Please pray for me.

[path_of_one]

Mods, feel free to move this if you feel another forum would be more suitable. I didn't know where to post.

I know a lot of you don't agree with me on theological points, but I also know we are all in the body of Christ and that you all love Jesus and God as I do. I know you all believe in the power of prayer as I do.

I'm facing an enormous amount of pain right now and the only strength and comfort I have is Jesus. I am utterly exhausted emotionally and it is only my spiritual life that is keeping me going at this point. I know without a doubt God has a plan for me in all this and that Christ will be my rock, my protector, my healer, and my friend. I also know I will never be the same person when the storm subsides, and honestly, I'm struggling to accept what I've been dealt.

Please keep me in your prayers- not that my life gets better, but that my faith grows stronger. That God's will is done and that I can come to a place of peace and acceptance. My life has ever been in Christ's hands, and no matter how much I hurt, the Bible promises me it is not more than God will help me bear. I want with all my heart and soul to let go and just come to peace in all this, but I'm really struggling, so I ask all of you for your help.

This virtual place to discuss with others the deepest part of who I am has been an incredible blessing. I'll be around, but I may mostly take a break for a couple weeks. I'll be reading stuff, but I probably won't post much for a little while.

Peace to all and thank you,
Kim

 

[earl]

May you know you dwell in the Heart, Love, and Peace of God now in your times of trouble and always. I wish you well, Earl

 

[lunamoth]

Kim, I've been thinking about you since I noticed your posts missing these past couple of days. You are in my prayers, dear. God is with you.

His peace and strength to you,
laurie

 

[tommy]

Kim:
I love reading all your posts, especially how in tune you are with nature! I will admit that I learn from you. May Gods love be with you, I know it will during this time. Peace and Love and you are in my prayers. Blessings, tommy

 

[InLove]

Hi Kim,

I did not see this one before I saw your note in the lounge. Holding you up to the eyes of Love, and holding you here in my heart and in the Spirit. Here's a hug, too.

InPeace,
InLove,
Debora

 

[Bandit]

hi Path

i will pray for you too. do pray with me & agree together that when the answer comes, you will know. the theology part is not what matters any way. You have been a real neat & a special person in my life & i want you to know that.

from an old hymnal, that sure has helped me through a lot of pain & suffering...& i am here for you too.

When the world that I've been living in collapses at my feet ​

When my life is shattered and torn ​

Though I'm wind swept and battered I can cling to His cross ​

And find peace in the midst of my storm ​

When in twenty-four hours years of living are brought to moments ​

And when lives final picture is taken form ​

In the dark room of my suffering there's a light come shining through ​

He gives me peace in the midst of my storm ​

​

​

There is peace in the midst of my storm tossed life ​

There's an anchor ​

There's a rock, to cast my faith upon!​

Jesus rides in my vessel ​

So I'll fear no alarm ​

He gives me peace in the midst of my storm​

 

[Bandit]

p.s.
I love you a lot.

got room on that path of one for two?

 

[iBrian]

Hey, Kim, genuine best wishes - blessings upon you that you have the strength to succeed the coming challenges, and grow out of them stronger.

 

[path_of_one]

Thank you all- it means a lot to me that people are praying for me and wishing me well. I'll make it through in God's grace, I just have a lot of suffering to get through. God mends everything, and from brokenness He can make wholeness, so I know deep down I'll be all right.

I wanted to thank you, Bandit, for the picture and the hymn. I printed the hymn out and I think it's going in my purse for a while so I can remind myself when I'm feeling overwhelmed.

Peace and love to you all,
Kim

 

[truthseeker]

Dear Path,

You inspire me with your clean words surely representing the pure of your heart. I've just gone through something myself and the pain gave me room to grow an inch. Growth is always the reward, among others. I am sending my love, and will pray that the collective measure will shed a healing light on your elevating soul.

Yours,
Debanice

 

[dayaa]

dear path

i'm so sorry to hear you are having problems......many of your posts have given me great comfort in my own confusion and somehow i imagined you calm and strong and happy....but clearly you have a strong faith and a deep understanding and i hope this will give you strength to cope with your problems. all i can say is hold on to that faith, because when everything else is shaking, the faith remains solid. you will certainly be in my prayers. i hope to see you back here soon and that somehow all will be well.
lots of love and best wishes
fatimah

 

[juantoo3]

Dearest path of one,

Words fail me here, but please know my thoughts and my prayers are with you! I will also pray for your speedy return, you will be missed!

 

[Quahom1]

Thank you all- it means a lot to me that people are praying for me and wishing me well. I'll make it through in God's grace, I just have a lot of suffering to get through. God mends everything, and from brokenness He can make wholeness, so I know deep down I'll be all right.

