Fictionalize Yourself

We had fun/"fun" both Caturday(Saturday) and today. Poor FeiLong was teased mercilessly at the drag show by those attendees that should know better and protesters across the street (Yoh let them know that they were "out of line" and took them down a notch or three.) Fukase joined in, feeling that he should've been invited to the "altercation" (he's always primed for a fight [:rolleyes:].) Hirato and the members of Circus Ship #2 started arresting the "victims" after Belinda let them know what was going on (she's quite helpful when needed.)

Today an idjit followed the ladies to a women's restroom, earning him some well-deserved abrasions/contusions/fractures/etc. (courtesy of several ladies) before mall security arrested him (lucky for him Shigure didn't use her [in]famous shuriken...) We got to our appointment a tad late, but we called them at the mall to let them know where we were and why.

Anyway, we rode on a new (to us) bus route, plus we got some "straight from the horse's mouth" information that we so dearly desired, courtesy of the bus driver. What was really interesting was that we were the only passengers on her particular bus, and we chatted with her off and on during the ride (we even helped the driver with a small dilemma that she had [a previous passenger had left her keys along with her bus pass/student ID on her bus, and we let the driver know where she could drop them off on campus].) The other passenger was waiting for her stuff at the layover on campus, and she (the passenger) was rather ecstatic that she got everything back. I hope that both the driver and the passenger take my advice about getting a large key ring just for bus passes/IDs that can fit over the wrist, keeping the lanyard for keys (no need to remove and/or bend down to scan anything, and any car/house/whatever keys will [mostly] stay around the neck.) Oh, and next week I'm going to let my doctor know about the route since there's another patient that she sees who lives on the east side near campus (three birds, one stone...)

Oops, gotta go. I'm getting some rather "interesting" looks from several of "the clan". I'm going, I'm going. Sheesh. :rolleyes:

Phyllis Sidhe_Uaine

Oops, you caught me practicing for next week.

"What's next week?" you ask?

Another block party for charity. The "talent" will be doing songs and the like, security's going to be tight and treats will be flying out of various freezers (including ice cream "tacos".) It'll coincide with finals, so everyone will have a performance in between exams.

We also went grocery shopping (picked up some stuff to donate for the Hunger Task Force through the letter carriers this weekend.) Tuna in water, dry cereal, pasta, macaroni and cheese dinners, etc., are set beside the mailboxes in the front entrance (we "borrowed" a couple of carts so the entrance/exit won't be crowded to the point that it would interfere with emergency responders.) The most recent set of newbies were funny with the way that they selected their donations (we had to talk Gladiolus out of purchasing a case of Cup Noodles [he picked up a case of pasta and a case of tinned pasta sauce to go together instead].)

Oops, gotta go. Kuma and Koru are looking at a couple of neighbors in a rather predatory manner...

Phyllis Sidhe_Uaine
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We went to a party earlier today, leaving Kuma, Koru and Betty with "Snake"'s snakes (the "guest of honor [a dog] wouldn't have wanted a bear, a melanistic jaguar or an Amur tiger at his party, much less several snakes.) "Snake" stayed with them, so they were well cared for during the party. We brought several pounds of fresh baby carrots, which were gratefully accepted by the host, along with contact information for the veterinarians (jic) and a few dog toys. Another neighbor brought what she called a whiskey cake, which was just an angel food cake that was split into three layers, filled with a whiskey-laced butter-laden filling and frosted with a whiskey-laced whipped cream (she couldn't understand why I declined it [allergies!].)

We left after a while due to the fact that they turned on the television in the community room, switching on some stupid program that none of us were willing to sit through. I had to keep the yakuza and Triad members from putting a bullet through the screen, which was a real feat iykwim. Unfortunately, it was after the guest of honor bit a grand/kid of one of the residents (Ryouto took care of the kid while giving him a lecture I hope the kid remembers for the rest of his life.) There were several stitches involved on the boy's face and an altercation between the host and the kid's relative (Hirato dealt with that one with Asami backing him up.) Two Alpha males putting the kibosh on one stupid fight imho...

