final 12 days of his life, so I was witnessing the body's
natural shutting down process. My mother was at least moderately lucid the first 4 days,
so it was more a witnessing of the Self letting go, followed by the body's natural shutting
down process. It soon became obvious to me that all remarks of "it is OK to let go" were
rather empty. You can really see the transition from Self holding on, to Self having moved
on - with the body left to its own mechanical "logging off".

When my two sisters passed away a decade ago within months of each other from cancer,
the year long journey was terrible to watch, even though there were tender moments of evolution
by both of them, as well as other family members. With my parents, there wasn't that luxury
of time to contemplate what their lives, and deaths, meant to everyone involved. That seems
both a blessing and a burden depending on perspective.

I haven't had enough time to come to an understanding of what I witnessed a week ago. I
know that there were some unexpected events during the 8 day vigil, but the ability to express
what it means to me hasn't surfaced yet. I certainly, in the least, was reminded of the obvious
difference between the Self & its sensual vehicle, the body.

I thought that perhaps this topic would make an interesting thread for those who have been
there for a loved one's passing. How were your beliefs supported, or put into question by the
experience? Do you find the process of the death transition to be a beautifully intimate event,
or are you uncomfortable with witnessing it? I would especially like to see replies from experience,
rather than a shopping list of beliefs from those who have never witnessed death.

My wife's grandmother passed away a few years ago, much the same as you describe the passing of your parents. She had had a series of strokes that left her mostly unconscious and unable to speak, though she seemed to try periodically.

My wife and I are Baha`i her grandmother was Baptist, but she was quite friendly to our faith and never said anything against it.

As it became obvious that she was going to pass on within days, my wife and I visited her, during that last time at the bed side, I read the "Long Healing Prayer" revealed by the founder of my religion. It takes about 15 minutes to read, 90% of it is a poetic invocation, followed by about four paragraphs of asking for healing. Within minutes of the reading, her vital signs started to drop. We called my father-in-law to tell him that he had best get there soon as the nurses were saying now that she probably would not make it through the night.

We left as he arrived with his brother. Within about two hours of their arrival, she passed away quietly, much surprising the medical staff who had expected for her to last for a few days yet.

Sometimes passing off the mortal shell IS the healing, in my estimation.

In my wife's grandmother's house were four Baha`i books she had collected when she was making inquiries into the faith her grand-daughter had adopted, well-read, book-marked, and with margin notes. We still have those books, which her son passed on to us.

Regards,
Scott