Bengali girl in love with a Muslim man

SHI

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Hi

I am a 20 year old Bengali girl living in the US. I am Hindu by birth but I dont follow any customs in my daily life. I was born and raised here in this country and I currently attend college. I recently started interacting with a muslim classmate. He is from Pakistan and is studying in my college as well. It started off as doing a joint project and we soon started to talk and I consider him a very close friend now. It has been a few months now and we always hang out together.

Over the last couple of months our relationship has turned romantic in nature. I honestly feel this relationship has the potential to go a long way. I really want to make him feel comfortable with me. He is quite religious in nature and I dont want to come off as disrespectful to him religion. I wanted to ask the people in this forum for advice on what steps I can take from my side to show my love and respect for him. My knowledge about Islam and its traditions is quite less so I am looking for some advice from the people here.

Would it help if I learnt more about islam, if I learnt arabic etc. I am really open to suggestions here. Thanks in advance
 

A Cup Of Tea

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Welcome!
As non-religious I feel it would be disingenuous for me to come with advice, but I hope you get good advice from others. We have both Hindu and Muslim posters but they don't post very regularly. Hope and understanding all around.
 

wil

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Seems.to me...

Started working on a project
Became friends
Spend a lot of time together
Turning romantic

If anywhere along that progression he felt any disrespect.for his beliefs... The next steps would not be likely.

Continue being you. If you try to be something other than you, you might have to maintain that facade to maintain the relationship.

20, in school, you've got a lot going. Enjoy life, focus on your studies to get that headstart a degree provides... You are young, time and it appears intelligence and wisdom are on your side.

Namaskar
 

Ahmad232

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Sister if he is religious, than you should save him from sin and not be a reason for him to fall into it; a boy/girl relationship outside of marriage is a sin in Islam

and i wonder if he is really serious about you other than to just have a 'fun' relationship for he will know well that muslim man is only allowed to marry monothiest girl; Muslim Christian or Jew so unless he has plans to make you convert, he cannot be serious about you
 

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Hi

I am a 20 year old Bengali girl living in the US. I am Hindu by birth but I dont follow any customs in my daily life. I was born and raised here in this country and I currently attend college. I recently started interacting with a muslim classmate. He is from Pakistan and is studying in my college as well. It started off as doing a joint project and we soon started to talk and I consider him a very close friend now. It has been a few months now and we always hang out together.

Over the last couple of months our relationship has turned romantic in nature. I honestly feel this relationship has the potential to go a long way. I really want to make him feel comfortable with me. He is quite religious in nature and I dont want to come off as disrespectful to him religion. I wanted to ask the people in this forum for advice on what steps I can take from my side to show my love and respect for him. My knowledge about Islam and its traditions is quite less so I am looking for some advice from the people here.

Would it help if I learnt more about islam, if I learnt arabic etc. I am really open to suggestions here. Thanks in advance
Hi SHI, Namaste and welcome. Myself, I'm a Christian man that has been married to a Hindu woman for close to 30 years. So for me, mixed faith marriages can work and work well. The heart wants what the heart wants, as they say. My advice though; talk this over with your intended. Clearly voice your concerns and expectations and encourage him to do the same. That way, you'll both know exactly where you stand. Communication is key here. Seeking advice from others will likely result in more questions than answers. Only you two know what is right for yourselves and each other.

I sincerely wish for you both, every happiness.
 

Amica2

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Hi

I am a 20 year old Bengali girl living in the US. I am Hindu by birth but I dont follow any customs in my daily life. I was born and raised here in this country and I currently attend college. I recently started interacting with a muslim classmate. He is from Pakistan and is studying in my college as well. It started off as doing a joint project and we soon started to talk and I consider him a very close friend now. It has been a few months now and we always hang out together.

Over the last couple of months our relationship has turned romantic in nature. I honestly feel this relationship has the potential to go a long way. I really want to make him feel comfortable with me. He is quite religious in nature and I dont want to come off as disrespectful to him religion. I wanted to ask the people in this forum for advice on what steps I can take from my side to show my love and respect for him. My knowledge about Islam and its traditions is quite less so I am looking for some advice from the people here.

Would it help if I learnt more about islam, if I learnt arabic etc. I am really open to suggestions here. Thanks in advance
Hi! He must have feelings for you otherwise it would be very sinful for him to lead you on for nothing. Qur'an is clear that a man must be honest and respectful of woman, regardless what religion she is, especially in matters of relationship. Having said this, you two are facing some trouble. Knowing both Islamic and Hindu stance on interfaith marriage, it might be that you face issues from Bo sides of families. I think that you showing care and love is enough of respect. Besides obvious (e.g. not offering your man bacon to eat, offering food when he is fasting) I don't think there is anything else you need to do. It is true that Muslims are to marry monotheists only per religious command. I think that you need to have an open discussion with him about what you expect from the relationship and whether he wants the same. Don't let him fool you into something. Remind that he needs to be honest and open. And be prepared for an honest answer that you might not like. But, who knows. Maybe one religious obligation he decides to ignore is the marriage commandment. It is not unheard of.
 

