I understand this, this is the premise behind tantric sex... it is certainly valid, but why?
It is the merging of opposites at the peak of energy - sex is the life energy in the lowest chakra. If you can bring this energy to the crown chakra in the act, mahamudra is what tantra calls the happening you speak of.
This is also what is significant about the crown of thorns, and is also depicted with the ring around Jesus' head - as is seen in other depictions of the likes of Buddha etc...
You can do this alone though, you can bring in this energy without the need for the other, you can direct it to your crown with such energy that it will break through - this is called the 10,000 petal lotus opening. This is the goal, howsoever it is reached.
It is not surprising that you wish for a man to surrender to though, it is the depth of the female energy. Even a man that comes to this state must become absolutely feminine though, you simply have a head start. The surrender must be absolute though, and that is what is meant by death, that is the crucifixion of the person.
If you feel deeply that it must come through the other, it is fine I suppose, but know that even in this the two are merged. Even in this, there is no more two at all, the entire existence will become your subjectivity in this happening.
The peak is all I speak of, but if you want it to be in sex, just remember what I have said of what must happen. Normal sex is not going to cause it, yet any sex where you are willing to give yourself utterly can. Simply do not withhold any part of yourself, let go of everything.
Only then.