Wise words, friends. And thanks for the openess. Its a beautiful night and your words have landed on target--this I see as meditation. When one sees the arising and falling through of thoughts, sensations, emotions, and fermentations with a sharp eye, then the mind is granted space, becomes as clear and open as the sky on a summers day. There is space, the mind is uncluttered, and this is satisfactory, leads to the cessation of stress, to dispassion, undoing, unbinding. What are we bound to? We are bound to illusions. Nothing is as it appears. The hard wood of a tree obscures the sap, the smooth skin of a person obscures the blood and guts. This mind...this world...this universe...this arising and falling through of all phenomenas, is a masquerade.
Thus shall ye think of this fleeting world: A star at dawn, a bubble in a stream; A flash of lightning in a summer cloud; A flickering lamp, a phantom, and a dream.
With the arising of sensual desire of any kind, a million small and subtle and imperceptable psychological movements arise...and they ferment. One small desire (for a taste, for a smell, for a person, etc,.) if not observed, if not sensed, if not seen, if not resolved, will manifest in ways which clog the mind, assault the mind, defile the mind--in myself I have recently noticed an ill will arise as a consequence of an unsatisfied desire. To deny, repress, or wait out the desire, generated a sense of failure, shortcoming, abstinence, thus generating an irrational ill will. Had the desire been seen for what it was on its arising & resolved in that moment, then the sense of abstinence would not have followed & the ill will would have not been generated, thus saving myself of unnecessary confusion and stress.
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At this point in time I meditate from 6pm to 8pm, with no belongings on me but my cushion, in order to observe the ending of the day, in company of the various loud animals of the swamp. Every half an hour or so I change which leg is on top of which. Sometime I stretch the legs out or sit like a normal person at a picnic for a minute or two...the eyes still closed, the mind remains undisturbed. Whatever thoughts arise, I say "That is none of my buisness." The breath, when too focused on, can become forced. Sometimes hyperventilating for 2mins, then not breathing for 1min, will calm everything down to where I can have a calm, subtle breath which satisfies, is not forced, and is conducive to deepening the silence. Sometimes, breathing through one nostril and out the other three times helps in producing a calm, steady breath which is sustainable and conducive to inner silence.
Sometimes I open my eyes and look at the waves in the lake & the wind in the trees. In the lake I see a reflection of the movements of the mind. With the tree I observe the fact of how it will most likley be knocked down in a storm some years from now. Cut off from the root, it will slowly begin to run out of life, and at the end of its life, I observe its transmutation. Such is my destiny too, I reflect.
When loud ducks come over and startle me, I say "Why am I always awaiting fear? Why do I expect fear?"
When I open my eyes and find myself surrounded by three or four enormous iguanas staring at me intensley, I ask myself "Why does sharing my space with others frustrate me? Why cant I be at peace with them? They shouldnt disturb my meditation. If I dont mind them, they will leave."
While in meditation, if anxiety, desire, or stress arises, one recieves it with love. With the expression of love, the thought arises 'This feeling of love is good, it washes away all defilements, cleanses the mind, deepens the silence.' So for a minute or two, one will focus on all the moments in which one recieved or gave love. One realizes "Those were the most important moments of my life. Thus, these feelings of love are what life is for."
By the time I get up from my cushion which I set on the foot of the lake, the sight of the dark water flowing is profoundly other-worldy, many times shining with rainbow colors like a prism, profound & incomprehensible. The mind smoothed out, one can stare at this & at the trees (weither in the dark or with the last glimmers of light) for long periods of time, not feeling any desire to do anything else or go anywhere else or experience anything else, as is otherwise the case in the common everyday state of mind. Thus the thought arises 'This is good. This satisfies my desire for peace and truth. I look foward to tomorows meditation.' With the nervous system slowed down, everything that follows, from eating to resting to reading to speaking to drinking to bathing to listening to sleeping, is done with a sense of peace and deep awareness.
Very interested in hearing you guys! You have without a doubt more experience than me. Much love.