Questions -Sikh girls and dating / Sikh girls and going outside

Discussion in 'Sikhism' started by jasmiin, Jul 2, 2009.

  1. jasmiin

    jasmiin New Member

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    Alright well, this is a question from a Sikh who has a very religious step-father.
    I want to know why is it so bad for sikh girls to start dating? Like I don't think it says anywhere in our "Sikh Bible" [Granth?] that sikh girls are not allowed to date. It doesn't say you HAVE to have an arranged marriage. Like, my mother is fine with me picking the guy I want, as long as he's Sikh. But why does dating a white boy make it such a big deal? Especially if you know he REALLY does love you?

    And what is it with Sikh men, even women, with having their teenage girls outside? I'm not talking about pubs. I mean, to the park, or the mall. When you KNOW that your daughter is with a whole bunch of people, has a cell phone, or whatever you still deny? I've noticed that sometimes some parents would even say, "The other Indians will start talking" Like. Is it that bad for us to actually live a little? When we're avoiding sex, drugs, the "bad group".

    Now, I'm not saying it's all sikh parents. My cousin from my real-dad's side is allowed to date, she's allowed to drink, and she even does pot and her mother knowing this, is alright with it as long as she doesn't hide anything from her mother.

    Another thing;

    I'm a great believer in god, but my mother always tells me, the only way god is going to help me is if I pray. Now I don't mean to doubt on religion or anything. But like-- shouldn't the actions I make, the way I act, what I do affect god helping me?
    I didn't want to tell my parents but like.. I see the Granth and everything, as guidelines. Like, I know stealing is bad, don't do drugs, help your parents, etc etc. But shouldn't god just be with me for being a good person, rather than having to pray in order for him to be with me.


    If somebody could anwsers these questions for me.. that would be great. :)
     
  2. Francis king

    Francis king New Member

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    hello, I am not a Sikh, but I saw your post and thought I would reply anyway.

    Parents worry about their children. The way you write your post tells me that you are young, and as a young woman who, according to your post, is not already involved with drinking and drug taking and the bad crowd, you are innocent of the ways of the world... reading between the lines of your post, you seem to be at that stage in life where your drug taking cousin and her ways seem appealing, and where God is becoming not quite the God you thought He was...

    as we mature, we all do this- we realise everything we are told is not quite as true as we once thought it was and we disagree with our parents and try to rebel... these are dangerous years, and its so easy to make a mess of things and not be able to recover from the mess...

    ...you are probably a nice girl, and your parents (and me) want you to stay that way for as long as possible, for your heart not to be broken, or, heaven forbid, for you to end up pregnant or with a disease or with a boy who encourages you to start drinking and taking drugs and mixing with the bad crowds... what is so wrong with that? Boys will say they love you, and they might even believe it themselves, but when you are young you do not have a real understanding of what love is- it's all raging hormones and who's got the cutest face...

    Of course, you think that you have your own mind and can resist such temptations, but it is not easy to go against the crowd and the group, especially when you are young and your image is important and you feel that you might be missing out on something that everyone else has...

    growing up you will meet many boys who you think are "the one", but as each relationship ends you will see they were not "the one" after all...

    you don't have to have an arranged marriage, you don't have to do as you're told, but if you are under sixteen and living with your parents then it is better to try to respect them and their wishes or you make your life harder than it needs to be. Focus on your education and your career. There will be lots of time later to do what you want. Building a firm foundation for your future now is much better than doing what "childish" young people do (pretending to be grown up and making big mistakes!)

    You say- doesn't how I act and what I do matter more than praying? Personally, I reckon it matters much more, and I think you do too so, turn it on its head- what kind of a mum and dad would you have is they said- "oh, it's okay for Jasmiin to date boys and have sex and take drugs and for us to know about it, but we will pray for her, and everything will be okay". Both you and I would say that is a stupid way to look at things, and we would be right.

    You seem sensible, and intelligent. Maybe sensible and intelligent is not cool, but believe me, it is the sensible and inteligent people who go furthest in life.

    Hope that helps you.
    FK.
     
  3. abbas44

    abbas44 New Member

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    im a muslim boy and i have a sikh other half. i love her to the extent where i would honestly die for her without thinking twice and she loves me the same. im 16 and she is soon to be 17 this is true love and thats not the topic anyway what im tryna say is i wouldnever forceher to believe what i believe and she wouldnt either. why is it so bad it doesent matter what anyone says or does we will be together but i justwanna no why?
     
  4. abbas44

    abbas44 New Member

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    forget drugs or evan alcohol its just about love
    someone tell me wats rong with this and ill reply
     
  5. abbas44

    abbas44 New Member

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    and another thing dont think that im with her for sexual resons no that has happnd but we both agree its a mistake and we should be married one day before it happens again and btw we have been together nearly a year
     
  6. wil

    wil UNeyeR1 Moderator

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    Not Sikh, Hindi, or Muslim....but I totally appreciate the troubles of young love. I'd like to thank FK for a reasoned response, hopefully you'll both take a look.

    You both have tough relationships, one of two religions that are relatively strict in their thoughts on mixed marriage. Mixed marriages are not easy, many work out, many do not, many times they lead to arguements and turmoil even if they eventually do work out. That being said there are more and more of them; and we now have a President that is the offspring of both mixed marriage, both racially and in religion. I think this is an example of change in societies....yet not all societies.

    The other is a relationship of step parents and beliefs, pretty much if you are living in a house, you follow house rules. This is whether you are paying rent or not, someone else has the house, and they have the rules, and more ofthen then not they think they are looking out for your best interest, despite you perception.
     
  7. Nick the Pilot

    Nick the Pilot Well-Known Member

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    Abbas,

    There are many ways to answer your question. One is that there are several differences between Sikhs and Muslims. You may think these differences are small now, but as you grow older, these differences may become very important to you. For example, if you were to marry this girl and have children, would you raise the childeren as Muslims or Sikhs?
     
  8. abbas44

    abbas44 New Member

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    Thank you for your reply,
    However we have thort of that believe it on or not we have thort about a lot of things, and my answer to that is our children will have the choice when they are old enough to make it and untill then we will do both our prayers, im not totally religeous and neither is she
     
  9. NiceCupOfTea

    NiceCupOfTea Pathetic earthlings

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    i'm in a mixed religion marriage at least I was, i converted but we have now both left islam and been christians for a while.

    there will be problems if not with you and your partner but with inlaws, and as you get older your attitudes to religion may change.
     
  10. dhillon

    dhillon New Member

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    Please try to understand that the ultimate goal in sikhism is to break away from cycles of birth and death and return back to god head not to heaven or hell.. so the only choice left is to earn THE NAMES OF GOD in this birth itself.. just talking about goodness and badness is not enough because the snare of death is still there.. even animals are doing goodness and badness... after all the good actions done life after life now i had already been given a human birth..so now after a human birth i should run after the grace of god to earn salvation..salvation in sikhism means getting liberated from birth and death.. the only ladder to reach to Godhead or absolute god is to surremder to his WILL.. and this will are his NAMES or NAAM
     

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