hugging, eye contact...

Flow....it is appropriate that we re open this thread after discussing memories of you on another...it is also so appropriate that you were the last poster four years ago!

17th said:
So you seriously... Will hug someone you've never... ever met before? That is never met with defence or hostile reactions?
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Yup, nope not really. Yup I hug all the time, no very little hostility. The most I get is them standing there stiff as a board, not knowing what to do.

Actually over the years my hugging has modified. As someone approaches, with or without an outstreched hand for a handshake...I open my arms. My right hand is almost shoulder hieght...now should they choose they'll reach out and grab it or maybe even take a step back. Or if their right hand instead of reaching, opens as well or if they take a step in.... a hug it is.

Frequency? 90/10?? in favor of hugs...probably higher.
 
wil said:
Flow....it is appropriate that we re open this thread after discussing memories of you on another...it is also so appropriate that you were the last poster four years ago!

Yup, nope not really. Yup I hug all the time, no very little hostility. The most I get is them standing there stiff as a board, not knowing what to do.

Actually over the years my hugging has modified. As someone approaches, with or without an outstreched hand for a handshake...I open my arms. My right hand is almost shoulder hieght...now should they choose they'll reach out and grab it or maybe even take a step back. Or if their right hand instead of reaching, opens as well or if they take a step in.... a hug it is.

Frequency? 90/10?? in favor of hugs...probably higher.
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That's interesting to find out then, I'd of thought there would have been more defence from the other if they did not know you. But yeah that is cool you always give me the impresson of Gaylord Fockers father from 'Meet the Fockers' lol. My greeting is only verbal. Those I respect I will shake their hand when we depart ways. But apart from that I am zero contact. lol.
 
flowperson said:
With me it's pretty well defined who gets and gives hugs. That's just one of the things that changes as one gets older.There's less spontaneity.
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I don't know how I missed this thread, but this reminds me so much of my own Grandfather.

I moved across the country as an adult, and kinda lost touch for a while as I suppose young adults sometimes do. When I got back in touch, there was a distance between us, and I didn't understand why. I finally got the opportunity to visit, and I made a point of hugging my Granddad as I was about to leave, and he pretty well stood stiff as a board and didn't return my hug. That was a bit hard to take.

We had a few good conversations on the phone after that, but it was only a few months later that he passed. I still don't fully grasp what took place that day, it was simply my way of telling my Grandfather I loved him. I'm sure he understood, but I can't help but wonder why he felt he couldn't return the hug...
 
I'm not one of the huggers. It's just not me.

People in primary and secondary school used to make fun of anything associated with physical contact (they made it sound sexual, heterosexual or homosexual), and I was a repressed individual who didn't know how to deal with such attitudes. I find hugging intimidating because it brings back all those bad memories of teasing, bullying and harrassment.

People who got over that stuff have obviously made hugging into something else. But to me, it's still that same hideous monster that hides in the closet and comes out every time the hugging situation approaches. The scary hugging monster is automatically teleported into the situation from the closet of psychological darkness. When the situation passes and moves on, the monster goes back into the closet.

It would be nice if I could turn the scary hugging monster into an angel, but I haven't found the power to do it yet. Sorry. No hugs.
 
There oddly... Was a report on the radio today about this saying the average person doesn't even like to shake hands, main reason being the majority are not sure they do it correct... Whatever the hell that means.

SALT: Hugging isn't a monster to me... It's more like some pansy dressed "queen" boy lol... And he can stay in the closet lol.

My mind comes to two conclusions if someone was to try and hug me.... 1. You're ever a bit... You know... *limps his wrist* or 2. You're trying to rob me.
 
juantoo3 said:
I'm sure he understood, but I can't help but wonder why he felt he couldn't return the hug...
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Saltmeister said:
It would be nice if I could turn the scary hugging monster into an angel, but I haven't found the power to do it yet. Sorry. No hugs.
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For many it is not part of their paradigm. It doesn't fit their norm. But for so many I've heard years later or over time...

"When I first met you, you hugged me, and I thought that so wierd, but at the same time, so welcoming and felt appreciated before we even knew each other. And I've appreciated that and each hug since." and/or

"I was never the hugging type, and your first hug was very disconcerting, but it changed me, and I now hug more" and/or

"Oh no you don't, don't just walk by me, your not getting away without me getting a 'wil' hug!"

Now these are obviously paraphrases...but the jist of what I hear is there. And I've not had anyone say (maybe because they are too polite?), "I know you are the hugging type, but I'm not, could you please just not hug me." I'm serious, not anyone has verbalized that...and I can't think of anyone that knows me that I shake hands with.
 
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