China Cat Sunflower
Nimrod
- Messages
- 2,924
- Reaction score
- 13
- Points
- 0
Well, here I am back in the land of the living. I feel like I've been run through an industrial sheet sander. All my protective veneers were ripped away, and I was left naked and bleeding. I wondered what would happen, what I would become since I had never faced anything like a death so close. I didn't know if I'd lose it; sink into inescapable depression, or become self-destructive. I didn't know if I would bottle up the grief and let it eat a hole all the way through me.
But I survived intact, and I learned some really valuable lessons about who I am and how important family and true friends are. I'm not a hugger, but I deeply appreciated every hug and warm handshake I was offered. I've never known what to say to someone experiencing a loss like this. Always felt really awkward like nothing I said could possibly help. But it really does help. I so appreciated every kind word, especially from those who I could tell felt awkward like I would but made the effort anyway.
And, I was comforted by my lack of belief- believe it or not. I never felt angry at God, didn't have to try to find some justification for regarding the tragedy of my brother's death as in some way part of God's plan, and I found courage in accepting the blow without recourse to some pie-in-the-sky platitude.
More than anything, though, I learned how important my wife and my girls are to me. My wife was a fantastic pillar of strength for me, I'm in awe of her and the way she handled everything. I love my kids so much too, and I find myself more determined than ever to be the best dad I can be for them.
Chris
But I survived intact, and I learned some really valuable lessons about who I am and how important family and true friends are. I'm not a hugger, but I deeply appreciated every hug and warm handshake I was offered. I've never known what to say to someone experiencing a loss like this. Always felt really awkward like nothing I said could possibly help. But it really does help. I so appreciated every kind word, especially from those who I could tell felt awkward like I would but made the effort anyway.
And, I was comforted by my lack of belief- believe it or not. I never felt angry at God, didn't have to try to find some justification for regarding the tragedy of my brother's death as in some way part of God's plan, and I found courage in accepting the blow without recourse to some pie-in-the-sky platitude.
More than anything, though, I learned how important my wife and my girls are to me. My wife was a fantastic pillar of strength for me, I'm in awe of her and the way she handled everything. I love my kids so much too, and I find myself more determined than ever to be the best dad I can be for them.
Chris
