Hey whats happened to Alex

mee

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where have you gone ?:) are you lurking in the shadows:D Just wondered as i havent seen your posts in a while
 
Greetings Mee,

Wow, I am quite suprised and touched to see you checking up on me, I keep popping in, yeah I guess I am in the shadows ;) Hope all is well with you :)
:D good to see you lurking around
 
Lurking from time to time :D I don't really have much use for this forum anymore, but I still partake in the gamers social group so I pop on now and then :D

I'm rather struck by your statement that you don't have much use for this forum anymore. What do you mean by that exactly?
 
Well, I was going to try and rephrase it but I am not sure how... I have found when I talk/debate/discuss/whatever religion and attempt to get "into" religion my life is burdened... I feel sad and depressed.

I try to be enthusiastic and no matter what I end up dwelling on death and that isn't something I wish to dwell on. I haven't stopped thinking of how my father died (and that was two years ago..) I have never dwelled on it... But the more I am looking into religion the more my morality comes to reality and I fear I am to die like my father.... I am at my most "happiest" when I am not thinking of such things, so I am not really "doing" religion (even though I want to lol, I am kind of nuts so yeah....) I believe in god but I don't wish to think of god. It won't make sense... But to me it's perfect. all in all, I feel vunerable and that isn't what I want, so ignorance is the plan for bliss....

So my attendance to this forum has obviously faded, as I try to find joy but I can't and I guess in reality religion depresses me.... *shrugs*
 
Well its not like you're just disappearing into thin air, and its not like I can shake your hand or buy you a coffee. Internet friends are a let-down from the get-go for that reason. We're too impersonal. I could have bad breath and you'd never know it.

g030.gif
 
Well, I was going to try and rephrase it but I am not sure how... I have found when I talk/debate/discuss/whatever religion and attempt to get "into" religion my life is burdened... I feel sad and depressed.

I try to be enthusiastic and no matter what I end up dwelling on death and that isn't something I wish to dwell on. I haven't stopped thinking of how my father died (and that was two years ago..) I have never dwelled on it... But the more I am looking into religion the more my morality comes to reality and I fear I am to die like my father.... I am at my most "happiest" when I am not thinking of such things, so I am not really "doing" religion (even though I want to lol, I am kind of nuts so yeah....) I believe in god but I don't wish to think of god. It won't make sense... But to me it's perfect. all in all, I feel vunerable and that isn't what I want, so ignorance is the plan for bliss....

So my attendance to this forum has obviously faded, as I try to find joy but I can't and I guess in reality religion depresses me.... *shrugs*

I am sorry to hear this Alex. I can relate to what you are saying though. Anytime you wanna PM me you know where I am ok.
Have a break, see how you feel after a few weeks. I'll be praying for you dude. Take care.
 
Well, I was going to try and rephrase it but I am not sure how... I have found when I talk/debate/discuss/whatever religion and attempt to get "into" religion my life is burdened... I feel sad and depressed.

I try to be enthusiastic and no matter what I end up dwelling on death and that isn't something I wish to dwell on. I haven't stopped thinking of how my father died (and that was two years ago..) I have never dwelled on it... But the more I am looking into religion the more my morality comes to reality and I fear I am to die like my father.... I am at my most "happiest" when I am not thinking of such things, so I am not really "doing" religion (even though I want to lol, I am kind of nuts so yeah....) I believe in god but I don't wish to think of god. It won't make sense... But to me it's perfect. all in all, I feel vunerable and that isn't what I want, so ignorance is the plan for bliss....

So my attendance to this forum has obviously faded, as I try to find joy but I can't and I guess in reality religion depresses me.... *shrugs*

Wow. Not the response I was expecting at all, Alex.

Without getting too personal, for I know not my place in your situation, if at all, I do want to say that I enjoy immensely your responses on this forum. You have a great heart and a wonderful sense of humor.

As for God and Religion, I appreciate your candidness in regards to you sense of vulnerability and morality. Speaking for myself, I feel vunerable and immoral very frequently. I know that there is no way I can reach God's standards, or what I perceive them to be. That is why I am attracted to the idea of Grace. Which doesn't drive me from God, contrare, but toward Him, seeing that I need all the help I can. Though at times I find myself slipping from Him. It's a tug of war, to be sure. But I look at Grace as that which I can stop struggling so much knowing that God loves me inspite of myself.

