With all due respect, that is a portion of the problem here. If I may have your permission to speak freely?
I accept that different leaders have different styles (thinking of I,Brian and StevePame). You are in a position of leadership now, with big shoes to fill. Members look to you for guidance. What you do they feel is acceptable behavior. In effect, you model the behavior that will happen around here. If you are polite, the members will see that is expected of them. If you are blunt, members will see that is acceptable. If you are crass...you get the picture.
Doesn't matter if you go back and delete what you posted if the respondee has already seen what was written. An unfortunate part of the internet is there are no "take backs," once you hit the send button it is out there. I was taught to take a breath and reread and reconsider before I hit "send." As a mod in my former life here there are many, many posts I thought better of and deleted, bit my tongue, and either found another way or let it slide (notice I did not say to forget...).
Leaving me out of the equation (I do my own thing, the resident curmudgeon "Oscar the Grouch"), I've seen many times others' objections to your quick reactions. You have a temper, that is the simple reality (we all do), but as a leader it is expected of you to control that temper. It can be difficult at times to hold one's opinion, and for something really egregious you could perhaps take it to Private Message out of sight.
Rule of thumb for leadership; praise in public, chastise in private.
And on that note allow me to say that for someone who jumped into the deep end without knowing what he was getting into, you're doing a good job. And you are asking the right questions. With a bit of tweaking I think you can bring the ship back around.