School's winding down now, some of "the clan" are sitting through finals, and this is the last week that some of us are taking the express bus to our doctor's appointments. We'll still go on campus to pay for our bus passes, but we won't stick around as much.

Oops, gotta go. Ryouto looks like he's going to give someone a "what for"...

Phyllis Sidhe_Uaine
Oops, you caught me. We're winding down the charity block party, plus we've added several new 'members'. *scream*

One of the newbies is a jiangshi, aka a "jumping zombie". Yes, you "heard" me right. I "said" zombie. I gotta figure out what he needs. :rolleyes: At least his companions are much easier to feed (one Bram Stoker-style vampire, two werewolves, a jack-o-lantern, a leanan sidhe, one demon, two {or is it three} humans, and several other nonhuman entities that "go bump in the night"/"urban legends".)

Then there's the group from a different "universe of discourse" where books can be cursed tomes, but they eat normal food...

Oh, everyone's coming in, soaked to the skin. Gotta get everyone warmed up without setting them on fire/burning them. Okay, who wants pizza waffles? Or would anyone prefer chocolate, since it's the Burlington Chocolate Festival? Oh, some of you want both?

Phyllis Sidhe_Uaine
*Couldn't Get It Right by Climax Blues Band*

Ah, you caught me.

Everyone's doing their best to observe the "six-foot barrier", but my neighbors aren't allowing them (both Kuma and Koru have to be restrained or there's going to be several stains [none from either the bear or the panther].) The only members of "the clan" that don't need to are the shinigami (death spirits have special dispensation due to their very nature.) "Snake" is grateful for the extra space around him (he's been walking around openly with at least two snakes draped around him [most of the neighbors avoid him when he has even one, much less two!].) The again, he has six to choose from...

The snow spirits are preparing to head to Antarctica (will free up some space) and several of the others have given them lists of things they'd like sent up here that cannot be found around here (like Cherry Ripe bars. :rolleyes: ) Gentiana is staying a bit longer, though, to make sure her ward's going to be okay. Prompto is staying here in spite of the stay-at-home orders (he's had enough cold weather to last him a while.)

We're dealing with the scheduling for all of the students (classes online, so no socializing with their classmates until further notice during certain hours. The computer banks are taking up more space than pretty much anyone in my apartment complex had ever seen before, plus the security is even tighter than before (Daiba set it up, linking it into his computer setup, which is more secure than even the servers for any of the financial districts in the world [paranoid much? :rolleyes].) Takaba Akihito's also making arrangements to "borrow" a little bandwidth to broadcast this year's "block party"/"extravaganza" for Children's Hospital (can't disappoint the fans, y'ken?) The choreographers are working on routines that will accommodate the "social distancing" rules (just in case the restrictions haven't been lifted by then.) Circus is lending it's "dressing rooms" aboard both ships to give everyone even more space (the AI bunnies and AI sheep have pretty much everyone's voiceprints, so stowaways can't get in without a legitimate tussle.)

Oops, gotta go. "Snake" is taking out three of his companions! Nova, Wren, you know the drill! "Joker", "Beast", "Doll", provide backup!

Phyllis Sidhe_Uaine
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The guys held their first (hopefully only) indoor-only "block party" using several social media platforms and cameras. It wound down earlier today (much to my neighbors' delight [conch shells do carry their sound rather nicely, as do rams' horn "trumpets" and Highland bagpipes].)

Kazumi's fish boil was welcome and "Snake" was grateful for the assistance concerning his companions. Betty the Tiger, Kuma the Bear and Koru the Panther kept interlopers away from Kazumi, moreso than the kerosene (drunks mostly pestering the big guy) but what're a few 3rd-degree burns between friends? /sarcasm.

