Extended Families

Discussion in 'Belief and Spirituality' started by Cino, Feb 8, 2022.

  1. Cino

    Cino Big Love! (Atheist mystic) Admin

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    In my extended family there are deep rifts and some demilitarized zones. On one parent's side, the religious affiliation is impeccable many generations back. On the other side, there were marriages outside the ancestral faith, children born outside marriage, religious conversions, apostasy...

    And on my SO's side, the situation is similar. And the bickering, and the gossip, and the terrible desolation left in the wake of any inheritance, siblings not talking, sides being taken, people falling out of favor...

    Some relatives try to frame it all through their beliefs, others, through their appeals to loyalty, yet others are opportunistic.

    The various creeds and faiths seem to play an important role in keeping it all together, though I can't say how it works. Maybe because the rituals evoke some respect in everyone, which prevents us from going at each other's throats.

    So, how does religion play into your extended famy life?
     
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  2. Aupmanyav

    Aupmanyav Search, be your own guru.

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    In my extended family family, all are Hindu theists, exccept myself (a strong atheist Advaitic Hindu) and a recent addition (a Roman Catholic that my grand daughter has married). We are nicely close except for two people, I would not say that we have no strains among us. 1. My brother who cheated me of some inheritance, 2. and a nephew who did not treat his parents well even when he was fairly rich. But we have not cut relations from their families. My extended family (the group contains three Punjabis, a Tamil and a Rajasthani):

    Parental and maternal (some missing for various reasons), young ones at in-laws on a vacation.
    Bhaidooj.jpg Rajauri.jpg
     
    Last edited: Feb 10, 2022
  3. wil

    wil UNeyeR1 Moderator

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    For me...my immediate family has zero issues. Our beliefs and political biases do not effect relationships... I and my kids are more liberal in both my sister and her kids are the middle ground, my mom, reads bible everyday Republican...but we all accept/tolerate each other.

    My extended family is fairly inconsequential...as I am hundreds of miles away and only see the problem ones at weddings and funerals.. My mother's generation Trump supporting racists mostly, my generation 50/50, our kids generation leans more liberal. I tend to walk away when conversations or rhetoric gets dicey before i respond in the same tone as they. Have had to quit online dialogue with a few.
     
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  4. Namaste Jesus

    Namaste Jesus Praise the Lord and Enjoy the Chai Moderator

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    Shoot, haven't seen anyone from my side of the family in well over 30 years! One by one they all moved out leaving me, the youngest to care for our mother by myself until her dying day. That and I guess my marrying outside my religion, nationality and race didn't sit well with them. My wife's side on the other hand, consists of many generations, either all living under the same roof, close by or in close contact via messenger. Some Christian and a few Muslim in the mix, but the majority, like my wife are Hindu. They all get along and from day one have treated me like a blood relative. So, I consider them my extended family.

    I'd say Faith is a very important dynamic within their family structure, but differences in religious practice is not nearly as important. I think that's why they're so accepting of other religions. Sort of, you pray your way, we'll pray our way and we'll all pray together. As my sis-in-law says, it's all God.
     
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  5. Ella S.

    Ella S. Utilitarian Logician

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    I refuse to go to any gatherings with my extended family, so I don't know.

    My direct family used to pressure me into going when I was a kid, but when I became a teenager they decided to let me make my own decisions. I don't even talk to my direct family that much outside of holidays. Even when I lived with my mother and my siblings, I stayed in my room all the time. They frequently commented about how quiet I was and how they kept forgetting that I lived there at all.

    I'm just not a huge fan of socialization. In real life, I have one close friend that I talk to maybe once every few months and even that's a bit too much for me sometimes (and even they are too far away to visit.) I prefer to keep to myself. I don't even like hugging or having to shake hands with people. Whatever normal people get out of making friends, I just don't. I don't feel like the hassle is worth it.

    The lurkers on this forum that have read every post I've made probably know me better than my family does. Forums are great because I can log off and take however long I feel like to respond and, while we are all polite and nice with one another, nobody here is asking me to move furniture with them or trapping me with small talk or gossip.
     
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  6. RJM

    RJM God Feeds the Ravens Admin

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    I wonder how many of us are essentially loners? I'm mostly content on my own. I find 'communication' difficult, if just for the sake of it. It really irritates me when someone sits next to me in a bus and starts nattering away, about the weather, and the new houses being built in the area, etc.

    We have a WhatsApp text group of immediate siblings -- although globally scattered. My one brother won't participate, but privately sends covid and NWO conspiracy articles. My female cousins keep in touch, but maintain a wide social network and seem to live off interaction with other people. People who need people. Each to their own

    One thing I hate is I'm just sitting down and the phone rings and it's someone says Hi, how are you doing -- and it's then lets chat for the next 30 minutes. Anyone who knows me even a little bit knows not to do that, lol

    I prefer written messages, which I can respond to in my own time. My family is scattered over continents
     
    Last edited: Feb 9, 2022
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  7. RJM

    RJM God Feeds the Ravens Admin

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    On thread topic: My sister and her husband are Christian Apostolic. Otherwise, apart from me, there is little 'religion' to be found around my lot ...
     
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  8. wil

    wil UNeyeR1 Moderator

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    In essence beyond my immediate family I have found "family" in other groups.

    I am a hugger, love sitting around in casual discussions on interesting topics and like here surrounded by folks more knowledgeable and educated than I.

