I feel like that is very dismissive of people that deal with trauma. Not everyone has developed healthy coping skills and therapy teaches healthy coping skills. Why should we flounder in the dark not knowing how to deal with stuff when there are people trained to provide skills.
The idea with therapy, is the hope someone else can help solve our problems. When we walk away after a session, we still own our problems ,no one else can solve them for us. Sometimes, just being able to talk openly with someone, helps to share the burden.
Many years ago I called on a customer, she said, if I tell you something, will you promise not to tell anyone. Having known her for a few years, I thought she was going to tell me some gossip, and agreed. She said she was about to end her life as I was knocking on her door. She described what she had started to do. This seemed like a carefully planned and determined attempt to end her life, but she still chose to tell me about it.
She told me her story, some of which I already knew, she said that everyone who was important to her in her life had used her. Her husband ran off with another woman, her business partner ran off with the assets, and her children only came to see her when they wanted something. Then another man did a terrible thing, there was no chance of getting justice, so she decided to end her life. My response was to say that dying is not the problem, we all die. But you are a kind and caring person, you do not want to leave this world feeling bitter and angry. I talked about finding some way to forgive this person, because it was not in her nature to be bitter and angry. I said, even if you continue trying to end your life in the way you described, try and forgive this man. You are a kind and caring person and it is not in your nature to leave this world an angry and bitter woman.
There came a point when she had said all she could, and there was no more I could say, other than its pointless coming back next month to see you. She said come back. I could not stop thinking about her and phoned her when I got home, she said you never phone me, just come back next month like you normally do. When I went back the following month, she’d had her kitchen decorated and was planning a holiday. She never mentioned suicide again. It seemed sad, that she had no friends or family that she could have shared her worries with.
I knew I had left her with a terrible burden, every day she would have to live with the memory of the hurt, and strive to overcome her loss. Letting go of anger, and striving to forgive, helped this lady find a purpose to keep living. I have had similar conversations with many suicidal and self harming people.
I find it very hard after listening to these deep and troubling stories, that I have to walk away, knowing they still carry the burden. I have no mental health training, but I am learning to listen.