The snow spirits are back in Antarctica as is Gentiana (she wears several more layers than the others due to her being just a messenger/avatar of the ice goddess in her UoD.) I've suggested that she rent a small house a little farther north, and Asami gave her a contact to find a decent one for six months every year (everyone in "the clan" is far more useful than several people that I could name.)

The :kitty: delegation has grown (much to the dismay of my neighbors) but I can't help bringing in stray and feral :kitty:s to foster, especially when the recognized rescue groups are pretty overwhelmed due to not being considered "essential services". Every human/oid member is helping me as much as they can, but some of my neighbors want the :kitty:s back where they came from (I'd like to throw them into Lake Michigan or Lake Superior, with weights around their waists.)

Oops, gotta go. Refrigerator raid.

Phyllis Sidhe_Uaine
May 28th,

Everyone's finishing up their "burger party" (celebrating National Hamburger Day with vegetarian "hamburgers", salmon burgers and regular ones.) We also got a few new members. *scream* The "jumping" zombie was the first to notice the newcomers followed by the werewolves ("They smelled different.") I'm grateful that Shigure didn't leave any holes in the walls from her shuriken. Tomorrow night, we're having Kazumi's (in)famous Fish Boil (he's also packing up "to go" bento for any firefighters that show up.)

May 29,

The newest :kitty: is sunning herself in one of the windows (found out that her human name is Haru from her human companion/s.) One of the group Haru showed up with is having his a$$ets handed to him by Koru and Betty (not all :kitty:s like and/or want the attention of an over-enthusiastic humanoid [he ought to be grateful they didn't invoke their "claws clause" iykwim].) Big :kitty: = big claws = major medical bill (if human survives!) Rule #1 with :kitty:s (both big and small): ask permission to floof their fur and stop when they want to stop! 3 - 5 inches of claw can do some serious damage to one's anatomy, perhaps causing one's physiology to cease.

And I thought Keigo was a real PitA! :rolleyes:

I won't sentence the newbie to :kitty: herding duties (it won't do squat to deter him!) Maybe a stint in Nayugu...

Oops, gotta go. The newbie's after Koru, and he's heading straight for "Snake"'s snakes!

Phyllis Sidhe_Uaine
The Experiment

It had been going on for a long time, or so it seemed. I was still caged, basically. I could come out from time to time to bathe, that was it. I had forgotten what human kindness felt like. I knew that whatever happened now, I would always be scarred. I would never again believe in the good in human beings.

When you are powerless and everyone has power over you, there is little you can do but play along. In doing what they want, you let them reveal themselves. They want my most private things, my fantasy, the little things I have left to live for. They want my need for perfect love, it is called a disease by them. They also want my defensive reticence, they want my retreat into fantasy where I am no longer vulnerable to... people like them.

And so it was that I was given one to love. And love I did. I still ache from it. So cruel to give that which I am most vulnerable to. How I wish I could die. Yes, there are my wounds, my need for love and my fear of abandonment. Thrust the knife in there, pour the salt. Repeat, for eternity. Let me suffer for all time, feel good about yourself. I have dreamed, I have hoped, I have longed. But now I am dying inside. I want to sleep, but I cannot.

Whatever is being done, I hope it accomplishes their purpose, I really do. But now I am tired, I am sick at the heart, I have nothing left. I need peace, I need healing. Dare I even say it, healing. No one can be worthy of it, I know. But it is one thing to say "I am not worthy", it is another to say "I need". One can still need without being worthy. And words end there, the heart simply burns, aches, sometimes loving, other times filled with rage.

When will it be enough. You coaxed me through my fantasies, you made me believe someone could love me. I began to believe it. Good work. But now I can't stop it. Is there such a thing as a soulmate or have they just used me, deceived me, in order to demonstrate my disorder? Even if it is fantasy, I need that gentle touch, that hand that touches the tears on my face as they fall down. If only I could die now in this fantasy.