I can only speculate what you are feeling in regards to your dad and in death in general. Death isn't something that anyone likes to dwell on. But it is a fact of life. You are never going to get away from it, it will always be in the back of your mind. You aren't alone in your feelings. So why not accept it and just focus more on living. Looking over the plowshare ain't gonna do you any good. Appreciate the life that you have and make something of it.
 
I haven't stopped thinking of how my father died (and that was two years ago..) I have never dwelled on it...

My sincere condolences Alex...

It can take many years for such emotional wounds to heal.
But they do heal... inshAllah.
 
I had the same thing happen after my dad and it lasted for many years and to the point where I would have panic attacks that actually made me think I was dying. God does work miracles and I firmly believe He healed me of that anxiety disorder because I havent had it in a couple years now. I would dwell on death so much that I couldnt sleep anymore.

I also heard a comforting message that when you are His and are in His will you are immortal until He decides otherwise. That means nothing can happen thats not His will... that was pretty much the thing that let me be able to breathe and quit worrying about getting cancer..

I dont know if it helps you to know that other people have these problems too... I know it helped me when I finally realized that my chest tightening and the hyperventilating was actually a panic attack and not a heart attack and that other people had the same problem.
 
Ok I wish I hadn't said so much now.... :/


I am sorry to hear this Alex. I can relate to what you are saying though. Anytime you wanna PM me you know where I am ok.
Have a break, see how you feel after a few weeks. I'll be praying for you dude. Take care.

Your offer is very much appreciated, I enjoy our PM's :)

Wow. Not the response I was expecting at all, Alex.

Without getting too personal, for I know not my place in your situation, if at all, I do want to say that I enjoy immensely your responses on this forum. You have a great heart and a wonderful sense of humor.

As for God and Religion, I appreciate your candidness in regards to you sense of vulnerability and morality. Speaking for myself, I feel vunerable and immoral very frequently. I know that there is no way I can reach God's standards, or what I perceive them to be. That is why I am attracted to the idea of Grace. Which doesn't drive me from God, contrare, but toward Him, seeing that I need all the help I can. Though at times I find myself slipping from Him. It's a tug of war, to be sure. But I look at Grace as that which I can stop struggling so much knowing that God loves me inspite of myself.

I can only speculate what you are feeling in regards to your dad and in death in general. Death isn't something that anyone likes to dwell on. But it is a fact of life. You are never going to get away from it, it will always be in the back of your mind. You aren't alone in your feelings. So why not accept it and just focus more on living. Looking over the plowshare ain't gonna do you any good. Appreciate the life that you have and make something of it.

I have always been that way, as a child I used to think of death occasionally and then I would dream I was a millionaire and take my family out in limos and crap like that lol and my mind would wander from the subject... And that was it, but now, as an adult, I do not normally even think of it... But the more I get into religion and spirituality the more my mind focuses in on the topic, and it becomes a struggle to get my mind off it... And this has enhanced my as FS has said spot on, panic attacks... I got Vicky to take me to the hospital one night as I thought I was having a heart attack..... (how my father died)


Since I have been not getting so involved in religious debates on forums I visit and not discussing religion here where I live and stopped reading the bible and yes, even stopped praying. I am mentally feeling better, I have got my apetite back and gaining weight and the "pains" in my chest have ceased.

Sorry! I used the wrong word... Morality isn't the word... Sorry Woah, lol no that is the wrong word... lol. It sounds like that word... (ugh I sound dense now...) Basically I am aware how fleeting life is.

My sincere condolences Alex...

It can take many years for such emotional wounds to heal.
But they do heal... inshAllah.

assallamu aleykum wa rahmattullahi wa barakatuh,

I wasn't really bothered about it when it happened (Yes I now sound like a cold hearted monster....) It has been only on my mind for like the past year perhaps.


I had the same thing happen after my dad and it lasted for many years and to the point where I would have panic attacks that actually made me think I was dying. God does work miracles and I firmly believe He healed me of that anxiety disorder because I havent had it in a couple years now. I would dwell on death so much that I couldnt sleep anymore.

I also heard a comforting message that when you are His and are in His will you are immortal until He decides otherwise. That means nothing can happen thats not His will... that was pretty much the thing that let me be able to breathe and quit worrying about getting cancer..