    I feel I am a communal person a that succumbed somewhat to conventional norms for a period of time. Amongst burners, unitics and rainbows I have found my tribes...the place where i ENJOY working and giving and participating because we are all committed in the goal and process. I have found individual friends and coworkers fit that roll sometimes, but not the majority of time.

    I do think the family, religion, and nation I was born into deserve no allegiance...that this has to be earned by all.... My mother started the process...my parents raised me, they get cred for that. But just cause that sperm happened to penetrate the egg of the month does not mean I will meet the expectations of them, the land I was squished out on or the gods they worship...
     
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  9. Ella S.

    Ella S. Utilitarian Logician

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    This is why I feel a sense of dread any time somebody I have to meet is described as "friendly." I really hate dealing with "friendly" people. It turns out that "friendly" is code for "chatty, nosy, and overfamiliar." It boggles my mind that people like that are generally held in high esteem. It's not that I think they're bad people or anything, but they exhaust my relatively low social batteries is all.

    From what I've seen, you can tell that most people who frequent forums are generally introverted and, unsurprisingly, have niche interests that they would prefer to have deeper discussions on.

    I might be a bit of an extreme case, because my therapist suspects that I might have covert Schizoid Personality Disorder which, essentially, means that I have all of the negative symptoms of schizophrenia without any of the positive symptoms. It's similar to simple-type schizophrenia but consistent over time rather than episodic and slowly getting worse.

    My psychiatrist originally had me diagnosed with "psychotic depression," but I don't suffer from any delusions or hallucinations or magical thinking or disorganized thought or any of the positive symptoms of psychosis. One of the negative symptoms is severe social withdrawal, though, which kind of plays into me not even being close with my family, having no real friends, not liking human touch, and being aromantic-asexual.
     
    Last edited: Feb 9, 2022
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  10. Namaste Jesus

    Namaste Jesus Praise the Lord and Enjoy the Chai Moderator

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    Outside of this and other online forums, I'm basically a private person. For the most part I keep to myself, hate crowds, especially the rowdy variety and avoid confrontation whenever possible. On the flip side, I made my living as a salesman for many years and have no problem conversing with people from all walks of life and ethnicity.

    However, for me to share on a more personal level and want to be around someone, something has to click. Like those times you meet someone you've never met before, but it feels as though you've known them all your life. In those instances, I've had great conversations with people I've seemingly had nothing in common with. Some that turned into lifelong friendships.

    Sadly, this was never the case with my own family. I mean, we all lived under the same roof, but were it not for the blood relation, we couldn't have been more different from one another. Especially where core values and responsibility are concerned. So, I guess it was inevitable that we'd end up all going our separate ways. Blood may be thicker than water, but it also flows more freely and unpredictably.
     
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  11. powessy

    powessy Well-Known Member

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    I grew up atheist, my personal choice as a child. I can remember looking up to the stars and imagining other worlds and places, and could never feel a connection to a god or anything else. I am unsure what denomination of religion my parents were and I don’t ask either. My siblings live 50 miles away but could be on the other side of the globe for as often as we see one another.

    My wife grew up catholic but does not attend. My 4 children have never shown interest in religion, it was always their choice. As for my wife’s side we speak only about topics that are relevant to the times we visit, and cause no problems.

    As far as friends go, I could have them or not it makes no difference to me. Being introverted has it’s advantages for me, it keeps things simple and in place. I have one of those personalities that seems to draw people in, easy going and always relaxed in almost every situation, this helps when I want to be more extroverted.

    powessy
     
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  12. Aupmanyav

    Aupmanyav Search, be your own guru.

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    I too was in sales for four years. It did not click but was enjoyable. Now my son is, and is doing much better than I did. I moved to other fields. I am not uncomfortable with family or friends.
     
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  13. Namaste Jesus

    Namaste Jesus Praise the Lord and Enjoy the Chai Moderator

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    I lasted a little over 7 years as a commissioned tire salesman/manager. Probably wouldn't have lasted that long, but I love working around cars, had little supervision and could pretty much write my own pay check depending how hard I was willing to work. Once the company was sold to a big corporation it wasn't the same though. I left shortly thereafter and went into business for myself. Made less money, but I liked working for myself a lot better, Although my boss could be a real jerk at times.... :p
     
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  14. RJM

    RJM God Feeds the Ravens Admin

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    Hey Aup
    Is this you?

    upload_2022-2-10_9-25-48.png
     
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  15. Aupmanyav

    Aupmanyav Search, be your own guru.

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    Yeah, the cat is out. And the lady in blue sari is my wife. The person taking the selfie is my son. I was the senior most in this group, big responsibility. :D
     
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  16. RJM

    RJM God Feeds the Ravens Admin

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    You are a pleasant and distinguished looking gentleman, imo
     
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  17. Ella S.

    Ella S. Utilitarian Logician

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    You have unintentionally returned to the original meaning of the phrase, "Blood is thicker than water;" the full phrase loosely paraphrased as "The blood shared in battle is thicker than the water broken in the womb."
     
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  18. Aupmanyav

    Aupmanyav Search, be your own guru.

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    Well, that is what got me into sales, and at a time my wife too thought so. :D
     
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  19. wil

    wil UNeyeR1 Moderator

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    Oh...oOh...oh..."The blood shared in battle is thicker than the water broken in the womb."

    That is completely different and on target to me!
     
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  20. Namaste Jesus

    Namaste Jesus Praise the Lord and Enjoy the Chai Moderator

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    Here's a shot from 2008 of me enjoying the evening with some of my extended family in the Fiji Islands. Lets see if RJM can guess which one is me. :D

    100_0266.JPG
     
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