I find great comfort in disbelief. A bad thing can just be bad. It doesn't have to fit into God's will, or be some kind of punishment or karma. When my brother died I didn't wonder how that was God's will or try to make it into a good thing somehow. It was a bugger of a rotten deal, and that's all it was.
Chris,
In similar tragic situations I find comfort in disbelief too. As one of the more unlikely of our mutual acquaintances put it, "There is no Why." That's pretty much the attitude I had towards my sister's death, which in some ways was even worse than my husband's because it could very well have been a suicide. At least with my husband we knew it was coming for almost nine years, although I continued to pray for a miracle right up the last minute... because you just never know. Unfortunately, no miracles were forthcoming.
I do know I would have bitten the head off any would-be comforter who had tried to find some "metaphysical" reason for either my sister's death or my husband's. I made sure I warned everyone not to go there. I said, "Any reason that could be put into words at all, wouldn't be good enough."
I know a lot of people do find comfort if they can put their grief or pain into a larger context--God's will or karma or whatever. But that's for the individual to on his own, or her own. No third party has the right to "volunteer" a meaning based in what could turn out to be a completely alien theology or world-view.
I'm kind of a neo-Taoist, if that makes any sense. I love the process: the Way of Life. I love nature, but I don't take the fluffy bunny approach to it.
I don't know if I can say I love the process or not, because there are times when the process just seems hell-bent on happening anyway and it's like an oncoming tidal wave. That's how I felt a few months ago when a whole series of synchronistic events charged with personal meaning starting hitting me one after another, seemingly building on each other and building to a peak. I sensed there was a meaning to it all, and the meaning, or purpose, seemed to be what was driving it.
I suppose I could have turned away from all the inner turmoil, but I chose (if "chose" is even the right word) to ride the waves and see where I landed. What I said at the time was "I trust the process."
I couldn't go so far as to say I love the process, but I trust the process. I believe the universe and everything in it is in the process of evolving or self-actualizing. And THAT particular boat isn't leaving the dock without me, no matter what!
--Linda