I dont know if it helps you to know that other people have these problems too... I know it helped me when I finally realized that my chest tightening and the hyperventilating was actually a panic attack and not a heart attack and that other people had the same problem.


Knowing others have problems doesn't make me feel any better lol... I do find it strange how it is common that a man can find comfort knowing he isn't the only one who suffers, strange isn't it lol.

Yes I admit I have panic attacks, I wasn't going to mention it but, you started it!!! lol... I used to get them awhile back... When I was looking into religion, I found marijuana as my resolve... Now I am resolving them without the plant. That test tightening is terrible isn't it? I hated the stinging pains that would shoot down my shoulder areas into my chest... Awful....

Cancer was your worry was it? Mines heart attacks ;/ because bam *clicks his fingers* like that it can happen... done.

See I would pray to god when I went to bed to ease my mind and guide me... But my anxiety only grew :(
 
Well its not like you're just disappearing into thin air, and its not like I can shake your hand or buy you a coffee. Internet friends are a let-down from the get-go for that reason. We're too impersonal. I could have bad breath and you'd never know it.

g030.gif

ARGH! I missed one... My bad..

I am a let down? I am sorry if you feel that way, and you're a let down? You haven't let me down.

Could I also say sorry for being to impersonal :p
 
Alex said:
Morality isn't the word

Mortality, more likely then?

Alex said:
See I would pray to god when I went to bed to ease my mind and guide me... But my anxiety only grew :(

I'm curious as to why you feel anxiety. Is it a sense of impending judgement? Or feeling of inadequacy? A sense of not knowing what's beyond, or even if there IS a beyond? What are you panicking about, if you don't mind me asking?
 
Mortality, more likely then?

That's the one..... :s

Mortality, more likely then?



I'm curious as to why you feel anxiety. Is it a sense of impending judgement? Or feeling of inadequacy? A sense of not knowing what's beyond, or even if there IS a beyond? What are you panicking about, if you don't mind me asking?

Honestly I think it is "all of the above."

Even though that doesn't really add up huh?

It's like...

Oh goodness! I have to die.... No matter what I do, that is my fate, All the money in the world cannot buy me time, all the good deeds cannot earn me more time.. Then it of course spans out Well God is loving and will show me mercy... If he's there.. I -think- he's there... Isn't he? Then why can he not ease my troubled mind? Maybe It' because I have to do something? Maybe it's because I'm knocking but theres no one home... Am I forsaken? Am I doomed? Am I needing to do something myself? Am I speaking to a void?

It snowballs from one microscopic thing to a full blown assault of questions that make me worse...

And then yes I go from looking passed the up and comming events to what shall happen after these events....

Will I live again? Will I live in peace? Will the world see peace? Will there truly be unity? Will I become nothing..... And maybe it is my ego... I don't know but one big thought I dwell on.. Will I, be forgotten.... That scares the **** out of me... I don't know why...

And yeah I guess the thought of being inadequate is in most of these thoughts.... "people can be forgiven" "there are worse people out there then me...." "what if I have ignored many warnings to turn back?" "what if it's too late?" "what if, my pleas for guidance, wisdom, peace, and forgiveness are not answered not because he isn't there, but because I am not worthy to be given them......"

Brother, there is many thoughts and reasons why I panic... The mind races.... And I just wish it wouldn't.
 
Alex,
I've watched you go through so much the last few years, and rarely have I said anything, because to offer advice especially unsolicited seemed untoward.
But, at the risk of sounding lame, I'm going to chance it. I smoked weed quite a bit when younger, and when I stopped daily use I felt very raw and vulnerable and something more, something I couldn't put my finger on, but beyond any craving there was this sense that I lost something.
So many questions, and why doesn't religion work? I remember that too.
Be at peace though, life isn't what you think, it really is what it is regardless of our fears and fancies.
Take a little time away from the searching and questioning. Just live, but live as deeply as you know how. Love and love completely without hesitation , for no matter what the outcome you will know what love is like.
Enjoy the feeling of your breath filling your body, the sounds around you even if they are discordant for they are real too.
Be at peace my friend, everything really is okay regardless of how it seems.
 
Alex said:
Oh goodness! I have to die.... No matter what I do, that is my fate, All the money in the world cannot buy me time, all the good deeds cannot earn me more time.

Welcome to the human race.

