Dear Diary

Dear Diary,

Oh G!d I don't know how to say this. I feel like such a putz. I've been holding onto this for a few weeks now but I can't keep living this lie any longer. I've met someone, a blogspot blog. It's just, well you can be so facile and she's, she's so deep. And she's focused! A niche blog, you know? You barely touch on anything meaningful and you get distracted so easily. She's different.

I don't mean this as an attack. I don't want to hurt you. I love both of you. Can't I have my cake and eat it to? Baby, I can't choose between the two of you. I love that thing you do with your mood and music listings. It gets me so... so... Heck you know what it does to me. You drive me wild, Diary. But it's just not enough.

I should just come out and say it. I've been cheating on my blogspot blog with you, not the other way around. So let's keep things on the DL and we can keep having our special times. All I really wanted was a little fling, a little spice, but I can't leave you now. You get so crazy in blog.

Mood: Insatiable
Music: The Hunter Gets Captured By The Game by Massive Attack and Tracey Thorn
Dear Diary,

Took a little walk up the river bank today since the weather was so fine. For years you never saw anyone fishing there but now there is someone every few yards with his stick. Funny how 'sheepish' they look as you pass them, like they are embarrassed for some reason. Maybe they should many of them cant be good for the fish stocks and this year there are no sign of the herons that had only in recent years returned.
Once I reached the wooded area the smell of wild garlic filled my senses and made me hungry. Masses of pig nuts made me wish I had brought a trowel to reap this untapped harvest of delicious food. Next time. I have not made anything from the wild harvest for several years now but this past year I have been saving jars ready to make some pickles and jams. I made a few small pots of cherry Jam last night.
Reminds me I need to get some demi-johns for wine making later in the year.

Mood: passive

Music : enigma on the radio...sound of kids playing outside.
Dear Diary,

Some interesting times on the farm lately. We got some know it all who claims to know it all which raised the hackles on all the rest of the know it alls and even though we were havin fun Mom and the aunts got upset because they told the know it all he couldn't play with us before but we all didn't know that and so far he really wasn't so bad and it was sort of our problem but it ain't really our farm we just are tennant farmers tilling the fields and stirring the soils we sort of have been self weeding but every now and the decision from one of the foreman is to use paraquat on some weed and then the consortium says no and the foreman is reprimanded but then some other weed seems to be a problem and is irradicated....

Some said we should open up a new field and let the weeds grow there, and we could play there too, but they've got other plans for the farm, they say it has been growing nicely but I think they are actually preparing to put in 55 and over condos and we kids won't have anywhere to play.

I'm just a little outta sorts, been watchin the world go by, some of my friends are more upset...sorta apathetic but don't wanna be...just don't know....
Dear Diary

I am so totally loving all this rain and the storms wow! Its bittersweet because it reminds me of home :(

Well Im losing my job in a couple months..stupid mergers... they are moving my department to Greenville NC whats up with that grrrr. So Im applying other places.. this one in particular pays really really good.. more money than I can imagine but its by the galleria mall and that means snobs driving sports cars eww. I dont like the commute obviously and I dont really like the shift and Im not sure I want to get into Insurance because I think thats even worse than tax collecting... so Im not sure.. I might have just answered my own questions about whether I want it or not. Thanks Diary.. your a pal
Dear Diary -

It's 11:30pm and I'm still working.

The in-laws came to stay for a while last week and I've suddenly realised that they go home in a few days. I get on well with them and feel guilty that I haven't been able to take them on more drives around the countryside. The weather is turning sunny again and there are so many places it seems we haven't taken them with the kids. MAybe I'll take some time on Friday off to show them somewhere. Maybe on Saturday instead of popping down to the local beach, we'll go on a drive to the Black Isle and visit the beach there.

Get as much work done now as possible to try and free up some quality time, but can't wait for Friday, when I'm not allowed to work past 8pm and instead break open a few tins of cider and listen to music.

- Brian
Dear dairy,

It turns out I'm lactose intolerant so I really shouldn't be here...

Mood: playful

Music: the humm of my computer.

Edit: OOOOPS, sorry!
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Dear diary,

Just got done posting a response to a thoughtful post left by Tao. It's been hectic lately, what with the wife and I finally settling on a house to buy, and the sellers accepting our offer. I feel it was a good deal for both, we ended up with a reasonable price and terms, and they received a fair price in this market even if not the full asking price. It will be a huge change for me, moving back to the city, it's been a long time. At least this city is relatively quiet and clean, and it will knock about an hour and a half every day of commuting time off of my schedule. Of course, there is concern I may have to take on a second job to help pay the increased expenses like taxes and utilities. I trust G-d on this, my prayer has always been that if He does not want this, or anything, for us, then we don't want it either. (even if we might think we do) :D

Mood: circumspect

Music: the humm of my antiquated computer.
Dear Diary,

It is 10am... I want to go to bed... Or let darkness consume me, and simply die..... Again at work, bored, alone.... Torture believe me.... Still feeling slightly stoned from the past evening... I think I am going to go out behind the offices and toke up again, to dull my senses and keep me from going on a killing spree.........