I wanted to thank you, Bandit, for the picture and the hymn. I printed the hymn out and I think it's going in my purse for a while so I can remind myself when I'm feeling overwhelmed.

Peace and love to you all,
Kim

It is my hope that you have someone with whom you can seriously discuss the issues you are facing (whatever they be).

It is my hope that you have a place and constructive means to work out any nervous energy that may be building in your system (adrenaline with no where to go and nothing to move, toxifies the body and mind).

It is my hope that you can smile wholeheartedly, when you look in the mirror (to thine own self be true).

In my own life, I have found the adage "That which does not kill you, makes you stronger", to be so true, in the long run, whether it be physical, emotional, or spiritual. (I don't know about mental...I'm still working on that one)

The darkest of night, is just before dawn, and it is very, very short, life wise.

May you have peace and understanding, beyond all reason.

That is my prayer.

v/r

Q

 

[path_of_one]

My husband is divorcing me. We met through a Bible study ten years ago. I was seventeen- we were just a couple of kids. We thought between the two of us and God we could take on anything. We did lots of things right and made a lot of mistakes, and in the end we just were too different. We each gave everything we could until we just were broken. As you probably recognize, a huge core of my life is my spirituality, though it's a bit noncoventional. My husband is a wonderful man who tried with all his heart but found after we both grew up in ten years that he is not much interested in who I am. Truth be told, it is mutual. We will always love each other with the deepest concern and care- we are best friends and know each other better than anyone in the world. But he's a guy that decided he wanted a simple life- having fun, not thinking too much about life and God, just experiencing things. And I could never join him there. I'm complicated. At our core, we are both free spirits- that is what fell in love all those years ago. But the rest of us is entirely different from one another, and life isn't just about the spirit. I know now there is nothing either of us could have done to result in any other end.

We've both of us prayed and struggled and genuinely poured out all we could possibly give until we were just exhausted. I thank God that He gave my husband the strength to release us both, because I couldn't have gone back on the promise I made to God in our vows, and this marriage was killing us both by the end. We can part as friends, keep in touch, and genuinely still love one another in a friendship sort of way now. In another five or ten years, we would have just been resentful. It broke my husband that he gave everything he had to me, and he couldn't fulfill my needs. It broke me that I tried to give the most cherished thing I have- the entirety of who my soul is- and he just needed a companion. We each showed the deepest, most passionate love we could. Unfortunately, it was in ways that weren't compatible, and it scarred us both.

God works in mysterious ways. I know divorce is not OK biblically, and yet I've learned more from God and had more miracles in the last week than I'd ever seen before. I've felt God fill every cell of my body when I was so tired I thought I'd just collapse. I know who I am now, and what my needs are, when for ten years all I wanted was to make my husband and I happy.

I am no longer in pain, but I have moments of grief. I prayed for acceptance, and you all did too, and God gave it to me in less than 12 hours. He gave me all the lessons He tried to teach me through this man's love. And then I went further and prayed for joy, and He gave that to me too. I struggle with the loss, of course, but in a few days God transformed me from a heart-broken naive childlike woman into who I truly am- a strong independent woman grounded in Christ. I had loved my husband with all the innocence and idealism of a child, and I gave up things that I should have only given to God. I don't regret it- I learned lessons and I will ever have the memory of what pure, wild first love is like.

But I will never again give what is God's to a human being. I won't compromise my spirit again. I made all the wrong sacrifices, until I couldn't give the right sacrifices. I will be wiser now, but I will not be jaded- I am an idealist and my soul will retain the child within it, though my body and mind will become a strong adult.

All this time I prayed to make my husband happy, to be a better wife, to have a better husband. I should have prayed for acceptance, peace, and joy more often, and happiness less. Once I finally prayed the right prayer and listened with ears that could hear, God picked me up and filled me with Him in a way I had never yet experienced. God is amazing and is so very good to me. I just am a stubborn soul sometimes and so I had to be utterly broken to learn some of the lessons God had in store for me. Now I am being remade.

Thank you for your prayers, they ushered in the most amazing transformation of my life and were like a hug in a very dark time for me. Please continue to keep me in your prayers, to pray for my acceptance and joy in God's will.

Peace to all,
Kim

 

[path_of_one]

It is my hope that you have someone with whom you can seriously discuss the issues you are facing (whatever they be).

It is my hope that you have a place and constructive means to work out any nervous energy that may be building in your system (adrenaline with no where to go and nothing to move, toxifies the body and mind).