SHI

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Hello

Thanks for your comments. I can't believe that it can be a sin to love someone. As i mentioned i am non religious and open to other traditions and religious practises.

My boyfriend had asked me to fast this ramadan period which i am glad to do. I am absolutely loving that we are fasting together this month. Also he has requested me to wear the hijab whenever i am with him. He is aware that it might be difficult for me to wear it all the time now. I try to wear the hijab when i am in school and whenever i go out with him.

I am wondering if there is anything else i can do to make him happy.
 

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My boyfriend had asked me to fast this ramadan period which i am glad to do. I am absolutely loving that we are fasting together this month. Also he has requested me to wear the hijab whenever i am with him.
SHI, how would you feel if your boyfriend were to ask you to convert? I ask, because from what you've said so far, it seems like that's where things are headed.
I am wondering if there is anything else i can do to make him happy.
What about him? Has he done anything to accommodate your faith or is this a bit one sided?
 
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Abdullah

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Hello

Thanks for your comments. I can't believe that it can be a sin to love someone. As i mentioned i am non religious and open to other traditions and religious practises.

My boyfriend had asked me to fast this ramadan period which i am glad to do. I am absolutely loving that we are fasting together this month. Also he has requested me to wear the hijab whenever i am with him. He is aware that it might be difficult for me to wear it all the time now. I try to wear the hijab when i am in school and whenever i go out with him.

I am wondering if there is anything else i can do to make him happy.

yes, sister, maashallah you seem very reciprocating of this beutiful religion of Islam; look into it deep and God-willing you will see it is really a truth from God, so then you can convert and ther'll be no barriers from you both marrying! :)
 

Abdullah

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SHI, how would you feel if your boyfriend were to ask you to convert? I ask, because from what you've said so far, it seems like that's where things are headed.

What about him? Has he done anything to accommodate your faith or is this a bit one sided?
i think he loves her, so seeing whether she will gradually convert to Islam so they can marry
 

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i think he loves her, so seeing whether she will gradually convert to Islam so they can marry
Perhaps. I just think that if their continued relationship is conditional on her willingness to convert, he should at least be open and upfront about it. As I said in #5, good communication is key here.
 
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Bhaktajan II

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Dear kanya Bharata-putri,
So your opening post is about doing something "opposing" Hindu birth?

With all due respect from a Hindu myself: I'd wager you know nothing about Hinduism. I'd wager you couldn't give a lecture on Hinduism's religious tenets and sanatana & dharmic purposes.

So your opening post is NOT about doing something "opposing" Hindu birth ---it is simply your desire and dictate, Yes?
 

Abdullah

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Perhaps. I just think that if their continued relationship is conditional on her willingness to convert, he should at least be open and upfront about it. As I said in #5, good communication is key here.
Islam is the natural religion; good people just reciprocate to it positively so i think he's making it obvious that he wants her to be like a good muslim girl!
 

Amica2

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Hello

Thanks for your comments. I can't believe that it can be a sin to love someone. As i mentioned i am non religious and open to other traditions and religious practises.

My boyfriend had asked me to fast this ramadan period which i am glad to do. I am absolutely loving that we are fasting together this month. Also he has requested me to wear the hijab whenever i am with him. He is aware that it might be difficult for me to wear it all the time now. I try to wear the hijab when i am in school and whenever i go out with him.

I am wondering if there is anything else i can do to make him happy.
Hi again!
I don't think it is the question of loving someone. God in the Qur'an is not saying that if one falls in love with a person that it is a sin. Rather, it is a sin to marry. Why? Because time and again we have seen people abandon faith and religious requirements when they marry out of faith. Also, certain stuff non Muslim do that may be sinful for a Muslim to keep. For example: a non monotheist wife might want to erect an idol in the house. Out of respect for her, the husband may allow it but it is sinful for him to do so. Personally, I have seen many marriages fail if they are interfaith. First few years may go fine but later things go wrong.
It is nice that you are doing Islamic practice. But I worry that you will grow resentful if he does not reciprocate by engaging in Hindu practice or something you might like and he will refuse for religious reasons.
 

