Jokes, jokes, and more jokes ...

Posted on my Quora feed:
A Titanic Tale but not big enough to fill a Book.....

An old lady was standing at the rail of the Titanic holding her hat so that the wind wouldn't blow it away in the wind.
A gentleman approached her and said, "Pardon me, Madam, I do not intend to be forward but did you know that your dress is blowing up in this wind?"
"Yes, I know," said the lady. "But I need my hands to hold onto my hat.
""But Madam, he said, "you must know that you're derriere is exposed!"
The woman looked down, then back up at the man and said, "Sir, anything you see down there is 85 years old, but I just bought this hat!"

Phyllis Sidhe_Uaine
A truism?

Phyllis Sidhe_Uaine
I found this on my Quora feed (it's somewhat religious, but not fully):

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.

After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.

The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous

on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass.

If I start to get nervous, I take a sip."

So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning

of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up

a storm.

Upon his return to his office after mass, he found the following note

on the door:

1. Sip the Vodka, don't gulp.

2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.

3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.

4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.

5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.

6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J. C.

7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy,

Junior and the Spook.

8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the shit out of him.

9. When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his

donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass.

10. We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T."

11. When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said,

"Take this and eat it for it is my body." He did not say "Eat me"

12. The Virgin Mary is not called "Mary with the Cherry,"

13. The recommended grace before a meal is not:

Rub-A-Dub-Dub, thanks for the grub, yeah God.

14. Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at

St. Peter's, not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.

Phyllis Sidhe_Uaine