It is my hope that you can smile wholeheartedly, when you look in the mirror (to thine own self be true).

In my own life, I have found the adage "That which does not kill you, makes you stronger", to be so true, in the long run, whether it be physical, emotional, or spiritual. (I don't know about mental...I'm still working on that one)

The darkest of night, is just before dawn, and it is very, very short, life wise.

May you have peace and understanding, beyond all reason.

That is my prayer.

v/r

Q

Thank you for your prayer, Q. And you are right.

I thank God I have the most amazing family a person could have. They are entirely accepting of everyone and will listen and love and discuss with me. My mother is the strongest woman in God I know, and she came to help me pack up my things and undergo this transformation. I have so many who love me and understand at least the basics of who I am. My husband has only a few friends; his family is being supportive of him (when he thought they wouldn't), but he only has one friend (aside from me) that really "gets" him. I pray he has someone to go to in his moments of grief. We had always gone to each other, but I had others too and he didn't.

Though I am exhausted, I am packing and finally moving in August where I've always wanted to be- to the Cascades. The environment of Southern California poisoned my body until I was sick a lot and couldn't go outside in the summer due to the heat and smog. I watched all my childhood trees be felled for strip malls and the wild animals retreat into the back country. I watched the tract homes and Walmarts take over. It hurt my spirit. I am a nature person, and the trees and animals are like people to me. I will finally give myself what God created me to be- a person walking in the woods. I am free now, and I am going to take my portion of the savings and buy a chunk of woods to tend, to walk among the trees, and to garden. I will work of course and get an apartment and such, but I will finally be where my soul longs to roam. My spirit is a wild one, and needs wilderness, not Starbucks. And you are right- my body needs to do stuff. I'm a very active person, and I can't wait to finally be in an environment where my body can get healthy again and I don't have toxins in the air and heat that makes me pass out. It killed me to live inside all summer when my body and soul both need to walk five miles a day.

I found that I made mistakes, and I sinned in this marriage. I'm human. But God and my husband forgive me, and I love me. I can look at myself and smile. It is time for joy and laughter.

You are right. This nearly killed me and now I have more strength than I ever thought I could. My husband does too. In our marriage, we each whittled away at our independent strength until we both felt weak and lost (in our own ways). Now, we both feel strong.

I am in the radiant and glorious light of sunrise now, when for a long time it had gradually grown into twilight and eventually darkness. I am rejoicing and exhuberant at moments in the brilliance of finally being free to be me without feeling like I'm hurting the person I love most in the world.

Peace to all,
Kim

 

[Bandit]

there is an old movie called SPLENDOR IN THE GRASS.

i recommend it to anyone who has never seen it.
maybe not right now for you Path, but someday if you have never seen it.
while some things in life have closure, there are times there is not & there can actually be more strength in things that do not have closure. not sure why, it just is.

married 3 times, i know the difference now.

i like William Wordsworth a lot.

Though nothing can bring back the hour
Of splendour in the grass, of glory in the flower;
We will grieve not, rather find strength in what remains behind

 

[iBrian]

Sincere best wishes to you, Kim - words are not always enough so please accept those instead - especially as there's no way I can match Wordsworth.

 

[earl]

So glad to hear there's a new dawn for you. Earl

 

[truthseeker]

Darling Path,

We are so young.
I saw this quote today. I don't know who said it but I remember the quote was, "In this world is a painful progress. We yearn for what is left behind, as we dream ahead."
Maybe the hardest part right now is learning to walk ahead alone. But if I may say a bit more, you'll come to know yourself without needing the help of those who know you - and that shall become the greatest love of all. I am so glad that you are looking forward to the future. Be sure to go through the waves of emotion thoroughly - that will keep you sane. Oh yeah... If you ever get lonely, scream at God. I think He likes it when you get feisty with Him every now and then.
We are so young. And these are the growing pains.
Thank you for sharing yourself.

 

[Quahom1]

Darling Path,

We are so young.
I saw this quote today. I don't know who said it but I remember the quote was, "In this world is a painful progress. We yearn for what is left behind, as we dream ahead."
Maybe the hardest part right now is learning to walk ahead alone. But if I may say a bit more, you'll come to know yourself without needing the help of those who know you - and that shall become the greatest love of all. I am so glad that you are looking forward to the future. Be sure to go through the waves of emotion thoroughly - that will keep you sane. Oh yeah... If you ever get lonely, scream at God. I think He likes it when you get feisty with Him every now and then.
We are so young. And these are the growing pains.
Thank you for sharing yourself.

So true. Hot or Cold, God can use us. Luke warm, we're worthless to Him.

v/r

Q