1. Drunken George Bush falls into wood chipper (poetic justice). Cheney institutes martial law as first official act minutes after swearing in aboard Air Force One.

2. Pope admits wearing garlic poultice beneath robes.

3. Keith Richards found to have been embalmed in late eighties. Who knew?

4. Massachusetts legalizes pet marriage.

5. United States invades Denmark.

6. Brittney Spears becomes newest Mormon prophet.

7. Atlantis discovered off coast of Yemen. Divers unearth tiny human skeletons next to primitive violins.

8. Chinese land on moon. Discover remains of ancient robot race with Made in Tiawan embroidered inside their trouser legs.

9. Oprah Winfrey eats Ceylon.

10. World's largest crayon presented to Tony Blair in ornate ceremony.


Charedim are ultra orthodox Jews. You can read more here:

Haredi Judaism - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Yeshivish comes from yeshivah, Jewish places of intense study. Read about yeshivish here:

Yeshivish - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Essentially, I would become a cloistered fundamentalist who spent every free moment of his time in study (which you must also understand in Judaism is a form of prayer and worship, a way to grow close to God), possibly leaving the work in the home to a wife, who would also be responsible for raising children, although this is not neccessarily the case, but certainly would be more in line with my vision for the year to come. I may also end up speaking yiddish as common language instead of english.