But tomorrow is another day. The flesh will awaken, the feet will move, I have responsibilities. I will fulfill them while dying inside. I long to be in another place, another time, outside of time, in eternity. How could we sink so low. I ache and once again go beyond words. There is no earthly balm that can heal me. I have been tricked. I thought there was a beloved that held the key to my heart. Touch me one time, fantasy, and then let me die in peace.

Please God help me die. Let me be at peace. Don't let me continue to suffer. My heart is destroyed. Put it back together please. I don't know if "they" will get what they need out of me or not. I am dying, I have no strength. I hope they get what they want but I have no control. Please let me rest, please let me sleep. I no longer know what I want, what I need. I drift. I once was human, vulnerable. I am lost.
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Strange music in the air, wafting, calming, gently embracing. Hebrew, I believe. And there was no pain anymore. No pain.
Don't worry, it will return. :) It's just a feeling I'm not used to. (I should also say to one, thanks for the spiritual help.)
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The Experiment

(Understand about the "cage". This is not a physical cage, but a spiritual one. How was it created? I don't know exactly. It's a confluence of many things perhaps; my keepers, God, fate, need, even myself. Maybe I know it has to be this way. However one wishes to look at it, the bars of the cage are just as real in the spiritual realm as they would be in the temporal.)

I had been asleep in the corner when a noise awakened me. Something rattling against the bars? Someone with a key, opening the cage door.

I could hardly believe my eyes. It was HER. The one who owns my heart. She is going to come into the cage.

"I... uh... don't think you're supposed to do that".

She turned to me. "You don't want me to come in here with you?"

I was taken aback. "Well... okay, but..."

"But what?" she challenged.

My heart was hurting now, and I wasn't sure why. My whole being was weak. I didn't have enough strength left for bravado. "Yes, I want you to be here with me, I...."

"Just say it, it's okay."

"I need you. I'm afraid for you to be here because I know you will have to leave again". I felt better just getting the truth out.

"Why can't you believe that I love you, that I won't let you go?"

I was dumbfounded. "I... I don't know." I held my arms out briefly as a way to indicate helplessness. "I... can't be what anyone wants me to be."

She relaxed a little more. "I can stay here with you a little while but soon they will be missing me."

"I understand."

"Can we sit for a bit?" She indicated a place on the straw. (It was clean, they brought in fresh straw early this morning.)

"Of course." I looked toward my own corner of the cage. But my heart was just sick and I couldn't hide it. "I wish I could make it a better place for you, I don't like this for you."

"We're together, what could be better than that?"

Her words cut to my heart. I tried to stop it, but a tear ran down. There were more and there might not be an end to them if I didn't stem the flow now. "Please..."

"What?" she said gently, tenderly.

"Please don't love me."

"Why shouldn't I love you?" she said softly.

"I... uh... Love hurts me. I don't understand it."

"Why not just trust and don't try to understand?"

Her words were spoken as a lover would speak and so they encountered no resistance in me. "I have tried, I will try, but it is difficult."

"Fair enough, my love."

Her words filled my heart with warmth, with acceptance. "Thank you."

We sat there for a long time, no longer speaking with words, but just enjoying one another's essence. Feeling complete, whole.

Finally she broke the silence. "I must leave for now but I will be back, ok?"

"Please... "

"I know, but you must trust that I will be back, okay?" Her voice was warm and sincere.

"Okay. I... you know."

She smiled. "I love you too."

She blew me a kiss and then locked the cage door behind her. As she turned to walk away I caught a pained expression in her face.

And then I slept, peacefully. More peacefully than I had slept in a long time.
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The Actor

I guess I'm sort of old school, perhaps too old school for this troupe. And yet... it has potential. The acting is much better now, the troupe stays in character more often. More subtlety, more nuanced performances. Yes, I like this. My inner critic is at the still point and he likes what he sees. But who is teaching whom?

