My husband doesn't like to go to church because he finds lectures and being indoors boring. It doesn't matter what the topic is, it matters what the venue is.
I don't know if that is why men in general do not like church. But I have heard from quite a few men that what they don't like is: 1) being inside and sitting for a long time, 2) getting lectured at by someone, and 3) not having discussion. My husband has enjoyed Bible studies because they're more interactive.
If there were a church that was about discussing the Bible rather than lecturing on it and met as a hiking group rather than in a building, he'd probably want to go.
Hmm, interesting thought. I think in any group worship situation, there should be a balance of the emotional and the intellectual, (or as some have implied, the masculine and the feminine), but I would argue that emotional songs and a touchy-feely atmosphere are hardly the reason men are not going to church. I think that in society at large, men are just not stepping up. A quick glance at the number of unmarried mothers can confirm this. Sadly, men in our society are, themselves, becoming less masculine (IMO) and more irresponsible.
I have no problem with women as leaders, but I do think a healthy balance is required. Women shouted out that we wanted to be treated equally, and men heard that it was time for us to take over. Women yearned for leadership roles, and men saw a chance to give up responsibilty. Once again, the miscommunication between the genders is astonishing.
So to answer Blazn, I offer a challenge: if you don't like how church is operated, do something about it! If you and your fellow men feel it is too emotional and feminie, then step up and take a leadership role to change it.
This is where I think, once again, the brain science comes into it.
Women have more white matter in their brain, which means that there are more connections not just locally, but globally. Men have more grey matter, less global connections, but more local ones.
Because women have more global connections in their brain, they are able to connect more readily to people, situations and experiences. They can share roles and agendas with other people and multi-task. They have more social connections, contacts, acquaintances and friends. They are better at absorbing information and experiences. This is perhaps why they are less reluctant to sit for one or two hours listening to a boring lecture because they are not really interested in the lecture, but the person who is speaking, the atmosphere around them, and the people in the building.
Women are more flexible in their thinking because of the connections in their brain. They can find alternatives that still work if they see something they don't like or don't want to do, but still stay within the same "sphere of thinking."
But this is harder for a man to do. Men don't "connect" as readily to people and situations. Men are more focused. A man is like a driver or pilot with a slow reaction. It takes a while for him to respond. Men can't respond quickly to
big changes, particularly social, personal and emotional ones.
So why don't men like listening to boring lectures? Well, I think it's because our minds are less flexible. We don't connect with the person speaking, or the people in the congregation. We are either focused on something else, or haven't been trained or conditioned for that kind of environment. Men like doing what they have been trained and conditioned to do. It requires less thinking, particularly sentimental, emotional and personal thinking. Men are good at technical thinking, which requires less flexibility, but not good at being flexible in how they use their minds. That is important in sentimental, emotional and personal matters, and thus religion.
If something is unfamiliar and foreign and men find it hard to relate to it, they will find something else to do and somewhere else to go. They will go to places that are familiar, do things they know how to do or solve problems for which they know they can find a solution. This is perhaps how I might explain why men (typically?) in this generation "avoid responsibility."
I think masculinity and femininity have been misunderstood in this regard. Masculinity isn't about being strong and femininity isn't about needing help or a protector. Women can be strong and men can be vulnerable. Masculinity isn't about getting things done and femininity isn't about having someone else do things for you. Masculinity and femininity have to do with the structure of your brain and how information flows inside it and how you make decisions.
Masculinity and femininity should be seen from the perspective of brain science, not cultural expectations (ie. the man is strong and gets things done, the women is emotional). Women are not more emotional than men and men are not more intellectual than women. It's not about strength, weakness, emotions or intellect. It's about neuronic connectivity.
It is, actually, quite masculine, rather than unmasculine, for me to avoid responsibility. It's because of the way my brain is structured. I naturally prefer avoiding the unfamiliar rather than re-aligning my thinking. The man sees, straight in front of him, a close door that must be opened with considerable effort. He chooses to go somewhere else where there is an open door. The woman doesn't see a closed door. For the woman, it's an open door. She is able to reason the closed door out of existence and go through with little effort. (It's really a hologram, a hallucination.) The close door does exist from one perspective, but not in others. The man sees things from a limited perspective, while the woman sees an incomplete, fadedly closed door that she can walk through as if it was just a ghost. The man needs time to reason himself out of the perspective where he saw a closed door. The woman did that almost immediately, and quite naturally.
Men in past generations lived in patriarchal environments that suited their masculine, grey-matter dominated brains. Society was more monolithic and conformist. Life was simpler. You didn't need that many connections. People were less mobile. People travelled less and saw more of each other. Less commitments. Fewer agendas. Change was slow.
Today's societies are more diverse. There are a lot more things happening. More opportunities, but you have to compete. More connections, more commitments, more agendas. Change is rapid. Women, who have white-matter dominated brains can, more naturally, handle this vast, rapidly-changing world of many connections, commitments and agendas. A man has to constantly retrain himself to keep up if he wants to be efficient. Men avoid the unfamiliar and look for something that is compatible with their prior training and conditioning.
If men avoid responsibility in the present generation I think there's a good reason for it. We can't cope with so many responsibilities and interests. So many connections, commitments and agendas. We need time to re-align our thinking, retrain ourselves, because with grey-matter dominated brains that see things from a limited perspective, that is how we get things done. A lot of the time we just avoid doing it because we don't know any better. It's easy for a woman to re-align her thinking because she can, more naturally, connect with people and situations. Her perspective is also broader.
Men are a bit like programmed robots that have the (human) ability to re-program themselves, but take a while......
I think I can understand why there was a lot more domestic violence and wife-beating in prior generations......men couldn't reason themselves out of it easily. Modern society has provided alternatives, but deep inside, we are still the same dull, inflexible-minded individuals you used to, and still have to live with.
We don't beat you up as much, but some things still haven't changed. Our brains are the same as before. Modern society, technology and culture hasn't improved male intelligence.
Yeah.....it's not your fault. We're just stupid. Please don't take this personally. It's not you. It's just me. Please don't judge or condemn.
But I am grateful that God designed women to fall in love with beings with inflexible minds in order to tame and pacify us.
But....anyway.....I'm not trying to find a cop-out here. I just think that if we understood the differences between how men and women thought, particularly the way their brains are structured, we might be able to use this awareness more effectively for self-improvement.