Then it of course spans out Well God is loving and will show me mercy... If he's there.. I -think- he's there... Isn't he? Then why can he not ease my troubled mind? Maybe It' because I have to do something? Maybe it's because I'm knocking but theres no one home... Am I forsaken? Am I doomed? Am I needing to do something myself? Am I speaking to a void?

I sometimes have my doubts, too. Believe you me. You are only speaking to a void if that is all you do. Do you have to do something? Find out yourself if God is there. You wanna know how? It's not about looking for signs in the heavens, it's testing for yourself if God is working in your life by aligning yourself to His Ways. God wants to prove Himself through your actions, done in a spirit of Love (think I Cor. 13:1-3). I believe that is the realm where God operates and reveals Himself to us.

Will I live again? Will I live in peace? Will the world see peace? Will there truly be unity? Will I become nothing..... And maybe it is my ego... I don't know but one big thought I dwell on.. Will I, be forgotten.... That scares the **** out of me... I don't know why...

You have the power to do your part in all this. You wanna see peace, live peacefully with others. If you wanna see unity, get united with people. You don't wanna be nothing, then do something worthwhile. You don't want to be forgotten, then be there for people who will remember you for what you've done for them.

And yeah I guess the thought of being inadequate is in most of these thoughts.... "people can be forgiven" "there are worse people out there then me...." "what if I have ignored many warnings to turn back?" "what if it's too late?" "what if, my pleas for guidance, wisdom, peace, and forgiveness are not answered not because he isn't there, but because I am not worthy to be given them......"

Brother, there is many thoughts and reasons why I panic... The mind races.... And I just wish it wouldn't.

Don't live in the light of others. You are your own light. When you compare yourself with others, you will just end up frustrated. Jesus was only our example. He lived the best life He could in the light of God. Alex needs to live the best life in the light of God, too. Afterall, He gave you a life to live out. If He created you, don't you think He would deem you worthy to receive all those things you think you lack? I don't think God is a respector of persons. But by the same token, I think we limit ourselves by not recognizing that the things we seek are available to us from Him.

The game of life is not about being the goodest and most pious person, it's about being the best Lover of all things in His creation.
 
I try to be enthusiastic and no matter what I end up dwelling on death and that isn't something I wish to dwell on. I haven't stopped thinking of how my father died (and that was two years ago..) I have never dwelled on it... But the more I am looking into religion the more my morality comes to reality and I fear I am to die like my father.... I am at my most "happiest" when I am not thinking of such things, so I am not really "doing" religion (even though I want to lol, I am kind of nuts so yeah....) I believe in god but I don't wish to think of god. It won't make sense... But to me it's perfect. all in all, I feel vunerable and that isn't what I want, so ignorance is the plan for bliss....

Oh goodness! I have to die.... No matter what I do, that is my fate, All the money in the world cannot buy me time, all the good deeds cannot earn me more time..

Dont you think death is scarier without religion, than with it. I mean what is worse than nothing?

No matter how much you run, your fears will follow. The more they follow you the more you grow weak. Its like running away from a dog. You know you cant outrun it. Turn back & kick its face, thats the only way out.

There is an interesting behaviour among us humans. We attach so much emotions to facts, that our emotional shades become a bigger fact than the fact itself. Two things come attached with death, fear of unknown & fear of loss. Fear of unknown can be reframed into something more palatable, & fear of loss can only be fought on metaphysical level. Kahlil Jibran says an interesting thing,"when I see death, I remember people on a ship sailing away from a sea port, & their relatives waving their hands, saying goodbye. I realise that there are other people on the other port who are waiting to wellcome them."

BTW try some buddhist meditations, atleast they will give you enough power to scare away the demons of mind. You dont have to follow or affiliate yourself to anything. Just do it for a change (Mind is like an untamed horse btw. It doesnt like being controlled. It will fight back).

Then it of course spans out Well God is loving and will show me mercy... If he's there.. I -think- he's there... Isn't he? Then why can he not ease my troubled mind? Maybe It' because I have to do something? Maybe it's because I'm knocking but theres no one home... Am I forsaken? Am I doomed? Am I needing to do something myself? Am I speaking to a void?
Hey, if your teacher helps you pass the exam, then whats the point of exams anyways. I guess its all a part of learning process, getting cold hands, shaky feet, cloudy mind etc.
 
hey Alex , Jehovah knows just what we need , i have just gone on to the official website of Jehovahs witnesses and the main thing at the top is just what you are talking about .:)
 
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