Am I, an old veteran of the craft, really teaching anyone in this troupe, or is it they who are teaching me? Who knows, perhaps both? Sure, an actor has to remain humble, teachable. Always ready to learn new tricks. One may never fully master the craft in one lifetime.

I have a job here but this troupe is not really my tribe. A pity perhaps. My tribe is more straightforward and we never mix realms. But... when In Rome? I'm getting too old for this... offal. Still, the heart leaps a bit.
I am a mountain on a distant, earth-like planet orbiting a sun-like star. Here, no animal life has evolved. All along my rocky edifice grow mosses and trees, various plant life forming a harmonious homeostastis with itself. The tectonics of the planet continue to shift subtly but not violently elsewhere, yet here they are mostly still.

I have existed on this planet for billions of years and witnessed the first plants creep their way out of the ocean generation by generation. As the plates of the earth beneath me continue to press into each other, I will continue to grow for many more years. I am a silent watcher. I need and want of nothing but take peace in my simple existence. One day, our star will swallow this green planet and I will be returned to the cosmos that birthed me.
Caught us again.

Well, we are doing quite a bit of cooking for this breakfast (here's a photo example in case anyone's interested):

We've been practicing for more charity events, plus we had an interesting seder (COVID has put a damper on such events other than on videoconference.) "Snake" has been in his element (he just carries a couple of his snakes and everyone in the complex gives him space!)

The shinigami have been rather busy in a particular European region (for obvious reasons.) The "big guy" is ready to to go over and do some "scorched earth" tactics (his element is fire and when he "lets loose", everything in a particular area is incinerated, including the air!) I wonder what would happen if Lenin's embalmed body went up in smoke (not that I would do it myself, but...)

Oh well. Gotta couple of things that I need to start doing for Mothers Day. Oh, and I need to practice along with our usual talents. *shrug*

Oops, gotta go. Kids pulling on certain tails, and the owners of the tails are ready to evicerate the kids. Everybody, you know the drill!

Phyllis Sidhe_Uaine
A couple of the shinigami are depressed due to their latest "job" (I won't get into it due to what it was [it was on pretty much every news channel].) Several :kitty:s were cuddling with them, purr motors on full-blast.

We're going to do another "block party" for Children's Hospital this weekend (Emba's conch shell is ready to go, much to the chagrin of the neighbours!) One neighbour made the mistake of grabbing one of "Snake"'s snakes (The snake is okay, the neighbour's going to be in the hospital for a while due to compression fractures.) The assistant manager here had a "conference" with "Snake" (she hated the fact that he refused to leave all of his snakes behind in their enclosure [she has a snake phobia from what I understand].) Then there are the Big :kitty:s (she tried to smack Betty (an Amur tigress!) I'm just waiting for Betty to pop her with unsheathed claws iykwim.)

Okay Suoh. I'll pick up some sparkling water for the fish boil. Any flavour requests?

Phyllis Sidhe_Uaine
The human/oid/s went to the :kitty: cafe today, leaving the bear and the panther behind as well as the snakes and our resident :kitty:s for everyone's sake. Several of the "clan" had coffees of different types, others had different teas (seven had matcha, which they pretty much sang the praises of) and I had a couple nonalcoholic "Kitty Cocktails", which piqued numerous members' interests The guys with a "sweet tooth" picked up baked goods to go with their beverages (Keigo was on the receiving end of several "dirty looks" by the staff.) We then slipped into the :kitty:: side of the cafe, and we nearly were kicked out because our hour was over.)

We then headed over to my "bank" (had to go to the store [feeding so many people takes several trips to the store, y'ken?]) Another customer ranted at me for wearing cat things ("Dogs are superior!") She forgot that there are those who are severely allergic to dogs. Then she gave "Snake" a hard time (she would've screamed if she saw his nonhuman companions!) He interacts with 🐍s more than anything!

Oops, gotta go, Several of the guys want me to teach them how to replicate Kitty Cocktail for hot weather. Okay, I'm coming!

Phyllis Sidhe_Uaine