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For example: a non monotheist wife might want to erect an idol in the house.
As SHI has said, she was born unto a Hindu family, but does not she herself follow any Hindu customs. However, most Hindus are not non-monotheistic. They believe in multiple manifestations of a single God. They also do not worship idols. The figures and photos found on Hindu home alters are primarily used to pray through to God. They are not praying to the figures themselves. It is their way of showing reverence. Different perhaps than that of the Abrahamic traditions, but with the same idea in mind.
 
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BigJoeNobody

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Perhaps. I just think that if their continued relationship is conditional on her willingness to convert, he should at least be open and upfront about it. As I said in #5, good communication is key here.
I am late to the discussion I know, I agree that both sides should be open.

I can't believe that it can be a sin to love someone.
It is not... in a strict emotional context. It is a sin however to be romantic with a person when not married (this includes dating) unless it is in the idea that you will be married, and then the "date" should be chaperoned by parents or at minimum trusted family members (from either or both sides). This is simply a safeguard against trespassing the boundaries set by Allah. As one Hadith states "The prophet (PBUH) once said 'If an unmarried man and woman are alone in a room, Shaytan will be the third witness." (paraphrasing and translating). Intercourse outside of marriage (Adultery) is strictly forbidden.

As i mentioned i am non religious and open to other traditions and religious practises.
It is admirable that you respect his views on what you should do, but what is a practice without a belief? It simply becomes a Burden. In the future you may desire kids, If you don't share his belief this may make raising those children very difficult as you will probably be opposed to him telling the children his worldview is right and vice versa.

I am wondering if there is anything else i can do to make him happy.
Yes. Read the Quran. I assume you don't read Arabic, but since you said you are Bangladeshi, I assume you can read your native language. Bangladesh being primarily Muslim, I'm sure you can find a translated copy or 2. If you want an English copy there are several to choose from. Quran.com should have many in many languages.

I say read, because if you want to have a relationship with him you need to find out if your core beliefs can align with his, 1 god=/=Multiple gods=/=no god. If you find yourself actually believing it, then please inshallah you will convert (or revert from our belief) to monotheism, and then inshallah you can accept Prophet Mouhammed (PBUH) as well as the other Prophets (PBUTA) as Allah's messengers and prophets, and then take Shahada, establish prayer, etc. This is what would make a truly religious man at ease and happy.

However, most Hindus are not non-monotheistic. They believe in multiple manifestations of a single God.
I agree that some Hindus I've known believe this, then others complete Polytheism. Although this makes some of it better, it doesn't alleviate all the barriers.

They also do not worship idols. The figures and photos found on Hindu home alters are primarily used to pray through to God. They are not praying to the figures themselves. It is their way of showing reverence. Different perhaps than that of the Abrahamic traditions, but with the same idea in mind.
From an Islamic standpoint we don't accept anything living or non-living be between one person and Allah. These statues or pictures of the "manifestations" would be a clear obstruction to Islamic belief. It is unfortunate that the nearest Halal Meat market to my home is shared with a Hindu Grocery. At the entrance is 2 statues (Shiva and another IIRC). because of this I choose not to go there, not because I fear a lower faith, but rather I don't think the 2 are compatible. Now I have Hindu friends, who have statues in their house, and I will accept their invitation, and I don't bring it up because it would be rude of me to request a change of his decor just for my comfort in his house. But I don't think I would choose to pray there, and I only eat the meat there because he buys Halal meat.

This is just an example of how interfaith works in friendship. in a relationship, at least from the Islamic perspective to Hindu, regardless of the purpose, the statues and pictures depicting a "form of" or directly a god is Haraam, hence Why I would never recommend a Hindu marry a Muslim, unless one converted to the other's religion first.
 

wil

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In the future you may desire kids, If you don't share his belief this may make raising those children very difficult as you will probably be opposed to him telling the children his worldv
Yes, he may object to you telling the children your worldview. Would be better to see how open he is to raising children in both worlds....especially if he isn't willing to convert...but he should at least be reading the gita, so to see if he is willing to meet you halfway.
 

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They believe in multiple manifestations of a single God.
This is not correct according to Bhagavad-gita nor the puranas etc.

The supposed "Gods" are all demigods here within the Material temporary cosmos.

The supposed "Gods" are all superintendents of cosmic affairs ---all of them are pious souls in a position of authority due to good karma ---all boons that allow a soul to take the post of a demigod [one of many superintendents of the different departments of cosmic affairs] are temporary posts.

The supreme Godhead is not a demigod.

Krishna is the supreme Godhead ---why? because that is what Hindu scripture says.

Remember, when citing Hindu scriptures and/or metaphysics ---there is the impersonalist [akin to Buddhism] Advaita school of Hindu swamis.
 
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