P.s I hate work...
Dear Diary,

Do you, you feel like I do? Woke up this morning with a wine glass in my hand
Whose wine, what wine, where the hell did I dine? Must have been a dream I don’t believe where I’ve been. Come on - lets do it again.

You know while that was my life for years...and who knows may be again someday. I'm thinking of taking up all the vices again when I turn 69. In reality, who'da thunk it, I so appreciate not being in a the fog that I couldn't imagine living without. I mean I used to look at the status quo and go yuck...and now I am one. and enjoying the piss out of it!
Dear Diary,

Oh poor pitiful me!

So, here’s the deal—I’ve been reading and reading. Lots of different things. Today, I was reading from a pretty reliable looking Muslim-Christian comparative study source, and I run across a discussion of the Codex Sinaiticus. Oops, better look it up. When I look it up, I discover that it is a fourth-century uncial…but wait, what’s that? Better look that up… Oh. Okay. It means majiscule. Well now, that certainly clears things up, doesn’t it? Ahh…majiscule simply refers to capital letters. Well, why didn’t they just say so in the first place? :confused:

Now where was I? Never mind…I’m going to go play the piano.

Mood: frustrated
Music: none yet, but about to make my own! :)
Dear Inlove,

Please don't over complicate things.

Biblical manuscripts produced in the codex form were all handcopied in Greek capital letters on parchment from older manuscripts. Nearly 250 of these manuscripts in codex form are now preserved in various libraries and museums. They have been dated from the fourth to the eleventh centuries. The oldest and most complete is Codex Sinaiticus now in the British Museum. It was discovered accidentally in 1844 by a Russian scholar in a monastery at the foot of Mount Sinai. It contains all the New Testament and most of the Old. Another important codex from the fourth century is in the Vatican Library in Rome. A fifth-century manuscript of the four Gospels is known as Codex Washingtonianus and is housed in the Freer Gallery of Art in Washington, D. C.

Your Diary
current mood: playful smart ass (LOL)
music: Changing what it means to be Happy
Dear Diary--

Writing this down to remind myself:

1. This is the lounge (go easy on the Biblical research terminology, no matter how frustrated you get, or how cute you are trying to be, haha. :D)

2. K.I.S.S. (keep it simple, sweetheart) ;)

Thanks. :)

Mood: Tired
Music: Soundscapes on the telly (lots of chimey, relaxing, rustic stuff)

Dear Diary,

I just threw up the red pill, I wonder if I should take another one or just try the blue pill instead. Decisions decisions. Oh Well, red pill it is.
Dear Diary,

beautiful day, got some time off until this evening when otherhalf and I are going out to a "black tie" - entails dressing up, which is not my forte. Will try my best. Meanwhile thinking of visiting my elderly mother and taking her and her dog out for a walk in the woods. Requires ball throwing.

Off for lunch - til later
Dear Diary,

It's now the third day of "white out", the sun hidden like a winter sun behind cloud mists. It feels strangely nuclear or is it "new clear", filtering and skimming the suface of the great soup of existence as though the moon is walking the earth. Here on the hill a certain peace, birds sing through empty space. The garden continues to grow in the stillness. I fill the house with fresh flowers, create sunshine life.

Mood......... clear.

Music ....... bird song.
Dear Diary,

Bored as hell..... Friday, only 2 and a half hours till I get to freedom... Mmmm a whole weekend... Blessings, for small mercies... Going to the Royal Cornwall show tomorrow should be fun.... But, for now I will idle my time away by making pointless pictures in photoshop and drowning myself in coffee....

Mood: dull and blunted.....
Music: Dj Shrek - Show me heaven.
Dear diary,

When is a day not a day...? When it's today. Yes diary another day that was a non-day, waking hours that passed almost unseen before the glare of my monitor. I learned a few things sure, but sometimes there is little comfort even in that and I know I should of use my precious free time doing something..... more. But I cant unwind it and start again.

Almost 11pm. In an hour I'm going to head along to a party in the hope that I am not the only sober one there. Perhaps I should have gone to the bar first and got on the same plane as everybody else but (a) I was too lazy and (b) I got rather well stewed last week and dont want to make it a weekly norm. I aint a 30 something anymore.

Mood, quiet and ready for bed

Music, Something by Morcheeba
Dear Diary,

Sun up..... hot hot hot.

Went to the car boot sale this morning. Every one very relaxed. Love the simple interaction, nothing other than what it is.......found myself in gift mode, bought a framed Picasso, the one of three hands holding a bunch of flowers, for my sister. Indigo print napkins for a friend. Intricate wood cuts for a man who carves wood. Glass salad servers for the serving. A batik sarong for the sun. Espadrilles, the best footwear ever, for... myself.

Loved the smiles.

Mood...... Is there one.......... ? ........

Music....... Grooving on a sunny afternoon.